The funny one, eh? My head is spinning as I have to decide whether to stay or not in my marriage. We have lost intimacy. Several years. We can't talk about important stuff without getting into an argument. The thing is - I don't even want to be intimate with him. Which is fine, because he does not even try to initiate it. But do I want to live my life like that? No way. I really want to have kids, but realise this is not going to have in this relationship, at least not now. I don't have another 3-5 years for waiting. Should I try to force myself? What should I do? Tried counselling (had 8 sessions together and it did help me, but overall I felt that my husband did not take any conclusions for consideration).
2007-03-24 07:53:34 · 9 answers · asked by Alyssa Macey 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sure, you can force yourself to do anything, but ask yourself this - why? Why put yourself through that. You should not have to force something that should happen naturally in a loving relationship. You clearly don't feel anything as far as desire, so why try to force something that is simply not there. If you do, you will more than likely feel very empty after.
Only you can say whether or not you have given up on the relationship. At least you do recognize that having kids in this uncertain relationship is not a good idea or a fix for things. Besides, kids end up living what they learn at home, so to do that would be really unfair.
Maybe you should try counseling by yourself to figure out why you are staying. Maybe those reason are unclear and holding you back from making a decision.
Good luck, I hope your figure out what you want to do.
2007-03-24 08:19:12 · answer #1 · answered by Shelly 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
is the question...should i have sex...or should i have sex to concieve??? if your relationship is at an end, dont be selfish by adding a baby, this wont help matters, i think your longing to be loved is making you more broody, you need to leave a bad situation, get happy, then maybe a baby will come along, im 33 yrs old, would like a baby too, but if it doesnt happen for me with the person i love now, then so be it. A baby needs to grow in a loving environment, whether you are single and happy or in a happy relationship in the future, the important factor is .....happiness and contentment.
2007-03-24 08:15:45 · answer #2 · answered by natc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When things get rough I always ask myself, "What made me fall in love with him?" I try to rekindle those feelings. Marriage is give and take and if you want it to work then maybe you need to initiate a healing. Write him a love letter telling him what you love about him. See his reaction. If you are only having sex to have kids then that is the wrong reason. Don't bring a child into a loveless marriage that might end in divorce. The baby deserves a loving family with 2 parents who are truly in love with each other. Good Luck!
2007-03-24 08:10:27 · answer #3 · answered by ♥Trying♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last thing a child needs is to be brought into a dysfunctional family with intimacy and communication problems. Fix your relationship and then think about having kids.
2007-03-24 09:02:13 · answer #4 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try to talk to him about what you feel..but tell him first that you are doing that to fix the situation and it doesn't need to argue. Ask yourself if you still love him..be sure of what you want and feel then talk to him, ask him if he still loves you.. I f you both still love each other then fix the situation... show some affection and love.....
2007-03-24 08:05:07 · answer #5 · answered by Donnabel d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling is a waste of time and money...
It only benefits the counselor..
Sounds like you need a divorce.
2007-03-24 08:01:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wouldn't that be like raping yourself?
2007-03-24 07:58:21 · answer #7 · answered by Joe B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No That Is Just Fuckin
2007-03-24 08:01:56 · answer #8 · answered by sweetsoul 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, if its not there anymore then its not.
2007-03-24 08:00:32 · answer #9 · answered by L3monDr0p 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋