I abandoned my best friend because I didn't agree with her decision to abort her baby.Will she ever forgive me

Question

G has been my best friend since high school (we're both 21) and we've always been extremely close. She told me she was raped walking home one night and I tried as gently as I could to get her to report the rape but she was just terrified so I letting it go. She was a virgin waiting for marriage and finding out she was pregnant was a devastating blow to her. She was determined to have an abortion and because I was so set in my own beliefs I told her if she went through with it, she’d lose me as a friend. I did a horrible thing thinking it would change her mind but she went ahead with it anyway. She’s a shell of the person she once was now and I wish so badly I hadn't given her an ultimatum now. Will she ever forgive me? It’s been 3 months and we haven't spoken since. I tried talking to her after I found out she had the abortion anyway and she told me never to talk to her again. What do I do?

Answer 1

Send her a card - find one that says, sorry, I was wrong. Or a card that reads, I am here if you want to talk.

You could send her flowers.

She may be feeling so low that she won't take your phone call. A card/gift might open her up.

Good luck.

PS - from now on.....leave the judging to God

Answer 2

Why should she? She was raped, and you made your personal beliefs more important then compassion and support. If this birth was so important to you, did you offer to adopt her baby and support it for its whole life? If not then you're the reason she had an abortion for your concern was only judgmental, with out any personal effort offered. Its a classic example of holier then thou attitudes that religious folks use to condemn others. Religious folks can bomb the hell out of other countries, and then "forgive" themselves for it, but when a women has an abortion, why is it that it becomes this "unforgivable sin"? Sometimes we do need to chose between the lessor of 2 evils. This is a lesson for you about your own hypocrisy. You feel ashamed as you should, not for upholding your beleifs, but for forgetting that forgiveness maybe the most important one. Although you do have a chance, you can insist on being her friend, tell her that yes, you do deserve her anger and you have made a vow to keep your beliefs but to temper them from now on with your heart. If you keep up your efforts and take her wrath, your love can win over her anger, it may take 50 years, but so be it! If it took you losing your best friend to learn real love over self righteousness then your friendship died a noble death. And don't worry, that spirit will get a chance to come, it will find a new body someday.

Answer 3

You abandoned your friend when she needed you the most. You should have been there for her instead of saying, have the baby or lose me. I don't agree with abortions, for whatever reason, but it's not my place, or yours, to tell her she shouldn't have done it. From the sound of things she was trying to do right by her beliefs since she was a virgin and maybe she felt it would be a sin to have the child. This is a tough topic. Aside from what has already happened, you need to apologize to her. A million times if you have to. Tell her it was a mistake for you to give her that choice and a mistake for you to abandon her. It is going to take a long time for her to trust you again and you are going to have to win back that trust, It's not going to be easy, if it happens at all.

Answer 4

First, one of you should have reported the rape. Even though they don't properly punish rapists (hang 'em, I say), one must report the crime.
Secondly, your friend needed a lot of emotional support. She did the right thing, in keeping her virginity; then, an act of violence ruined that and traumatized her.
She needed someone there, to tell her not to victimize another person and there is an alternative to murdering an innocent baby, but all cases, one must be charitable. Charity demands that we do what we can for others, then leave it up to God. So, if you write her off, in most peoples' eyes, you are "judging" (condemning) her; I'm sure you simply wanted her to know how serious you were about the situation, but abandoning her was not the answer.
The effect, though, was to alienate her from you and now she is hurting deeply, partly out of guilt and partly from shame and does need someone, but you she doesn't want to see. The emotional stress is high.
She needs to know that all is not lost. Many women have killed their babies, then later realized what a barbaric and horrible thing it was, to victimize the most helpless and innocent persons, and they are sorry for that. Only the unrepentant need fear damnation.
She needs to know from you, that you were wrong--wrong in leaving her alone in her misery and now she's bitter. It'll be tough, but I think she'll soften towards you, if you are kind and sincere.

Answer 5

Well sounds like she was hoping youd have backed her up and in her mind you didnt and thats not what friends do you were right to have the belief you you its not right but you should have told her that but said but if thats what you want ill be there now you have to try and talk to her tell her because what you believed got in the way of what you said you realize your friend ship has been ruined but you want a chance to explain tell her you realise you messed up and need a chance tell her to hear you out then decide if she wants you back as a friend

Answer 6

This is so tough. She is going to have to get some kind of counseling to get through this. You can only tell her how sorry you are and make yourself available to her and tell her from now on you will be there for her. Don't make any judging comments about the abortion. What's done is done. Help her move on from here. The best of luck to you both.

Answer 7

This friendship is over, as it has been damaged beyond repair. She needed you to be there for her, not pass judgement on her. Do you honestly think you could have gone through having a rapist's baby? We need to put outselves in the other person's shoes. If she does ever talk to you again, it will not be the same trusting friendship that you knew in the past.

As for the rest of the answers who are calling this person names and passing judgment, are you doing the same?

Answer 8

will you ever forgive her??....wait let me rephrase that.. will you ever forget about her?? you kno if things dont work out in the end?? abortion is a big deal its not just like another visit to the dentist where they ask you if you want your teeth taken out so you have to understand that that decision wasn't easy at all.... you dont kno what she went threw...so you had to be there wit her to understand her... she did wrong wit the whole abortion but you did wrong at letting her go ok yeah you thought that she would change her mind if you told her that she would lose your friend ship.. but i guess it didn't work now did it?? shes hurt.. im pretty sure she still wants to be your friend but she wants you to understand her and not judge her thats what friendships are about.... now im not saying that YOU'RE the one that was wrong is this cause you're not you did what you think was right.. but hey she did what she thought was right so now both of yall that were wrong need to swallow yalls pride and talk about it.. well you tried talkin to her.. but you have to understand she was hurt im guessing yall were close so she expected you to understand and be with her because look....she didn't have to tell you she was going to have an abortion so you wouldn't of found out but it was her decision to tell you thinkin that you would understand but you didn't so now shes hurt thinking that you will always think about her as that ......and never let that go.. so i suggest for yall to talk but not just about anything ABOUT THAT...even if shes stubborn you keep and keep going at it shell give in sumday

Answer 9

Since you've known her for so long and in her eyes betrayed her, she may not come around.
If you are lucky she'll speak to you over time.
I think the ball is in her court and all you can do is wait and see.
You probably need to give her her space, but you can always let her know you still care in small ways.
Just remember it is not about you, it's about her.

Answer 10

You should talk to her. Don't tell her that she was wrong for what she did, even if that is what you think. Tell her that you support her because she thought that was for the best.
I look at it this way, if she doesn't want to talk to you after you give her all the reasons why you want to be her friend, then it is her loss and you just have to let it go.