How do I build up my self-esteem when everyone pushes it down?

Question

I join everyclub possible. Have a lot of " friends," but few true. The people that aren't my friends want to see me fall. I have done nothing to them, but I don't know how to let them not get to me all at once. It's just hard when they're around you all the time in school.

Answer 1

The first important thing to start to build up one's self-esteem is to ignore people's opinions about you. It will be difficult but it is achievable. Humans need good social relations to thrive. Form a judgement about how you think a good friend should be like. And go on from there naturally and the true ones will come to you. Always remember that good friends build you up, no matter what you do. Right now have more time with yourself, think about what you are good at, and believe in it.

Accomplish something small a day. Like conquering a task that looks seemingly difficult. Jot the procedure and results down, tell yourself you learn something new today and how you feel about it. It doesn't matter if you couldn't do something, find another way to try solving. And rejoice if you succeed. It's perfectly fine if you can't, leave it and get back to it later on.

Humans are everywhere and you are bound to meet unique individuals every single day. Each human is different, some build you up, some tear you down. Life is simply too short to care about those who are not worth thinking about. Simply ignore those that have a negative impact in your life, smile at them when they say something wrong/bad about you, assert yourself (if it bothers you) to stop them from doing it again. Even if they are friends/siblings/relatives close to you.

It will be difficult, but try to take the first step. The earlier you learn about protecting your dignity, the better/smoother your life would be. Those who want to see you fall simply isn't worth your attention. Focus on things that are of higher importance. Good luck.

Answer 2

Your obviously outgoing and that is wonderful in regards improving self esteem. You have lots of friends (another plus) but unfortunately "true" friends are difficult to find which makes them all the more the "gem" when you do find them.
To handle those friends that are not true that wish to see you fail, don't offer up any information to them with regards to your goals or aspirations. If they don't know what your plans are they can't put them down or make you feel like you may fail at them. Basically your avoiding feeding fuel to the fire. Keep your conversations to the minimum. Pass the time of day and be polite but don't let them in on anything they can use to hurt you. Think before you talk and ask yourself if what your about to say can be used against you.
Your heading in the right direction hon, good for you ! Don't jump too quick to think someone is a true friend either. There are those in sheeps clothing so give a friendship time before drawing your conclusion. The ones that are not behind you in what your goals are, are those who are jealous. Keep your enemies close but keep your friends even closer.
The best of luck to you ! Set your sights for whatever it is that you want to do with your life and go for it. Don't let anything anyone says or does stand in your way.

Juniee

Answer 3

I went through that in high school and after looking WAY too hard for sympathy I learned the obvious: it's simply called competitiveness. IT'S GOOD YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE AN EFFORT, BY JOINING CLUBS AND ALL, BUT this means little if you don't put it into perspective of doing it for YOURSELF AND OTHERS...if you do it for just others (to "get them to be your friend") and not for yourself you end up with the kind of nasty "half-friends" you describe. For example, if you join a club, make sure it's something you want to do anyhow, regardless of it "might help you meet friends".

...And, in American culture, most often you have to choose between being a winner or loser: there's no "moderate" in-between. If you want to get treated well you'd sure as anything have something good to offer....if you don't, it's not fair to them.

So you shouldn't be surprised when your "best-friend" takes your boyfriend from you, for example. In a case like that take it from her perspective: it sure beats being a loser and that kind of stuff doesn't happen "because it's you" but because you're "the nearest easy target".

You build self-esteem by being competitive, don't apologize, be as hard on them as they are on year. The only people "out of your league" are the people you either let beat you or let them think they're psyched you out.
Stay in shape, speak your mind, be smart but not at the expense of being proud and skilled sexually. Keep the attitudes of both "if you can't beat me then why are you even talking" and, to back it up, keep up talent to the point you can either win or get close enough it's not worth their crap to challenge you.

That's the middle ground where you can be a real woman...not a B---h (too demanding without having anything to give), a S--t (too giving without standing up for oneself), or a dork (self-respectless/undemanding, untalented/give-less, and dumb). The other thing is, if you want a true friend with 100% loyalty try getting a dog...humans can only go so far: if you get someone to be 95% loyal, as a friend, you're doing a great job.

Answer 4

Why do you care about what people think about you? People that aren't even important to you? You need to ditch the people constantly putting you down that you call "friends." Stick to the people who stick by you. Being popular doesn't make you happy.

I would be willing to bet that these two responses by these rude people made you feel worse didn't it? Ask yourself why!! Who cares what they think. It's not like you lost anything from these people why would their opinion matter? Chances are they don't even practice what they are spouting out.

Esteem is best grown by having an example of your worth. You put a lot of time an effort into building up friends who aren't really friends. You have gained little for your efforts. Redirect your energy into something more productive and efficient. Whatever makes you happy and keeps you motivated. If you put all your effort into your studies then you could be valedictorian and have something to show for your efforts while all these other people get drunk and only have a hang over for their efforts.

Answer 5

Hi There,

I think the most important thing in your case is to surround yourself with those that are positive influences. You need to be around friends and family who encourage and support you not push you down. There are always gonna be negative people in this world who try and get you down, unfortunately that's just the way some people are in this world. But, you have to realize that those people who are trying to bring you down are probably doing so because they lack self esteem and don't know any other way to function except for to bring others down with them. You have to be strong enough to, let those people be who they are and rise above all that stuff. Just be yourself, and the rest will follow. There are true friends in this world and there are those who are just simply friends with no substance. You know who your "true" friends are because they are the ones who encourage you and support you. They don't put you down and make your self esteem go down instead of up. Always surround yourself with positive influences whether they are friends, family, teachers, strangers, anyone. You will only fall, if you allow yourself too. I am sure you have the strength inside, to be the person you want to be and with good self esteem and great friends. Take care and if you ever need someone to listen feel free to contact me via email. Good Luck.

Answer 6

You build up your self by believing in yourself first. Self-esteem is all in you. Its how you feel about yourself. If you think low of yourself then you will feel low and act low and others will see you as low. Have confidence in who you are and what you believe in. I am not saying walk like your ish dont stink but you got have a certain confidence level that no one is able to touch or take away from you. Everyone on the outside might be pushing you down but you got to stop pushing yourself down as well. Start with you first.

Answer 7

Well words can kick you when you're down, but in the future, it's supposed to make you stronger. As for now, you could learn to ignore, which can be hard at some points, but seeing that you have some true friends, rely and trust them when at school. Maybe they can be the shoulder you need to lean on when you feel like everyone's against you.

Answer 8

Tell them to go f**k themselves! Lol, just kidding. That's a tough one.. Are you in high school? Don't let them bring you down. They probably have low self esteem too: they just try to build it up by bringing other people down. Bad karma for them! Make sarcastic comments to them as much as possible. Remember that they're idiots!

Answer 9

If you know they are negative people why do you listen and hang around with them.Take yourself out of that picture and try to get some new friends.If you can't get away from them that might be your downfall cause it seems as though you are listening to what they say instead of proving them wrong.

Answer 10

Try not to let other people influence you, just be yourself. If they do not like you, then they do not deserve your friendship...Do not let them push you down!!!