we gotmarried less than a year ago, we have 4months-old baby and his ex is many kms apart but the letters were so lovey dovey...like...i wish u were here and we do this and that....and there were too many of them, we did have some problems in our marriage before because its difficult to adjust to the new situation with the baby but now we practically argue every day and we argue over everything and then i cry....i cannot swallow it....do i leave him?
2007-03-24 05:43:33 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am sorry to tell you, but yes this is cheating.
You should talk to him about how this makes you feel. If he loves you he will correct his behavior. If it persists you should both try to seek the help of a third party couselor. Sometimes it takes hearing it from someone else that this type of behavior is destructive to a marriage.
Best of Luck.
2007-03-24 05:54:20 · answer #1 · answered by Eric T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After less than a year that is not a good sign. If you argue in front of your child that is not a healthy environment for raising a child. You need to do what you think is best for your baby. If you can get marriage counseling please go.
Emotionally it is cheating. If he is lying to you then where is the trust? If you are both under 35 then the probability of you staying together 5 years is slim so you might want to cut your loss and leave him. Keep the respect you have for your husband now before things get worse and have a healthier relationship between all of you.
Of course you should seek professional advice and not take anything from this message board before you take any action. Your child deserves the healthiest environment for it.
2007-03-24 06:00:50 · answer #2 · answered by inlimine99 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all what I have to say may hurt you even worst but, here it goes.I have had the same problem so form experience I can tell you a thing or two. Frist I think that a man that had spent a number of years with a person still have some feelings for that person, because that person was like their right arm. They ate together, slept together ext... The guy will tell you that he does not care for that person,but that is a lie. And the bad thing about it is they will always care for that person. Having said that , If you feel that this marriage is worth keeping then do so. By the way I say that is cheating because he should forsake all others including his ex. P.S do not let her come between your marriage you got him now.
2007-03-24 05:55:41 · answer #3 · answered by Tonya B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well since you have a child together I would second guess the leaving thing and try to work out the problems.. but on the other hand if he dont want to be with you, meaning that he is emailing some crazy home wrecking hooker.. then tell him pack his **** and be on his way, you dont need that in your life.. this is so common anymore, and I dont think it should be, the cheating rate is higher and higher everday.. seems others dont care what they do to the person that the loved so much at one time to marry.. you should not have to deal with this, he is making you second in his life right now by emailing her all the sweet nothings I am sure you would love to hear.. see what happens is, people get married and then relise it is not as great as the thought, then they find ways to spice things up, they go to affairs and cheating because it would be easier and they dont have anything invested in it.. meaning time and money, but I do wish you luck, and think the person options through before you act on them..
2007-03-24 05:54:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is writing love letters to the ex it doesn't matter how many miles she is from him, the problem is he still wrote them and that is what should matter now. If he gives you a lame excuse you two were having problems well, then he should have been trying to work on them instead of putting all his energy into writing these letters. Honey, don't cry over someone who treats you terrible, been there and done it even with letters to the ex. It ended up in divorce but not to say your will. It takes two to work on a marriage and if one partner isn't willing your fighting a lost cause.
2007-03-24 06:38:18 · answer #5 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is definitely cheating! First you need to tell him that you know about the letters, and you need some answers. Give him the chance to explain, but be strong and hold your position. Do your best to see through any lame excuses and lies. He should be focusing on you and the baby. It's easy for someone else to say, just leave him, but I went through a situation where my ex-husband was abusive but it was hard to leave with my newborn son. He needs to be more understanding and patient. You just had a baby 4 months ago, your hormones are raging, you're dealing with being a new mom, and you've only been married a year. So many changes to be going through! Tell him this! You need a man who is loving, supportive, and isn't professing his love to someone else. Get some answers, do your best to see through the BS, and try to move on! Wishing the best for you and your baby!!!!
2007-03-24 06:00:14 · answer #6 · answered by paddington_ck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely look into it more because it could be more than just the letters, it could have gone farther. Follow your heart, don't subject yourself to years of unhappiness for your child. My mother did when I was young and regrets it everyday. She knew she was unhappy but didn't want to take our dad from us. If your heart says to go, he can still be in your child's life. That is disrespectful to be doing that behind your back. He obviously still has feelings for her. If he is willing to cut off all contact with her completely, then you can give it another chance if you are able to TRUST him again. Your marriage is still young so if you are not sure if you want to go, give it a try. Otherwise, you deserve someone what wants you and ONLY you. Good luck.
2007-03-24 05:53:37 · answer #7 · answered by .:Adrians' So Handsome:. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's having an emotional affair. Whether or not you stay is up to you and him. He has to be willing to cut contact with his ex and direct his feeling towards you. If he can't then it's only a matter of time before the emotional affair turns into a physical one. I would seek the help of a counselor or pastor. Babies strain even the best of relationships, but if their were problems before it makes it even harder.
I wish you luck.
2007-03-24 05:50:24 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is cheating!!! But NO!, you shouldn't leave him until you've tried! Don't give up in a battle that you haven't fight!
You have something to try for: A FAMILY!
If I was you, I would find out exactly what's going on, and then try to figure out how to work on it!
Marriage is Marriage whether mistakes are made or not!!
2007-03-24 05:48:10 · answer #9 · answered by myliz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that! You have been married only 1 yr. you both should be enoying wedding bliss. ... !st its the letters then secret phone calls... OH<< Its his sister!!!! RIGHT!!! then its the nightout w/ boys... he acts like hes 15 when this goes on ... then its oh HONEY>>> no phone calls gone 4 the night Don't know where hes at... What a liar ... FINIALLY you'll catch him in bed w/ another woman!!! ... Honey save yourself the trouble ... GET OUT NOW!!!! HE cheats MENTALLY!!!! eventually it will get easy 4 him & he'll blame you ... Such a loser!!!
2007-03-24 06:10:44 · answer #10 · answered by remi m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋