I am and alcoholic but addressing my problem, my wife is obese and now she wants a divorce because of alcohol?

Question

We have been married 3 years and i have finally know that i have to quit alcohol and save me my marriage and for our 22mo old son. She will not go to counseling because she thinks that my problem is the whole thing. I take accountabilty for my mistakes and trully want us to work.

Answer 1

Well I'm no expert but if your wife isn't committed to solving your marriage problems then you can't go far, marriage is a two way street she should take responsibility and except that not all of your problems stems from your alcoholism. If She realises this then seeking counseling would be the way to go. Also she should seek help for her weight, there must some issues that cause her to be this way and she should sort them out. Its great your seeking help for your problem she should do the same. Hoped this helped and good luck!

Answer 2

Yeah you have the hardest part already done!! Admitting your part that is huge!!!
Now go to your meetings and get support. You cannot change your wife, you changing your ways may help her see that she can trust you and may open some doors to healing the marriage. She has probably heard before you were going to change, and does not trust you.
Write her a letter let her know your intentions and what you plan to do to save the marriage. If when you are healthy and have completed a good length of time of being sober, then you can revisit the marriage commitments. I think now is time for you both to heal separately...
Stay committed to the marriage and your child and you may be surprised at how things will shift.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, it sounds like she wants out of the marriage and is using your alcohlism as the excuse. Its the easiest excuse at hand to grab so shes got hold and wont let go. It sounds like she has already made up her mind thats she wants out and thats why she wont go to counseling. Counseling wont work all the time especially if one does not want the same result as the other. Youre in a one sided relationship that is probably doomed. She can obtain a divorce with or without your signature so its time to prepare to move on here without her. You will always be your sons father and therefor an important figure in his life forever so dont lose sight of that. Good luck

Answer 4

I think that the important thing is that you acknowledge that you have an issue to work through. I am glad you decided to get help. Do make your best effort, because it's no fun to be married to someone who is an addict. No matter what your wife decides you need to quit alcohol for your own good. It's a pity she does not want counselling, but still it will be good for you and your son. Perhaps, she will come around later if she sees that you don't just "talk the talk", but "walk the walk". Good luck!

Answer 5

If you are attending 12 step meetings, it is likely that they tell you that your wife's behavior and attitudes are out of your control (though you can affect someone else around you without a doubt... you cannot make decisions for them)...

It is unfortunate that many marriages break up after an alcoholic decides to get sober, but it is a sad truth that it occurs more than I'd like to admit I've seen.

What has to be your priority is getting yourself into a healthy condition --- even if you *were* in a position to make her decision for her, it is unlikely that you could make *healthy* choices for her, since it is unlikely you are making many (or have made many) good decisions for yourself.

Also, many addictive-type people have a tendency to pair up with other people who will accept their addiction because of their own. It is probable, given your description of your wife's condition, that she has her own addiction problems. If she wants to get help then she has a chance to get better - but just like i'm sure you know with your own alcoholism, you cannot *ever* force a person to become well and face their addiction. Just because you are beginning to see the veil of denial begin to lift from your own eyes doesn't mean that your wife will have the same experience.

By letting her go, you might just save her life as well as your own.

What I just said reflects what I would consider to be a reasoned response without very much opinion.
My 2c -->
Seek treatment for yourself. If your wife decides to leave, you can't stop her - and sometimes a break is good for a relationship that is meant to last in the long term. If you are truly dealing with your own problem, and things are meant to last, you will not see your marriage end over this. If it is not meant to last, (aka if your wife just doesn't want to be with you) then it will not last, no matter what you do.
Do what you can for yourself first, then deal with your relationship. Relationships take a relatively short amount of time to totally destroy and a long time to mend. If you are willing to allow the mending to take place, there's a chance it could work. If you push it, it's almost guaranteed to fail.
Don't get in your own way. Get help for yourself, you cannot save your wife if she doesn't want saving.

Answer 6

I think both are serious problems that could be easily taken care of.
Do not even mention that she is overweight, that is not the problem here, though it may seem so to you.
The best way to save this marriage is to admit your own problems and tell her you are sorry that you have caused pain.
Tell her you love and adore her just the way she is, and if you have said anything to offend her, Sir, best apologize.
Focus on your own self and how to improve, do not bring your spouses problems up, it looks like you are trying to make yourself look good, or that your problem is not as huge as hers...( no pun intended)
She will love you much for it, and may get help herself, when she is ready.
Now, alcohol is a whole 'nother story, your brain changes when you drink, and it affects all around you.
That is what should be the focus right now.
:)

Answer 7

I, too, have a drinking problem but I'm not in therapy.
I, too, had problems with my family about my drinking. I didn't do anything except get sick a few times and never made a public scene. After trying very hard to make it all work and giving my support to satisfy their needs for these past 35 years I've been given the final ultimatum, quit or get out. I'm leaving.

I hope the help your seeking actually helps. It isn't easy but it is necessary for some.

Answer 8

Your wife obviously doesnt have a clue about what being an alcoholic is like. U should not quit drinking because of your wife and kid. It should be for YOURSELF. Trust me, if u try to quit for other people it will not work. U have to be ready to stop. U will need all the love and support u can get to fight this, people dont understand that alcoholics have a disease, they cant help drinking it is all they think about, but they often get the blame when its not their fault. They need support!

I dont know why u said your wife is obese, that has nothing to do with it and is just plain crewl to state that on here!!

Answer 9

Your wife can lose weight, but fighting a alcoholic addiction is very, very, very difficult. A recovering alcoholic stays a alcoholic for years to come. Alcoholic is a disease, but being fat is not.

Take the first step and move on to a program AA to wellness.

Answer 10

Now if she will not go for counseling, then you need to go, for yourself, that is a start. Now once she sees that you are working on your problem, then may be the two of you can work on your marital issues. Tell your wife, that you love her, and that you are going to go to counseling to save your marriage. I hope everything works out for you!