How can I get over someone that is very abusive in many ways (except physically thank God) but I still love?

Question

I mean verbally,emotional,mentally.

Answer 1

God said many who consider themselves faithful will be offended. See and love the person for who they are and let your faith keep you from being offended. Let God decide their eternal fate, you concentrate on yours.

Answer 2

The first thing you need to do is get away from him,and then seek some help because verbally,emotional and mentally sticks with you,where physically goes away if not beat to bad,Don't put up with or go though it any longer you don't deserve it no matter what,it is always someone out there to treat you the way you need to be treated and have a life and fun.It can't be no love there you are just use to him on the day to day basic tied up day,Make the move soon

Answer 3

Distance yourself from them. Do things you enjoy, spoil yourself. Buy yourself something you have always wanted and get excited about that.

Or give yourself a makeover, new hair do, get your nails done, buy a nice outfit and then go out for the night.

I have been with someone who was abusive (not physically), and I found that my biggest problem was, that they destroy your confidence so much with all the abuse, even if you dont think you believe it, it still affects you on a deeper level. Sometimes I would confuse love for what was, What could I do without them?

Or worse, after they are abusive, their always so great like their making up for it, but they never change.

It will be hard to do, extremely. But if you look at the big picture it is alot easier to get through. Just think in a year you could have someone who knows how to treat you right. You just have to get through the crap in the road first.

Answer 4

You might want to ask yourself why you love someone who clearly is abusive to you. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, the damage lingers long after the physical wound has healed. Do you not find yourself worthy of love, do you treat the people you love in an emotionally abusive way? If so, why? You need to figure out why you think it is okay to let someone talk to you like that, would you want this person to father your daughter, then speak to her in the same demeaning, humiliating way? Would you want your son to grow up thinking it is normal to "put his woman in her place" every once in awhile, as long as he doesn't smack her upside the head? None of these examples are ways people who truly know how to love another person acts. Find your inner strength, be strong for yourself first, don't allow yourself to be beaten down.

Answer 5

By realizing that you don't actually love this person.....but that you CRAVE love......you're confusing the two.

Someone who does these things to you doesn't love you.

READ: The 10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives.

REMEMBER: Abuse can go from verbal, emotional, etc., to physical......just because it hasn't gone there yet, doesn't mean it won't......

Get out now, before you have children.

If you need ANY motivation, call your local women's shelter and ask if you can volunteer. Keep your personal life to yourself, but go and be there for women who are worse off than you....but in all reality COULD be you, if you stay in that relationship.

Answer 6

You can do it my putting yourself first and start to love and respect yourself. Take as long time as you need, but spend that time by healing yourself, not feeling like you are the victim. If you allowed to tolerate this abuse, - you allowed it to happen because you did not know any better, perhaps. I don't think you can love someone before you love yourself. So, if I were you I would myself as my top priority to be happy and do whatever makes me happy - spend time with your friends, hobbies and go for the therapy. I know that a lot of people think they won't go to a counsellor, because they are fine. But I can tell from what you wrote that you need help. If you could do it on your own, you would have overcome this already by yourself. Take care.

Answer 7

To add to what others have said, it may in the end help your relationship to get out of there and get some intervention. Your partner may then be forced to get counseling and be able to work through his issues in a more positive way.

Here are some of the signs of abuse: http://www.ndvh.org/help/abuse_quiz-help.html

If you need help, now or in the future, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Answer 8

I am copying and pasting the answer I posted a few minutes ago to a similar question: a psychotherapist friend of mine once told me - while she was still in college - that she learned it takes as along as the amount of time she spent with a man to get over him! So - minus the amount of time you have been without him from the time you were were with him - and that would be the amount of time left for you to still feel sad. But just think - then you will start feeling happy again!

Answer 9

You should leave. The physical stuff is coming so if you don't want black eyes, a broken nose, broken jaw, your teeth knocked out, busted lips, you should leave. You don't want to be with someone that has such low self esteem that they feel like they should control you and say mean things to you. Don't you think you deserve better?? Don't hang out you can do better, if you stay then your just as sorry as he is.

Answer 10

Watch the movie "Diary of a mad Black woman" Put urself in the lady's place that is going through all the problems. Each time she does something, think on what she should have done, after watching the movie, recall the similarities of her life, and yours. Then do what u gotta do! If you watched the movie already, watch it again.

Hope this helps!

Answer 11

What is there to get over? You have provided no concrete examples, so I have no specific advice;however, if you are confident, disciplined, and happy, then what is there to get over?

If you are not those things, then it may have been that you got what you were looking for (show me a messed up relationship, and I'll show you TWO dysfunctional people). Stop worrying about somebody else and worry about fixing yourself.