what should i do about our marrige now?

Question

my husband and i have been married for 2 years and decided we cant take each other anymore. first of all, my parents forced us to get married in order to keep my baby because i was pregnet and under 18 at the time. and after 2 years, i finally realized that he has no respect for me because he calls me names every day.and i guess i dont have much respect for him either because im always nagging at him. so now we have decided to not be with each other anymore. where should i go from there? how much is a Divorce? im so hurt and confused right now..any one with experience who can help me?

thanks everyone for their supports, i really need it right now. i do love him very much, we have been friends since 4th grade, together 3 years and married 2 years. we do live together in a apt right now, he suggested that we release together because we dont have the money to go seperate ways. he says he loves me but can take the arguments anymore. theres times we get along, but times we just argue about the most stupid thing. i will look into counseling because i do want it to work out. im just questioning my love for him, is it truely love or do i just love him as a friend?

thanks everyone for their supports, i really need it right now. i do love him very much, we have been friends since 4th grade, together 3 years and married 2 years. we do live together in a apt right now, he suggested that we release together because we dont have the money to go seperate ways. he says he loves me but can take the arguments anymore. theres times we get along, but times we just argue about the most stupid thing. i will look into counseling because i do want it to work out. im just questioning my love for him, is it truely love or do i just love him as a friend?

Answer 1

You and he are both deserving of the name twit. Look kid, you and he decided to screw around and have your fun. You made a kid doing so. Your parents were right to make you marry. But they should have handcuffed you two together.

Look, you both need to grow your butts up. Neither of you have learned to stop caring about your own wants for more then a minute. Too bad you both arent as worried about the kids, for it deserves far better.

You know, you both are living a lesson that if you have some sense, will get through. You made choices that you knew were wrong. Now you must deal with it. You two need to finally do what you should have learned long ago. Honor your vows, work together, make your marriage work. Both of you need to learn to be respectable and then to show respect. And put that kid first. And dont give me the crap about divorcing is for the kid, for you would be lying.

Answer 2

Been there, done that.

First, take a deep breath. You'll be okay.

Second, are you sure that it's over? If you're not, then marriage counseling is in order. It can work wonders, if both of you are ready to try to make it work. If it's completely broken, it's completely broken, however.

Even if you don't go into marriage counseling, DO seek individual counseling for yourself. You have a long road ahead of you, and getting healed from the hurt will be a struggle if you don't get help. Look for sliding scale places, women's shelters, etc. to help you find what you need at what you can afford. Do it for the baby, if nothing else.

Third, divorce can be either as costly or as cheap as you each decide you want it to be. If you can agree on things like the baby's custody, if you can agree on how to split up any property, how much support is to be paid, etc., then the cost is going to be somewhere between $100 and $1000, depending on where you live and how much attorney time is involved.

If it's going to be nasty.... it's going to cost you bucks. BIG bucks. and it will all go into attorneys pockets.

Seek out groups through churches or school districts or even women's centers for support groups. If you can seek emotional support from your family, do it.

Finally, don't beat yourself up. Easily said, I know, and not so easily done. It sounds like you were forced into a bad situation, and you're now trying to make it better. Focus on that, focus on making a good life for you and the baby, and remember that you are never alone in this.

Answer 3

You and your husband have been forced into a horrible situation and to begin with, I would love to smack both of your parents for doing this to you.

Second, although I think it's horrible to be parents when you two are still babies yourself, it's too late to stop that and parents you are.

Both of you NOW owe an obligation of loyalty to this child, who I imagine is the only reason that the two of you are still together and although you don't say so, I doubt there is anything but abject love from you for your child and from him for your child, right? Focus on that; especially now.

That said. I suggest that the two of you begin the rest of your lives as adults and go see a mediator, family counselor or whatever it will take. You need to find a way to be friends again and stop hating each other for destroying each other's lives, even though you are splitting up. You have a baby to raise TOGETHER and divorce will not change that... Which although, I am against it, in your case is probably a very valid option, given the circumstances of your marriage.

What the mediator/family counselor will do, is help you two to communicate with each other better so that you can stop hurting each other long enough to move on into the divorce. While you do this, you need to make your parenting of this child work, and the mediation will help you find that ability.

Use the child as your focus and things will be much easier for both of you.

Above all, look at your child, you have created TOGETHER, the only thing greater than God. Do that baby justice.

Answer 4

Have you guys tried marriage counseling? I know that you think it's a long shot at this point, but I would at least give it a try. On the other hand, if didn't ever really want to be married to each other in the first place......
Marriage at such a young age is hard, especially when there is no respect. If divorce is the way you want to go contact you local legal aid. They can assist you with the legal process of obtaining a divorce. Good luck.

Answer 5

Parents don't always know the right thing to do. Have you tried counselling, perhaps a trial separation may be a good idea so that you can both decide whether a divorce is the roght route to take - you may find that some time apart may actually be a good thing and your relationship may be all the better for the split. Otherwise if a divorce is the answer then you can find out howw much its going to cost then.

Answer 6

A good attorney can cost, but you can hire a free lance paralegal to prepare your paperwork, and represent yourself in court. In either case, child support and alimony is a must. You need to find a place to live, find a job if you don't have a degree maybe you should think about earning a certificate for real estate or paralegal, or legal secretary, something to hold you financially. Tell your parents to help, after all it was them who forced you into this marriage, they can help with child care, that will really lighten your load. Whatever you do, do it be yourself, it will be hard and you will have so many bad days, but trust me in the long run it will be worth not answering to anyone, being free and independent, self confident. You just need to figure out your life and what is best for your baby. Don't worry, things always seem much worse than they are. My mom always says " as long as there is no illness, I can deal with anything".

Answer 7

What you are doing is the rigth thing, if there is no love or no respect then move out.. where are you living rigth now??? renting or with realtives ??? do you have a job??? All this things you willhave to see if you are renting I assume you have a contract ..Talk to him and if you can stay where you are at rigth now then stay there if not look for a small place just for you and your baby BUT don't go to your parents house, they can support you if they want, but that way they will not be all over you and you will manage your life as you pleased... you can go to the child support office as soon as you separate from him so you can set up an chold support order so he can help you financually and they migth be able to help you with your divorce if not you can contact legal aid office in your home town they can be abel to help you free... Because a divorce migth not be cheaper then $1,000. At the time of the divorce the judge will set up full custody to you and share custody to him and visitation arragments for your kid... And since he is going to be your baby's father all his life you will have to deal with him just don't be figthing over the kids try to have a good relationship so it will not affect your kid and hopefully he continue to have contact with him... and never talk bad about your ex to your kid ... But make sure to file for child support it is his responsability too.... good luck and best wishes !!!!!

Answer 8

The question is, "Do you love him?" Despite everything that he has said, can you feel any emotion for him whatsoever? If you are able to support your baby and you don't love him, it's time to get a divorce. If you can't handle being a single parent, you have to suck it up and be the best parent you could possibly be even if it drives you crazy for the rest of your life. If he has no respect for you and calls you names, then its time to seriously sit him down and tell him to stop, and if he doesn't, make his life a living hell.

Answer 9

First of all know that there are billions of other people on this planet. The chances of finding someone who better suits your needs in a mate are very high.

Do not get discouraged. You are still young. If you feel you want to work it out with him I suggest you put everything into it and committ to make life better.

If you are committed to leave you should also try to committ everything to it as well. Do not waiver.

Answer 10

no experience- however your parents never had any right to interfere with your life to THIS extreme-underage and pregnant or not. you could get a dissolution or uncontested divorce, depending upon the state you live in. many state have vouchers that help people with little means of support obtain divorce. look into this--together. you are both to young to be hurting like this. may god bless you both and your little one. things can only get better.