Low Self-Esteem question- kind of?

Question

I was just reading a webpage about Low Self-Esteem and it said not to let people pressurise you into doing things you don't want to do, you'd think that was an obvious one.
I do have low self-esteem and a need to please people/look after them. My friend has had depression/suicidal thoughts and always manages to talk me into things i dont want to do by saying 'please i feel really emotional' of course i say ok. How do I put my foot down?

Answer 1

By the look of the things, it is not low self-esteem that you have. You are just too compassionate and sensitive person for your own good. I've been through all of these before, and it has partially ruined my life. I did a lot of things that i did not want to do, and would never have done if it hadn't been for her. I did not luck the courage to say no, I could give a lot of people a run for their money, but I didn't want to upset her. You have to be for your friends when they need you, there is no doubt about it. But in the end of the day, everybody has their own life to run, own path to follow. Do not let yourself to be manipulated. If you drag this type of friendship for too long, you might regret it one day. One of the main principles of friendship is mutual respect, and if she pressurises you into doing certain things you don't want to do, then she is just taking advantage of your kindness. By the way, this my above-mentioned so-called friend who used the same tactics to manipulate me, and for whom I made so many sacrificies, one day seduced my then boyfriend.

Answer 2

Don't let him blackmail you with suicidal thoughts that he's supposedly having. You need to think about yourself, what makes you happy. Because, if you're not happy, you can't make anyone else happy.
I'm not saying turn into a total ***** and don't ever do anything that you absolutely don't want to. Every once in a while it's okay to go with the flow, even if that's not what you really want at the moment. But don't let people use you for everything.
As corny as it sounds, you have to keep telling yourself that you're important and worth of everything you want and hopefully, you can find strength to be able to say no when you really feel like that.

Answer 3

Your friend is manipulating you. That is really disguisting for her to use her suicidal/depression to get what she wants. No wonder why she has you for a friend. People like her always find friends with low self esteem so they can always have the power over them.

Please, take your power back. Your first step is to confront your friend and explain that you love her, but you are done with her manipulation and if she wants to be a true friend, she won't use her issues to get you to do things. Second, get some help. Find out why you let people have power over you. No doubt she isn't the only one that controls your life. Third, practice what you have learned. Assertiveness is one of the hardest things to learn for people with low selfesteem. Next time someone says "Lets do this." Stop and think, do I want to? Then answer, "No, I don't feel like doing this today...I think I would like to...do you want to join me?"

You will feel so empowered you won't be able to stand yourself!!

Answer 4

Your kindness and your caring heart draws people to you like a magnet because they can sense something in you that gives them peace and hope. Unfortunately, they also see you as someone they can lean on and that is exactly what you tend to do, so stop it. The best thing you can do for others as well as for yourself is to help them to stand on their own two feet just as you must stand on yours. It's okay to reach down in order to help a person up but never allow that person to pull you down to where he or she happens to be. Remember the old adage "Misery loves company" , and please don't fall into that trap again.

Since you believe you are a person with low self-esteem it is time for you to focus on becoming the individual to want to become and sometimes that means having the ability to simply say "No" without having any feelings of guilt or regret. If this seems selfish, that's okay, because you must take excellent care of yourself before you can really be of great value to anyone else. Take care and God bless!!!

Answer 5

Stand up straight feel yourself, love your body and be natural.
What had happened ? There's always a reason why you got low self-esteem, it's either you got bullied or some other reasons, but whatever it is remember that it's always nice to try to be confident.

Confidence is what you need to oveecome your low- self esteem and be proud for who you are. You don't need to be popular to have a good self esteem, just being natural and confident everyday.

I hope I have given you sufficient and useful information, until next time !

Answer 6

I have had the very same problem, and my friend eventually became so much of a vampire without any boundaries that she began calling my work and my family and shrieking into the phone. That didn't go over very well and I had to tell my boss that she was a stalker.

Maybe it would help to write out your answer beforehand and practice saying it. Like, "My heart goes out to you that you're feeling so bad today, but I'm really not set to go out tonight and do that. Would you like to do instead?"

Also remember that just because somebody has mental health problems does not give them a free license to boss you around or take advantage of you. They're that person's issues and your doing everything they tell you to is not doing them a bit of good, it's just making them more needy and dependent on others.

Answer 7

Maybe you are hooked into Compulsive Helping? It is good you are already realising what makes you uncomfortable about this.

You are perhaps choosing friends who can bully you into doing what they want, through their own pain and trouble. This has suited you in the past, and suits them as they get what they want with not much difficulty, but it is a kind of blackmail...they are threatening 'suicide' if you don't agree to do what they want.

You could be choosing friends who do not put you into this awkward situation.

I learned one phrase to say when I felt I was being manipulated: 'I am sorry you feel like that.' Or you could say 'I would feel very uncomfortable doing that.' - ie expressing your feelings without criticism of them.

Best all round if you take responsibility for yourself, and let them take responsibility for themselves. Easy to say, less easy in practice, I admit.

As someone who grew up in a violent home, it has taken me over 50 years to start to learn how to be in less manipulative relationships and my selfesteem has improved as I gradually stepped out of my 'comfort zone'.

Good luck to you.

Answer 8

You have to stop being the soft touch and also consider yourself.
Learn to say 'No' more. Your friend is using her suicidal tendencies to emotionally blackmail you in to doing things you don't want to do.
be assertive, start saying no and stop being a doormat.

When she says she feels emotional then you should say back ' I'm sorry you feel that way but I don't' want to go to the mall or similar....

once you have said no a few times your friend will learn she doesn't have you round her little finger anymore!

Answer 9

If you find it hard to say no, buy yourself some time by saying "I'll have to check if I'm free then / have the cash / already doing something, and come back to you", then spend a bit of time preparing yourself to say no. Work out how you will say it, prepare youself for them to start whining and trying to get round you and resolve not to give in no matter what. Once you've done it successfully a few times, your friend wll find a new "carer" who is easier to manipulate.

Answer 10

i don't think that means you have low self esteem.
unless this occurs often...but it just means that you're a push over. which means that you're scared to stand up for yourself...because you don't want to face the result (or something like that).

but what kind of things is she making you do? b/c quite frankly..that girl should be doing something to get herself better, like see a psychologist. not try and get her friend in the same boat. but maybe she doesn't like being alone. and she wants someone else to share her pain. but that doesn't mean that she has to control you. YOU should be the one controlling HER, and helping her to get better! why don't you start suggesting things to do? and when she asks you to do stuff....say no...but how bout the movies? or whatever. goodluck.