I really need help. My husband has two children from a previous marriage, boy age 7 and girl age 12, and I have two boys, ages 9 and 10. We have been married for almost two years and his kids hate me and my kids.
My husband's kids live with their mom in another city and my two boys live with us. We all go to see them for the weekend once a month. My boys get along ok with his little boy, but his daughter absolutely hates me and my boys. I tell my boys to be nice to them and I try being nice to them as well. Sometimes when we are with them I sit down, say hi, and try talking to them, but his daughter many times will just ignore me or wak out of the room.
My husband's ex cheated on him and they have been divorced for almost 4 years. She makes me out to be evil and tells the kids that I took their dad away. My children and my husband get along pretty well. They call him dad and they don't have a relationship with their real father.
How can I make all of us a family?
2007-03-24 07:38:58 · 6 answers · asked by 2boys mommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whenever we all go to see my husband's kids, we will take them places, do things, and just kinda spend time together. I really want my kids and his kids to get along and hopefully develop a good relationship together. But my husband's daughter will do things on purpose to be mean to my boys. She will pick on them, hit them sometimes on purpose, and has told both of them that she hates them.
Whenever I try to talk to my husband about this, he will take sides and say that he has to defend his kids. I always try to look at the situation whenever the kids are arguing or anything and choose what is fair. I really try not to take sides.
As far as their relationship with me, I have tried talking to them and spending time with them. I thought they would just need time, but they just don't seem to be coming around. My husband and I have a good relationship, but every month, we argue about this.
I don't want things to continue this way. What can I do? We have a baby on the way.
2007-03-24 07:50:21 · update #1
I would like advice from those who have been in this kind of situation and found a way to resolve differences. Tell me what you did to make it work.
2007-03-27 16:50:55 · update #2
Patience.
You are right his ex probably has an influence on her attitude but think...... She may also think you took her daddy away from her.
Chances are if Mommy was lookin around she may have neglected the home folk and daughter subconsciously found solace in her Daddy.
If this theory is right, she has to think your relationship with her father will strengthen hers not threaten it. Maybe it's up to your husband to take the action.
If he's aware of her negatives, he may subconsciously be projecting negatives to her which reinforces her perceived loss. Does that make sense?
When you're together. You pay attention to the boys and let Dad and Daughter re-bond.
& You and Hubby watch your tonality and body language. Your vocabulary may be sweet but your expressionand tone may reveal you don't trust her emotions.
2007-03-24 07:53:58 · answer #1 · answered by Caretaker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well be up front with your husband and tell him what is going on and explain why you think that is not a healthy way a living and starting a family, So have your husband explain to the kids what really is going on, and that it was their mom that left him, and have him explain that maybe they should give you atry because you are not as bad as their mom makes it out to be. It may work but it may not... their mom may have brainwashed them too far, nd their might be no saving them in the long run.........good luck
2007-03-24 07:44:12 · answer #2 · answered by tuffchevy86 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to. Let your husband try to form a bridge between his children and you and your children. You can also offer to invite the children to our home instead so that you can have them without their mother's influence...for at least some time. Your husband can tell his daughter the truth and perhaps with time...she will understand.
2007-03-24 07:44:33 · answer #3 · answered by Smriti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't.
You and your husband are completely to blame for causing these kids problems and heartaches. How selfish.
All I can say is, good luck, make alot of money so you can bail out your kids from major problems in the future and when you divorce, try not to remarry again.
.
2007-03-24 07:44:40 · answer #4 · answered by ark 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would say be patient with her even though it has been two years. i would either say that she doesnt know what went down or still hurt that are never gettingback together. i would suggest that she go see someone like a child psycholgist to help her figure why she feels that. sometimes times kids who go through divorced they need help understanding why it happened and to understand how they feel about it.
2007-03-24 07:50:47 · answer #5 · answered by OB the Wolf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
quit trying that will make the girl want to be with you even more
2007-03-24 07:48:17 · answer #6 · answered by andrew h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋