Is this a normal thing with men in a marriage..or its happening to me alone?

Question

before we got married wow..roses and expensive jewelry...now we are married i get toilet brushes and pots...

i do keep the house clean....what the f...?

is it normal with men in a marriage, i need also men to answer..or its happening to me alone?

Answer 1

I love your question. Yeah...it does get harder to get the romance going after years of marriage. What I find really nice are the silly smses we send each other in the daytime when we are both at work....just a simple 'i miss u' or something naughtier. It makes you look forward to seeing the other person later in the day.

Basically it all boils down to communication and compromise. I do the cooking (cos I'm a much better cook than he is!), I do the laundry and the kitchen is my 'territory'. All the other stuffs like cleaning the toilets & balcony, mopping and vacuuming is his department. And yes...the kids go to their aunts/uncles place to sleep over once in a while so we have the whole weekend to ourselves...its cool!

We all got to work at keeping the flames alive hun...dont give up!

Answer 2

It seems to be normal that the wooing stops once the marriage starts to some degree. But then again the whole idea behind (insert romantic gift here) is to be spontaneous and irregular enough that it's not expected and comes as a pleasant surprise. This is the reason that I told my husband from the beginning that I think Valentine's Day is kind of retarded and that unless he really feels like doing something special, I don't want him to. I want a romantic gift/gesture to be heartfelt, not compulsory.

It's easy to get caught up in the daily grind but if you want him to be more romantic, then be more romantic yourself! Dropping hints doesn't work (men are too thick to get them) and asking for more romance only sounds like nagging or a threat. So....take him out for a romantic dinner, buy him a present for no reason...etc etc. He'll probably realize that he hasn't been doing the same for you and change his ways! If not, I guess you could always nag him.

Answer 3

That is completely normal. It is not just men who do it either. People when in relationships, take people for granted over time. Think of it like a new car, when you first buy it you wash it constantly, no one can drink soda in it, it is always clean. After a while, there are french fries on the car and a little dirt on the outside is not a big deal. The newness is gone....

If you want flowers you tell him you want those types of gifts again. If he doesnt listen, threaten to leave, then you get flowers.

Answer 4

This is a very common thing in marriage, as the "in love experience" wears off and marriage becomes something you need to continue to work on. It happens the other way around too: my wife doesn't come to bed anymore with sexy stuff on ready and waiting for me, as it usually takes an act of god for her to initiate sex these days. Here's what my wife and I have done:

We both had to come to the realization that a marriage has to be nurtured and taken care of. We make sure we date at least once a week where we focus on EACH OTHER, and not the kids, the housework, etc. I still bring here roses from time to time (I can't afford the expensive jewelry) and when I gave her pots for Christmas, they were from Santa and to both of us. However, my wife claims that she loves that kind of stuff because she's a very practical lady - lol.

Good luck!!

Answer 5

Hi Gladys, I see the difference between courting, as you described, and dating. Dating seems not to be a serious thing...go out and do whatever and if you don't like the other, dump them. I believe that is one reason for the high divorce rate. Men haven't been taught the proper way of courting, and our young ladies don't know what to expect either. I saw a change in church some 20 years ago. The youth group wanted to teach the young ladies the art of dressing and make-up. But the young ladies wanted to go shooting like the guys. Maybe the "woman's liberation" movement had some to do with it too. "Equality??". I am gald that men and women are different!

Answer 6

We live in a society that makes marriage seem like this blissful thing.

It's work.

The purpose of being married is to create a family.

That being said, don't stop dating your spouse.

Do the work that needs to be done, and then find some play time together.

Your intimate levels with your spouse will become almost non-existant when you have kids.

Again, it's work.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.

Answer 7

Oh honey - it's NOT just you. Most men know how to do the "courting dance" - and once you're mates - they stop doing it.

Now - some communication from you - about the fact that you still like to be "Wowed" now and then - will be helpful. Very often they are clueless.

Some - are close to perfect - and know just what's necessary to keep their woman happy. But - there's not a lot of those - so please don't feel alone.
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Answer 8

Suddenly the house is yours alone to clean. I know the feeling. Can't help you with that puzzle - it helps if you have a job and money is not tight, to hire a cleaning woman to come in once a week and give the place a good working over. The roses and romantic gestures: speak up and remind him that you need them. Good luck!

Answer 9

I reckon this is a normal thing. Have you asked him why he doesn't wine & dine you any more? I put this question to a number of my friends & their reply was that their wives don't put out as much as they used to, however the wives reckon they don't put out because they're not romanced any more. Maybe he is spending his money on items he feels are more necessary even though I don't feel that it's right to do on your special day. Maybe you could do the same to him on his birthday etc., or buy things you want eg:perfume and wrap it up for him. He might get the hint.

Answer 10

Do you just have enough money for one or the other? If that isn't the case then tell him you still need to be romanced once in a while. Have you changed how you used to treat him? Sometimes we need to look at our own actions. Maybe you had taken things for granted. Alot of guys do only spoil us until they get us. Call him out or buy your own and give him the bill!