I need help! Please help me to stay stronger...Thanks!?

Question

Hi,

I'm a married woman and I like a co-worker guy who is also married. We used to be very nice to each other but not anymore. I guess the reason because we both know what we did was wrong and gotta stop.

Now, I want to quit this job but still I can't stop thinking about him. It's too awkward and I feel bad and ashamed going to work everyday. I hate this feeling. I have learnt this lesson in a hard way.

I've been seeking ways to NOT thinking about him. He's the first thing on my mind when I open my eyes in the morning and he's also the last thing on my mind when I go to bed every night.

Please help me get out of this. Please help me not miss him anymore. I do wish him and his wife all the best. Please help me move on with my life. I need help. Trust me, I have tried but I can't do it. To me, he and I are like meant for each other but can't be together because we're both married. We both try to do the right things and by doing the right things, it kills me emotionally. Tks

Answer 1

Try to get other things on your mind. Read a book. Concentrate on your marriage. Find another job as quick as you can. It will be easier if you don't see him everyday.

Answer 2

Cheating is wrong and you did wrong but your human. Be honest with yourself. You don't love your husband and he doesn't love his wife or you wouldn't have let it go so far. How can you wish his wife the best when your trying to tear her life apart. Stop looking for sympathy and do the right thing. Be honest with yourself and your husband.

Leaving the job or quiting won't help because you let it happen at this job what make's you think it won't happen again.

If you feel bad and ashamed then why did you mess with this guy in the first place. Seem's to me you have not learned a lesson cause your still fretting over it.

Think about your husband he is the one who is gonna need the help to be strong if he still love's you. All your saying is you need help, stop being selfish and think of those your hurting. You don't need help for what your causing.

Answer 3

Actually I don't have an answer for you because 2 months ago I had a similar experience at my working place the only difference is that the guy is single, but right now I know exactly how you fell, first of all because I'm married and I'm pregnant from my husband, but I still think about the other guy and all possible ways to have him. At the same time I wonder if I shouldn't stay still with my husband and family...my heart tells me to fight for this guy and I feel like I'm pretending to love my husband all the time. I don't even know if I should keep this pregnancy, God forbid, but I really don't know what to do, so if you get an answer that helps you out, please send it to me cause it might work for me, too. Thanks. Sandy

Answer 4

I tell you what, you'd better get strong real quick and real fast because if you guys mess around again and he gets to feeling to guilty he might break down and tell his wife and then you won't have time to think about him every waking moment because you will have a hurting, insane with jealousy wife chasing after your *** and just bursting to tell your spouse, which I know you don't want. Also the reason you feel guilty is because you know you are dead wrong for how you played your husband because you took a friendship too far and you want to now act like you are so weak. You knew full well what you were getting into and you also knew you could have stopped anytime and just up and quit the job and gave your husband some lame excuse as to why you dont want to work there anymore. Stop playing games on this board homegirl. You my dear have stayed at this job because you still want this man and it is apparent that he called things off and you arent happy with that and you wanted the relationship to continue and he is the only one who realized that he was putting his marriage at risk by continuing the affair. You on the other hand dont feel sorry at all and you dont care how much this is going to hurt your spouse and you think you are in love and I can tell you right now you are in lust. You are going to screw up your kids lives with this. I hope it was worth it. I understand sometimes needs do not get met in a relationship and we want them to be filled. You didnt even give your husband a chance to even do that . You madam are a liar and furthermore you are trying to make people feel sorry for you and what you have done to your family. You need to seek godly counsel so you can get over yourself. You're selfish honey just face it. If you don't like what I said tough nuts. Like the saying goes if you're scared go to church. You will eventually be found out and lose your family. And I am sure that when this is all over, your lover will still have his family. You played yourself over a man who isnt even that into you. Like I said I hope it was worth it. Fool!!

Answer 5

I'm not clear on what happened between you and your coworker, but either way, I suggest being honest with your spouse about everything. Even if it was just an emotional relationship, it was still a relationship outside of your marriage that shouldn't have taken place.
If it comes down to it, get another job, or ask to be reassigned. Your marriage is far more important. It sounds like there may be some issues you and your husband need to address.... seek professional help if necessary.

Answer 6

First of all, you are definitely wrong to be cheating on your husband whether you have a justifiable cause or not. If your hus and cheated on you I don't think that you would really like that. Women are always bashing men for cheating and putting us down, but here you are admitting to doing it to your husband. If you have a good husband, then you really are pathetic because women are always saying how there aren't any good men around. When you get one, you don't appreciate him, unless you have been with a dawg prior to him. Anyway, if you can't prevent yourself from "accidentally" (yeah fu*king right) falling into bed with the other guy, then both of you need to get a divorce before someone gets hurt, or one of you get killed!

Answer 7

You are in a postition that should of never of happened. Since it did though and you know it was wrong you now have to be able to control your actions and quit being so selfish. Try to focus on your husband and children if you have any. They should be your top priority. The best thing you could do right now is look for another job and pray to God to forgive your sins and pray for help to get on the right path.

Answer 8

I understand...But honey look at your husband. Do you love him and do you want to leave him?? Make sure that you love him... your husband.. focus on him. He is the one who you married. Does he deserve this? You are talking about some one who committed to you. He said he loved you and married you. What is wrong with your head??? You must decide and quickly. My mother said never ever leave a man unless you are sure you do not love him. That is if he is with another woman are you going to care? Just picture it in your mind. Can you picture your husband with someone else? Does that bother you. Because when you walk out that door there is no coming back. You have already cheated and you need to find another job fast and never look back. If you love your husband you better find away to make it up to him and dedicate the rest of your life to making him happy. If you do not love your husband than file for divorce and get the heck out of Dodge.

Answer 9

There is no two around this, your feeling will stay for a while. I think he is doing the right thing and you are not the only one that feels that way about the situation. If he loves you as much, he will also be hurting. Be strong, try to focus on other things that interest you. You have to spice up your marriage and redeem yourself by loving your husband and family more. think happy thoughts.

Answer 10

That is a difficult situation. Perhaps getting some therapy and/or a new job. You probably are going to still think about him for a while, but at least you won't be working or living near him. Do not not love people who ask you if you are ten. And then tell you to grow up.Pretty shallow answer. Really shows their maturity level. Hang in there!

Answer 11

I read somewhere--in a science magazine, I think--that the "obsessive" phase of a relationship lasts about 3 months. So if you have feelings you can't manage, it might help to make up your mind that you will leave the situation alone until a specified date and then will have a good clear think about it. This means putting thoughts of him away and not letting yourself fantasise at all. It's easier to do this, apparently, if you can think to yourself that you will be able to think about the forbidden subject in 3 months' time. But by that time, hopefully you will be able to think more clearly.