my mom gets pissed off at me if she dosent see my son everyday. If i didnt have him...she would want nothing to do with me. What should I do? I feel as if shes trying to tell me when to come and go with my son.
2007-03-24 10:26:15 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to tell that woman that you have a life to live and you have to see to the care of your child and that routine doesn't always include you taking the time out to humor or cater to her ,,,, That your lives don't revolve around her at all ,,,, I know this will not sit right with her but what is her being obnoxious doing to you ,,,, Is she the only one that has a right to express herself ???? I think not ,,,, You are your own person and your own boss and that child is your child not hers ,,,, You do not have to answer to her and if I were in your place I would let her know that in no uncertain terms ,,,, Tell her that you are willing to take the child to her for occasional visits but when it's convenient to you not to her ,,,, If she would show up at your door undexpectedly then I would think about whether I would even answer it or not ,,,, There's no reason why she can't call first to ask you if it's convenient for her to come over if that's what she wanted to do ,,,,, To be honest though I wouldn't want her in my house because once she's there you might not be able to get rid of her when you wanted ,,,, It's a sad situation to see something like this between mother and daughter but I can see your dilemma ,,,, I'm sure from what you've explained that she is the catalist for this relationship ,,,, Don't let her bully you ,,,, Stick to your guns on this even if she would resort to tears and name calling ,,,, You didnt mention this but I'll just bet she tries to tell you how to raise your child too ,,,, That's just a guess on my part but I'll bet the farm that's the way it might be ,,,, Good luck with this and don't wait to get this behind you ,,,, The quicker you get it done the better off you are going to be ,,,, Keep your mind focused on you and your child and don't worry about what others want ,,,, Yoda told you this ,,,,,
2007-03-24 15:58:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU are the mother and YOU have to decide what is best for YOUR son on a particular day. If she can fit in to YOUR schedule, great, but you won't be manipulated by her. Tell her your son is your priority and NOTHING will change that.
2007-03-24 17:31:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yikes - that's tough!
You really should sit down and talk to her about this. You don't want this to go any further and have it escalate to the point where you just don't want to ever go over anymore. I would also try to remember that your mom just wants to see her grandson because she loves him.
Maybe tell her that you two are very busy and coming over everyday is a bit much. You and your son have your own lives too.
Good Luck!
2007-03-24 17:33:25 · answer #3 · answered by michellecdnd 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think this has more to do with you than your son. You feel as if your mother doesnt love you and hurts. Rightfully so. Have you ever said this to your mother? If she honestly doesnt want to have anything to do with you, and you know that for a fact and your mother gets angry with you if she doesnt see your son every day, the you are using your son to have contact with your mother. Sounds to me like you are doing everything to get your mother's approval. Just because she's your mother doesnt make her right. She is a human being, and if anything, she sounds very controlling.
You were right to put this question in the marriage and divorce section because it is a similar scenario to the wife who allows the husband to have the last say and who bows down to everything the husband wants. I wonder what advice you would give a wife who was allowing their husband to dictate terms on what she should do and what she shouldnt. What advice would you give a wife who was being controlled by her husband?
Your mother is dictating terms to you. Allowing her to see her grandchild every day is not going to make her love you. The relationship you have with your mother seems to revolve entirely around your son and thats not right.
You need to resolve these issues with your mother. Would she be interested in attending counseling with you?
The first thing you have to do is to tell your mother how hurt you are. Tell her how much this is tearing you apart. Maybe she doesnt know you are feeling like this. If she ignores your feelings. If she doesnt want to work on the relationship with you, then what are you achieving by allowing your mother this control.
I dont believe in using a child to make any points, but in this situation, you wouldnt be using your son, you would be protecting him. Maybe your mother really doesnt like you, in which case she could be saying anything to your son. What if you continue to allow your mother so much influence in your son's life, and something happens....she could sue for custody and make you out to be an unfit mother.....it happens, more than you realise. There have been many cases where a grandparent will ride roughshod over the parent to gain custody.
Your mother does not have to see your son every day. You are his mother, you have the last say. Your mother was your parent, not your son's......and if what you said is true, then I would question her parenting skills because it doesnt seem like you have a good relationship with your mother. Do you want her to pass these parenting "skills" onto your son? Do you want your son to see your mother as the one who has control? If you continue to allow your mother to control this situation then any control you think you have with your son, will diminish over time. Your son will use the situation between your mother and you to get his own way. He will say things like, "if you dont do this, then I am going to live with Nana". Do you want that to happen? It wont happen whilever you maintain the control. Your son needs to know who his mother is. Your son needs to know his mother is the one who has the say in his future, not his grandmother. You didnt say whether you were married, but if you are, then include your husband in the control bit. If you are a single mother, you still need to have control. Your son will end up confused if you allow your mother to have so much control in your life.
If she is not interested in counselling to "fix" the situation between you and her, then I trully suggest, you take back your control right now and tell your mother that you will decide when and if you will allow YOUR son to spend time with her.
You have to take the tough line with her because you are not doing your son any favours by bowing down to her control....you run the risk of losing him to your mother if youre not careful.
Take care.
2007-03-24 17:55:20 · answer #4 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
tell her he's your son and you'll decide where and when you'll visit. tell her you wont stop her seeing her grandson but it has to be on your terms. your a mom and a daughter second
2007-03-24 17:50:12 · answer #5 · answered by RACHEL B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Step up and tell her you and your son has a life that DOES NOT REVOLVE around her. If she gets mad she gets mad she will get over it.
2007-03-24 17:29:18 · answer #6 · answered by themom95 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
shes your mom
she will always be your mom
you gotta work somthing out..
Best of luck
2007-03-24 17:34:17 · answer #7 · answered by heather_honey_2002hs 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋