well....I really love my girlfriend...and i want to be with her for ever...but we have had people coming between us. one of them is her ex...and he keeps bothering her, but their like best friends. i told her that im fine with the fact that thier best freinds but i told her not to get TO along...so she said yeah...but she didnt listen and now they even tease each other and they keep namecalling each other, in other words, they gain trust with each other...so today i told her that she can do what ever she wants since she dosent listen to me anyways...so she got mad at herself...because she really loves me and she wants to make everything good, but she's seeing that she keeps messing up....and i keep reminding her that she could do what ever she wants now...aslong as SHE thinks is right.....am i being to harsh? or am i really trying to keep this relation?
2007-03-24 09:24:11 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
That's a really tough situation to be in. I think it's good that you are trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I suppose as long as she is honest with you, you should be all right, but what are the odds of her and her ex wanting to try to "make it work"? You have to look out for your own feelings and she needs to respect that, which apparently she doesn't seem to be doing as well as she could. Maybe you should ask her what her intentions are. Let her know that you need to look out for you best interest. Though you don't mind her being friends with him, you none the less have concerns about the nature of thier friendship, and she defenitly needs to know and respect that.
2007-03-24 09:36:09 · answer #1 · answered by Roger W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should feel thankful she still wants to be friends with her ex. If things don't work out romantically between you and her, at least you know you will still have her friendship. That should be somewhat of a relief I think.
Also, wouldn't it be more of an issue if she was out making friends with new guys, guys you don't even know? That would signal more trouble than her teasing an ex. Your girlfriend sounds like a very honest and loyal friend.
The problem is with you. You are saying one thing, "...I'm fine with the fact they are friends" but then you want to control their friendship by telling her to not be too good of friends.
I'll let you in on a little secret about women: The more of an issue you make out of things, the more they are tempted to make your worst fears come true. For instance: If you get jealous and angry and accuse her of messing around with him when she is not, she will think 'My boyfriend already thinks I am unfaithful so what the hell'... and do it.
2007-03-24 17:36:48 · answer #2 · answered by murkglider 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being harsh. When someone stays really good friends with their ex, there's probably something there. If she really loves you, she should back away from her friendship with the ex. Sounds like if you weren't in the picture, they'd get back together. She needs to choose between the two of you, but if you force the issue, she may not choose you. Hope it all works out.
2007-03-24 16:46:59 · answer #3 · answered by peanut g 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is her ex her best friend? I can see being friendly with an ex, that is a lot less stress. But not best friends. They obviously still have feelings for each other, and you are just as obviously jealous. How important are you to her? She should be able to have friends and so should you, but I would be suspicious that soon you'll be the ex.
2007-03-24 16:47:43 · answer #4 · answered by Elchrys 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she keeps repeating the same behavior even after you clearly told her how you feel, it may be time to move on. If the relationship is real, then maybe she'll be back though I would go on as if it is over so you don't end up disappointed. If the two of you were meant to be, then you'll be together...maybe now is not the time though.
In any case, you don't deserve to have your feelings over-looked repeatedly.
2007-03-24 16:41:33 · answer #5 · answered by Beth D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, it's a good idea to be worried. I mean, exes getting along? That's not normal, although it should be reccommend =p but I mean, from what I read, it sounds like they're flirting. HOWEVER, if she does love you that much, then you probably do feel guilty about making her feel guilty. Maybe when you think you know that you can trust her, then make it up to her.
2007-03-24 16:39:13 · answer #6 · answered by Banana Hero [sic] 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you're being harsh at all. It's only normal to get a little worried about his ex, especially if they are best friends. I think you trust her and she knows that, if something bad happens it'll be her fault.
2007-03-24 16:29:53 · answer #7 · answered by interpreters_are_hot 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your not even close to being harsh! you are really giving in actually. All you can do is just keep your eye on it or trust her! If things get worst, let her know how you feel...and after that, u know what to do....
2007-03-24 16:39:19 · answer #8 · answered by chazy30 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in the middle of a love triangle! She can't be friends with her ex. and be faithful to you, too. She is using that relationship to taunt you, and it's a little sadistic. Tell her it's either him or you, and if she picks him you've lost nothing.
2007-03-24 16:42:18 · answer #9 · answered by KIZIAH 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are doing is called "passive-agressive" behavior. You are worried about the closeness of her relationship with her ex and are trying to get her to feel guilty about it.
best thing, drop the subject entirely.
2007-03-24 16:33:38 · answer #10 · answered by afreshpath_admin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋