G has been my best friend since high school (we're both 21) and we've always been extremely close. She told me she was raped walking home one night and I tried as gently as I could to get her to report the rape but she was just terrified so I letting it go. She was a virgin waiting for marriage and finding out she was pregnant was a devastating blow to her. She was determined to have an abortion and because I was so set in my own beliefs I told her if she went through with it, she’d lose me as a friend. I did a horrible thing thinking it would change her mind but she went ahead with it anyway. She’s a shell of the person she once was now and I wish so badly I hadn't given her an ultimatum now. Will she ever forgive me? It’s been 3 months and we haven't spoken since. I tried talking to her after I found out she had the abortion anyway and she told me never to talk to her again. What do I do?
2007-03-24 01:42:28 · 14 answers · asked by Breanna 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You abandoned your best friend because you disagree of abortion was good thing to do from you to her. She was the one who is narrow-minded and cruel. How dare she wants to end someone's life while she made it herself? It's all about taking responsibility for all actions you do in your life. Basically we'd pull in what we've pulled out. For every actions there are reactions after. Your best friend apparently cannot take her responsibility of her baby inside her. And you did the right thing to abandon her because no one has the right to end someone else's life like snapping your finger. All you did to her is right and correct. No need to feel guilty for your action to her now. I would abandon my best friend the same way if she tries to abort her baby. Are we out of our mind here? We are not animals, even the lions really take care for their own cubs and not eating them alive.
2007-03-24 02:08:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You abandoned her when she needed you the most. Basically you sat in judgement of her when you had no right to do so. You should have supported her while simply telling her that you don't agree with what she did but you still care for her and be there for her. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't talk to you. She's a human being, whether she was raped or not does not matter, it's her body, her choice. You don't stop loving someone because they disagree with you or make a "wrong" choice in your opinion. You made your choice when you decided to stand by your principals and judgements instead of your friend. She can't trust you because she'll never know when the next "ultimatum" will come from you. Unconditional love is what God gives us and thank heavens for that! What you gave her was love as long as she met your conditions. It's too bad for both of you.
2007-03-24 02:00:08 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may be best to write down your feelings in a note to her. It is easier to read what someone has to say and have a better understanding of your feelings because she won't be able to shut down and turn you off, but she will most likely read the note with a more open mind. You definitely owe her an apology. Friendships shouldn't have ultimatums. She has been through a terrible ordeal and needs all the support she can get. I'm sure that having an abortion was very hard for her, too, but can you imagine having a life growing inside of you that was the result of a rape? I can't imagine living like that for 9 months. She did what she felt she had to do for herself. Rape for some reason can cause guilt in the victim and the abortion did too probably. She needs to know that you don't judge her for her decision and that you understand and support her. Think it out, write it down and send it to her. I wish you both the best of luck and hope you can restore your friendship. For those who said she should take responsibility for her actions......She was raped, it wasn't anything she did or her choice to be raped. I can't believe that any woman should be made to carry her rapists baby in their body if they feel they can't handle it or accept it. I don't believe in abortion as a form of birth control, but I do think it is understandable in the event of rape, incest or molestation.
2007-03-24 02:24:15 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were not there for her in her time of need. Why should she forgive you when you couldn't do the same initially?! She was raped, she didn't need someone to "gently persuade her" to do anything, she needed someone to look out for her well being THEN to find out she was pregnant?! Do you think you could love and care for a child that was conceived out of a crime?!(I know there "exceptions" to the rule and I don't mean any disrespect to anyone out there in that scenario, in fact I take my hat off to you.) Twice she needed you and you failed. The only thing you can do, is to let her know how you feel and it's in her hands. Write her a letter and send her some flowers. I just hope that she has another friend that she can TALK to and not be judged.
2007-03-24 01:58:52 · answer #4 · answered by little lu-lu 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not sure I believe your friend's story, and I don't agree with her decision to abort. One wrong does not make another wrong right. But you have wronged your friend by not being sensitive, and attempting to control her actions. We do not please God on a daily basis, yet He continues to love and forgive us. I suggest you contact your friend in whatever way is possible and humbly ask for her forgiveness. I suspect if you are allowed back into her life, you will find there is more to this story.
2007-03-24 02:27:10 · answer #5 · answered by Lone Papa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why ought to she? She became raped, and you made your individual ideals greater important then compassion and help. If this beginning became so important to you, did you grant to undertake her toddler and help it for its finished existence? If no longer then you definately're the rationalization she had an abortion on your subject became in ordinary terms judgmental, with none very own attempt provided. Its a classic occasion of holier then thou attitudes that non secular individuals use to sentence others. non secular individuals can bomb the hell out of alternative international locations, and then "forgive" themselves for it, yet while a women people has an abortion, why is it that it turns into this "unforgivable sin"? each so often we do ought to chosen between the lessor of two evils. this could be a lesson for you approximately your individual hypocrisy. you experience ashamed as you need to, no longer for upholding your beleifs, yet for forgetting that forgiveness possibly the main mandatory one. even although you do have of challenge, you may insist on being her chum, tell her that confident, you do deserve her anger and you have made a vow to maintain your ideals yet to temper them any further along with your heart. in case you maintain up your efforts and take her wrath, your love can win over her anger, it may take 50 years, yet so be it! If it took you dropping your superb chum to benefit actual love over self righteousness then your friendship died a noble dying. and don't concern, that spirit gets of challenge to return, it is going to detect a clean physique sometime.
2016-10-01 10:14:38 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry u had to lose ur best friend this way. u shld have offered her more support but wat's done cannot be undone. i think eventually she will forgive u but u have to give it time n show that u r sorry for abandoning her in her time of need. u cld drop her gifts n presents, cards n such. then after she has warmed up to u, u cld start talkin and all. i hope this helps n good luck with your friendship.
2007-03-24 01:51:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't worry her anger may decrease as years pass. when she already have a family and children, she will fully realize what she had done before and she will be the one who will confront, thank and apologize to you. As for you, you must continue to give your friends advices which you think are morally right.
Don't feel guilty, you did your part as a friend. The Lord will not leave both of you behind.
2007-03-24 02:05:41 · answer #8 · answered by lola 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
email or write this down just like you did here and give it to her but at the end say that you pray that she well forgive you and that you need her in your life
either mail this to her or email it which ever way you decide it should work if not then she doesnt want to forgive you
2007-03-25 05:25:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont talk to her now.. give her a week or two to cool down. sometimes, a good support is to leave alone.
After a few weeks, try to call her or talk to her and see how her reaction is. Apologize if necessary.
2007-03-24 01:51:38 · answer #10 · answered by YourDreamDoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋