The marriage is 18 years. Both parties are guilty of infidelity. We have no respect or trust for each other. Our oldest child wants us to do marriage counseling. He told me he feels nothing for me. He is only trying because of the kids. I am willing to try to quit cheating. Nobody knows of my indiscretions. I thlnk he has feelings for his other woman.
2007-03-24 10:14:29 · 17 answers · asked by littlejaysmomma 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He and I are guilty of infidelity. Our children are 15-10-3. Our oldest wants us to try marriage counseling. He has told me he doesnt love me. He still is taking care of the family financially. He is only here because he doesnt want to leave the kids. He doesnt know for sure of my infidelity. He suspects and we fight alot. We are both scared to leave. He has feelings for his other woman, I suspect. He keeps going back to her. What can I do to give either of us the courage to start over. We have been married 18 years and it is scary. I think in some weird way I still love him. I want to do the counseling. His family accepts his girlfriend over me. They invite her to family events. They dont want me around. I must admit I have went through 4 cell phones this month by throwing them at him. I beat him up the night I asked him if he loved me and he told me no. He also told me he has no feelings of passion toward me. We were seperated about 2 years ago and he moved back.
2007-03-24 10:20:11 · update #1
marriage counseling does work if both parties willing to work at the problems and trust me it aint easy but worth it that is if you both really wont it
2007-03-24 10:21:42 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a huge mess. The biggest mistake any couple can make is cheating. You have to look at your relationship like a bubble. When you cheat you break the bubble - it will never be the same as it was. This doesn't mean you cannot work things out and stay together but it is going to be much harder.
BUT, you should go to counseling. There is no guarantee that it will save your relationship but you will both need it anyway. Even if you choose to split the counseling will help you understand and view the situation more clearly. It will help you both through splitting or staying - no matter which you choose. So I highly recommend it.
2007-03-24 10:21:12 · answer #2 · answered by DiRTy D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it can and does work. I personally know a couple who dealt with infidelity on the husband's part, even to the point he was living with the other woman, and his wife agreed to take him back. At first I'm sure it was more for their children's sake, but that was some 15 years or so ago. At first she didn't trust him, she would have a brother or his father go with him on any business trip he went on, she had to know where he was, and if he was a minute late, she had to know why and where he was that made him late.
But, that was 15 years ago, they went though ALOT of counseling, and she was finally able to get past all the hurt and anger, and has learned to trust and respect her husband again. She realizes now that he screwed up, but he's a human being, and we all screw up at times, sometimes bigger than others. She says now she's glad she didn't dump him like she was initially inclined to, because their marriage is stronger for all the difficulties they went though.
This took BOTH of them really wanting to make the marriage work...for their sakes. Not their kids, they had to eventually want it for themselves. She had to get past all the anger she had, and he had to put up with her not trusting him for several years. I don't know personally if I would've done it, but it worked for them.
2007-03-24 10:20:47 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're living the American dream. What's your problem? Staying with you just for the kids is not going to work. That's no different than what you have had.
If you go to counseling you'll both end up cheating with the counselor. Obviously, none of you loves the other or you would have killed the other. So, you have no problem to get counseling for. The arrangement is working; he pays the bills and you cook for you.
Counseling can not fix something that is not broken. You're just afraid he's going to pay some one else's bills; don't worry, you find some one else to cook for.
2007-03-24 10:26:22 · answer #4 · answered by kasar777 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You both love your children and that's great. Sounds like the marriage is over if niether of you want to work it out. You should both talk to your children and let them know you both still love tham and you guys are going to work this out so you are both still in there lives, but that you are getting a divorce. You and your spouse should try to calmly work out the details w/out bickering as much as possible. Make a clean break and get on with your lives. Good Luck and wish you well.
2007-03-24 10:20:04 · answer #5 · answered by Chrissy #1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Counseling isn't a magic pill. You and your husband can only benefit if you are both commited to changing your behaviour. I wouldn't waste money the money on sessions until you both confront the issues in your marriage and join together to work toward a solution.
If nothing else you may find individual sessions to be helpful in identifying what you both want in your relationship.
2007-03-24 10:20:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he has no feelings for u, why bother to stay. if he is involved with someone else, than u need to tell him to leave. if there is no respect, or trust it isn't easy getting the marriage back. both parties have to want this, and it can't be just for the kids. he will continue to cheat on u, and do just what he wants, because he doesn't love u anymore. best to get out of it, and move on with life, than live with someone u are unhappy with, who cheats on u, and u on him.
2007-03-24 10:18:57 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage is over. Counseling would work if you both wanted it to, but it doesn't really sound like you do, and if DEFINATELY doesn't sound like he does. Staying together for the kids is a HUGE mistake.
2007-03-24 10:18:18 · answer #8 · answered by mazey1967 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When cheating comes into a relationship, it has been my experience the relationship is over. Marriage counseling rarely helps any one when it comes to cheating.
2007-03-24 10:19:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I beleive in destiny but I still think you have to fight to save your marriage. Especially if you have children.
This ebook is a good resource to understand causes of your marital issues and to learn some important tips --> http://savemarriage.toptips.org
2014-09-25 23:15:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋