A friend tells you your husband is having homosexual relationships. What do you do?

Question

This is for a class project, so all answers are welcome. It would be preferable if women answered this question though. Thanks.

Answer 1

Well mine was and a friend did tell and I didn't believe at first. When I did find out, it wasn't too much of a shock and I had suspected for many years but gave him the benefit of the doubt. I constantly told him that he was and of course he denied and went as far as saying he hated gays. Like the saying goes, "there's a thin line between love and hate" and this line was very thin. I guess my already knowing helped me with realizing it was true. I'm now divorced and happy and just pray that no one else will become his latest victim.

Answer 2

I've learned that it is very hard for a man to admit to a woman that he is bi. It seems to be socially unacceptable by society. And many men keep their secret life secret. I am a little different. I think coming out and saying so and so said you were doing a guy just might freak him out. If the woman and man are in a marriage or relationship be smooth. After she and he re together, ask him about his fantasy's. See if he admits. If not I'd say well I have always wanted to be with a girl , have you ever had thoughts of being with a guy. This may make him feel like he can talk to her about it without being put to shame. And if he admits, she can say she knew all along , why didn't you tell me. And she really has to accept the fact and maybe participate or then she will know and must let him know she's not into it - too freaky for her and bye bye

Answer 3

I personally question why my friend told me this. Is she truly a friend or has she ulterior motives?

Okay, if she's really a friend, where did this information come from? Can it be verified?

Okay, it's true - So now you have to deal with how YOU feel about it really. Then once you understand your own feelings, you have to open the matter up to discussion with your husband.

He admits it and is verrrrrrry sorry.
You can forgive him or you can tell him it's time to call it quits and let him have his lovers.

You can offer forgiveness because he is what he is and while he prob. never intended to cause you hurt, he's a human being, too.

Then you get to forgive yourself for being so foolish not to have noticed the signs, so stupid to have married this louse and actually do go through in your mind (or better yet on paper) all those things you're now belittling yourself for.
Forgive yourself and move on. Life's really for the living.

If you like this answer, don't use the exact words for your class please, Teachers read this site, too, you know!

Answer 4

I know a couple to whom this happened. When the wife went for testing after finding out, the counsellor advised her that the husband's behaviour would not cease. The couple separated. The husband continues to have relationships with people of both sexes. He is not open about his sexuality and does not seem happy about his encounters with men but he still feels the need to see men, so I would guess that this behaviour would have continued if the couple had stayed together as it seems to be a need for this man.

Answer 5

Be a woman and ask him and let him know that you love him enough that you want him to be happy. After all that is why we marry to love and be loved and to make the person we are so in love we strive daily to make them happy. Coming out would probably be one of the hardest things for a person to ever have to face so I say if it were my husband I would be crushed and I would cry but I would tell him I am behind him no matter what he choose. I would make it clear that if he is having an affair with the same or opposite sex then our bedroom fun is off limits however his feelings toward the same sex doesn't change the fact that I love him regardless of his sexual orientation. I just want to help him be himself and be happy. I would support him but also expect him to support me while I deal with the issue as well.

Answer 6

First of all, I would check my friend's credibility. If she has a reputation for lying then I would check into it and not believe what I hear. Let's say what I found out was true, I would quietly walk away and file for a divorce cause I would not want to share my husband with anyone else and as for him being gay? I couldn't compete with that. I wouldn't have the right equipment.

Answer 7

Well, providing the friend is a reliable person, I would confront the husband about it. I would not just ask, point blank "are you gay", rather I would tell him the story of the friend telling me that and how funny it was...then gauge his reaction accordingly. I think if it is untrue, confronting him will show doubt and mistrust whereas my passive-aggresive way (which I usually despise) will find out the truth without alienating him.

Answer 8

If a friend told me my husband was having homosexual relationships..I would first ask how she knows this? did she see this??...then I would probably follow him and see for myself if this is true. No sense asking him...straight up ...as if he was ..he wouldn't tell you anyhow. Goodluck on your school project*~

Answer 9

Any hoohah outside the marriage is no good for the relationship, regardless of what kind of human. He straightens up or gets the boot.

Answer 10

I object to the fact that even schools are promoting this type
of behavior by asking that an assignment be done on it.