Can a person be bipolar AND a good spouse?

Question

My husband is bipolar. He takes his meds like he is supposed to and doesn't have fluctuating mood swings. The things about him that drive me crazy beyond belief is his inability to be smart with money. Also,he works hard but depends on me for about everything from the application process to updating his resumes because he is not an native English speaker, though he is quite fluent. He is a very nice person, truly, but after being married for almost two years, I feel more like I am his friend/caretaker than his partner in life. I am scared that I no longer love him like a wife but more like a really good friend. To make matters worse, he is not American and won't get his citizenship for another 3 years. Also, I will be starting grad school in the fall and won't be able to afford it on my own. So divorce is not an option for at least 3 more years. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

I'm sorry. This must be so difficult for you. My husband also has a mental illness. Marriage to a mentally ill person is difficult, but you can make it work. But you should be careful about staying with him to make him a citizen or so you can go to school. Marriage to a mentally ill person is very difficult and may fail anyway if the commitment is based on things like that. Also, if he becomes incapable of taking care of himself, the longer you stay marriage, the more responsible you will be if you get divorced. If divorce is what you want, you need to talk to a lawyer now. If you want to make your marriage work, it will require a lot. First, you need to be in marriage counseling, plus you each need to be in your own counseling. Yes, that is very expensive, so if you do not have the money try to find free resources and support groups in your area. Second, if he cannot handle money, he should be given limited access. A bipolar person can go out a blow the families whole savings or something else that would cause huge problems. You should manage all the money, pay the bills, he should have something like one credit card with a low limit. That is all he can have access too and all he can use each month. Finally, you need to always remember yourself, do not let caring for him become your life. You need friends and family and a life outside your home.

Answer 2

Yes.......But this entirely depends on the effectiveness of the meds. Bipolar disorder is complicated because it is has many causes and symptoms. Therefore his meds may lose effectiveness and he may need different ones later. He probably also has some kind of mania, OCD and sleep issues as well; so he's taking all kinds of meds. One of my best friends is Bipolar and cannot keep a job but is in a stable relationship.

This is something he and you will need to face for the rest of his life. You should not have married him in the first place. If you are feeling this way now get out. Don't worry about his citenzenship. You will resent him more and more and if you do not have the patience to postpone gradschool for another 3 years. Get out. Separate. If you can take care of him and have the patience to take care of him then you might want to stick it out but it doesn't sound like that. And he needs someone who does have the patience to take care of him.

Answer 3

I had a boyfriend for almost three years that is bipolar. No, I never blamed myself because I am only human after all. We enjoyed being together because he is a very smart, funny and handsome guy. It was hard to be with him because every full moon he became suicidal. I began keeping track of the moon phases. It became a burden to deal with these ups and downs because he was an emotional vampire. I certainly wouldn't suggest having children with someone like this simply because your children could end up with it as well. He didn't want children and that worked out because I already had children. He had a great psychologist but when he moved away to CA he decided not to find another one and he began to unravel after about three to six months. We parted ways on a civilized note because he wanted to become an animator and I did not want to stop him nor did I wish to move to another state and not be married. I didn't want to marry him at that point and so, he harmoniously faded away from my life.

Answer 4

Wow! I feel like I can relate to your side of the relationship. Earlier today I posted my frustration with my fiance and apparent depression signs and symptoms. Some of what you are describing could be related to the BPD but could also be his traits or personality (like the spending and dependency upon you for help). Do you split tasks and chores? Is he better at some things than you are? Friendship and compatibility are must haves, I believe, in any type of positive relationships. But, also that intimate caring and feeling of fondness has to be there, too, when talking about marriage. Or at least that is what I want and need. Maybe his culture represents what you are describing. Have you researched it? This may a great way to bring up what is going on by comparing American culture re: marriage to his culture's views and get feedback from him. Good luck, and good luck with school. I just got my master's. It ain't easy but it is worth it!

Answer 5

bipolar is a very treatable condition...and as long as u both use good judgement u will get through it just fine....if u feel he is too dependent on u make him take on some of the responsability...and i dont care about his native speaking skills he can learn the language and do his own paperwork.
If u still feel that the love is gone then get out of the relationship u will do more harm then good if u stay just because u cant afford to get out,thats just plain mean.

Answer 6

you definately can work on this marriage!! remember u made a vow that you will be by his side thru bad and good times..

my boss is bipolar and she and husband are doing just fine.. theyve been maried for 9 years and together for 13..

as long as hes taking meds to help him.. and as long as u have patience, then it will be fine!! talk to him and be gentle wih him.. it isnt easy for bipolar people to go thru life as if theres nothing wrong!!
what he needs is a lot of understanding.. and im sure things will work out

Answer 7

Yes, it's possible. His inability to take care of money, may be a symptom of mania or it could simply be that he's just not good with money. Plenty of people are like that! If he has no other 'manic symptoms' and it's just a money thing, it's not his 'bipolar' it's just him and his personality. Educate yourself about his mood issues and learn to see that he's not just 'bipolar' he's *what's his name* too!

Answer 8

Be glad that he takes his meds, and lets you handle the $.
My second wife, not only something wrong with her,
(probably bi-polar), but she wouldn't take meds,
or even admit she had a problem. CERTIFIABLE IDIOT!
It could be MUCH worse.
Hang in there.
My feeling -
we all have problems- it's how you deal with them. Best to you!

Answer 9

You can pray for him..I think the only thing in the world that makes me leave a man ..is the fact that he cheates on me..and doesn't love me..doesn't agrre with my beliefs..in case they are good...and true...I don't know what is bipolar ..and I don't want to know...acctually only God knows what an ilness is ...and why....Actually I don't believe in ilness..acording to Job-Bible, illness are bad troubles coming from satan...either because we sinned or because we are too right..and he wants to prove God..we shall sin..if we will get an illness...we don't deserve...

Answer 10

What a user you are!!!! Why don't you go get a second job or a student loan and stop using this man as your educational grant.