i been married for 7years now when me and my husband were dating i played him with anthor guy and told him about it. that was like 5years ago and he still haven't got over it. our marriage it's not that good right now because we are always fiaghting. i told him that he needs to start trusthing me agian or our marriage is not going to work out because he always think i'm doing something worng and i really don't know what to do anymore. please help someone, anyone. thank you.
2007-03-24 05:11:40 · 11 answers · asked by or1030 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Trust is BUILT, not demanded. It will take a long time for him to trust you again, if he ever does.
2007-03-24 05:15:33 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't NEED to start trusting you; YOU NEED TO EARN HIS TRUST!!!
Reassurance is a powerful thing when it comes to marriage... and you should work on that...
Mistakes are made and that's part of being human, but being sorry is not only expressed with an "I'm sorry", it takes much more than that... It doesn't matter how long it has been, the thing is that he is missing something to help him get over it and that is YOU letting him know that he is the ONLY man in your life, but not with words...
Being betrayed is not something that we can get over from overnight, no matter how much we wish that we could... So you have to put yourself on his place, and think about the things that would make you feel better and do those things to him. It will take a lot of energy and thought and effort but at the end you would be getting back much more: TRUST and a better relationship. But for that you need to stop criticizing and judging him for not being able to forgive and start understanding the situation from a point of view other than your own... That's what people that cherish a relationship and want to make it last do... If you can't do that then you should walk away...
No, I'm not saying that it is only up to you, it is something that you both need to work on, but you have to work on yourself!
Too bad it's a lot easier to be said.
2007-03-24 05:19:36 · answer #2 · answered by myliz 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe it's time to move on?
Fighting, lack of trust, probably blah sex, and wondering if it's time to go scream out that the relationship has probably already gone on too long for the two of you.
Perhaps considering an amicable split before things get really bad is a good idea.
If that's not palatable, then suggest counseling. If that doesn't work, then your back to either suffering for his lack of trust or leaving...
2007-03-24 05:18:56 · answer #3 · answered by Deathbunny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happened before you were married, it should be done with. If he's still thinking about it, then he has issues. Is there other things he still can't get over? My ex was like this, and it only got worse with other things as well. He started building a mountain of things that really didn't matter anymore or were exaggerated. I would seek counseling if not together then by yourself. This was one of the many reasons I divorced my ex.
2007-03-24 05:31:26 · answer #4 · answered by Lana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
makes you wish you never told him doesn't it? sorry to say i know how you feel. although i never messed around with the guy, i certainly wanted to and would have if the opportunity would have presented itself. it's only been a little over a year for us and i know he doesn't trust me even though he says he does. he just doesn't act like it. i can't imagine still feeling like this 4 years from now. i hope you find an answer that will help you. i'm sorry i was unable to. i just wanted to let you know that you were not alone. that there are others going through the same thing you are going through. good luck.
2007-03-24 05:20:54 · answer #5 · answered by fungirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well,It was you who betray his love, trust n marriage 1st. You need to prove him that you want to work thing out with him. show him your sincerely and patient. It not easy to do amendment but if you do want to have this marriage work out. you have to make more effort in making him happy and feel loved again. Let him feel secure.. knowing where and what you are doing now! when he cannot find you or get you on the phone, he will panick as he worried that you might be with someone else. actually i think he loves you alot and has been making effort to work things out with you for past 5 years. It not easy and i understand. you cannot tell him that he need to trust you again. you have to prove your actions to him that you worth the trust not just by talking. Good Luck and be patient. He still loves you and things will work out.
2007-03-24 05:22:11 · answer #6 · answered by TO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust cannot be given, it must be earned.
You can not make someone trust you as much as make somenone love you. Sometimes in the begining both are easily gained but both can be easily lost. Once trust or love is lost.... it can be difficult to impossible to get back.... in the end he may forgive you, but he will never forget what you did.
Think twice befor you act.
2007-03-24 05:19:59 · answer #7 · answered by Darren 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the day he can prove that he is perfect is the day that he has the right to point his fingers at you. You're right, without trust this marriage isn't going to make it and it will be his fault for causing you to turn away from him.
2007-03-24 05:20:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
i think youmight need to put in some work to gain some of his trust. tell him where you are sometimes. call him and telll you love him, leave him notes. cook him dinners. do small things to let him know that you are all about him. then he wouldhave to do his part in trying to trust you
2007-03-24 05:24:43 · answer #9 · answered by Jahpson 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is a b*&^h to get back once it has been broken...all you can do is show him you are in it for the long haul...he is the one who has to find it in himself to trust you again.
2007-03-24 05:18:27 · answer #10 · answered by Brutus 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋