i've been with the hub for 7 years, married for 5 and we have 2 young kids. i can't say that i love him, honestly i married him while on a rebound. i never got over the other guy and i still grieve coz recently i found out that guy was planning to marry me after he gets his MBA. wat can i say, i was 23 and i've never been without a bf so when the hub proposed, i said yes. things have never been good from the start, the hub was violent and he used to hit me. its since stopped but now he's taking it out on the kids. just awhile ago, my 2 y/o girl was cranky and he hit her, she fell and hit her head on the side of the dining table. let's just say it wasn't the first time, he once hit my boy who was then 2y/o till the boy bled. he's ignored me, cheated on me (though he swears on God's name he didn't), treated me like crap all these years. Its not that i'm scared to lose him, i'm just afraid no one will accept me and my kids, who've never felt their dad's love. i'm really lost..
2007-03-23 23:10:26 · 18 answers · asked by sexxxy_sabs 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
in case anyone misunderstood, the kids are ours, not from my previous relationship. i never slept with the other guy, sometimes, people say i'm too faithful for my own good...
2007-03-23 23:40:24 · update #1
I have been in your situation and know that there is no question to be answered. What you want or don't want for yourself is irrellevant. The only thing at issue is the health and well being of the children. Your present living arrangement will lead to both physical and psychological danger for the children and you. It's only a matter of time.
Leave him! Then make yourself self-sufficient. Once you know that you can make it on your own and that you don't 'have' to have someone in your life you won't settle for less than you and your children deserve.
In a time when divorce is so commonplace, I assure you, that there will be more than enough men to chose from when you are ready to establish a relationship again.
I wish I could say that it will be easy, but I can't. I will promise, though, that you will all be happier in the long run.
2007-03-24 00:10:31 · answer #1 · answered by almostalwaysaldy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the best thing to do would be to leave. Not only has your husband hit you ( which in my opinion is wrong for any man to hit a women) but he's hurt your children, and cheated!. And you said something very interesting as well "who've never felt their dad's love"...wow!, if that's the case? then leave him. You and your children deserve alot better. Do it, not only for you? but your kids need to feel that love from a father or to have a father figure.
However, it's not that easy to find a man who will love you and your kids as well. But if your willing enough, and stand strong, that man will come..The best of luck to you in the future, i wish you and your children happiness.
2007-03-24 06:32:37 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
got over other guy? Quit living in the past...there is no future in it. Tell your husband he needs anger control... a woman who allows child abuse is just as guilty as the abuser. but, sometimes accidents happen when you are correcting your kids and there are two sides to every story.
You have to decide stay or leave...you can not start over and hang on to your (current now) husband as an insurance policy.
Starting over right requires honesty and leaving things behind even if it cost you everything you got. Even if you had no kids...the days of cinderella is something of the past and you learn from it , you can not relive it
2007-03-24 06:28:56 · answer #3 · answered by supordude 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your children are suffering for your insecurities. If you don't love him, he hits you and your children, then what is there to stick around for? There is no rule that after divorcing a man, that you have to find another one. Your kids would be better off without their father than they would be with their father abusing them. Sure, the ideal thing is to have a two-parent family, but this is not safe for you or the kids. If you see that he has transferred his abusive ways onto the children... time to go!
2007-03-24 06:16:48 · answer #4 · answered by ppaper.wingss 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you marry him ,the only one you are fooling is yourself.Remember you have to make love to this man for the rest of your life,i think this will be sickening for you.and he already hit your kids so remember if you marry him he will hit them more and also beat you.He don't love those kids.If he was a real man he would love those kids because they are your blood.I advise you to get out now while you can,think of your loving kids,someday they will grow up and will love you even more,think of the kids future.Don't be worried that no man will want you,thats not true,there are many good men out there who would appreciate you and youe 2 kids,my daughter has 3 kids and she married the second time ,her new husband Loves those kids with all his heart,he is a christian man.He takes them everywhere and they love him back the same,please remember this.God Bless .
2007-03-24 06:23:12 · answer #5 · answered by renee_29@yahoo.ca 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If this is the case I suggest that you should apply for PPO from the relevant ministry as it can help to protect you and your kids. If your hubby try to be violent with you when you have the PPO, he will have to face the music.
The next thing you should do is to leave him which I think is better for the kids and yourself. If your hubby carry on this type of violent act on the kids, it have a negative effect on the kids and may affect them when they grow up.
2007-03-24 07:11:17 · answer #6 · answered by Clown & Joker 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should definitly leave. I realize your thoughts on why you are contemplating staying however, life is what you make of it, and when you leave and get things stress free as possible in your life, you will feel so 'free' and your children will be so happy, and later in life they can say to you, they are so proud you had the strength to do the right thing, and place them in a safe environment. Anyone who doesnt accept you and your children, doesnt deserve your love or affection anyway. I see your profile, 'sexy', so I am guessing you feel you are sexy? it looks to me as if you DO have self esteem, so you s hould realize there will be men or woman that enjoy you and your company and your children... please do leave, do it for your children, and your state of mind... if you EVER need someone to talk to, email me and I will talk to you, no judgements, just encouragement , and support. Remember you are a great person and you deserve GREAT things....mnmmusicintherain@yahoo.com
2007-03-24 06:41:55 · answer #7 · answered by cocomnm 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
GO!!! I don't advise you to go after the former boyfriend...but definitely get your kids away from the abusive father! They cannot protect themselves...it's YOUR job as mom to do whatever it takes to make sure your kids never again get hit. He should have been arrested in the first place. Make sure his visitation with the children is SUPERVISED
2007-03-24 06:46:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
come on, u cant keep staying. i mean he hits u and hits ur kids(his asa well). man he is ruthless. both u and the kids cant stand him. it is either he doesnt love u or, i dont know, please leave him.
he hits u, well i dont know what went wrong but the kids, come on they are too tender to hurt him. look if u dont live, u will ruin the future of ur children and u will live to blame urself for ur unhappiness and that of ur kids.
if u live him, the guy who will love and accept both u and the kids will turn up certainly and u will be happy.
i know its a difficult choice to make but u have to for the sake of ur children.
2007-03-24 06:59:30 · answer #9 · answered by lilies 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to get out before you have to identify one of your children. You will find someone that will accept you and your children but your first concern should be for their safety. There are shelters in the US that will help you they are for victims of domestic violence. Good luck to you and your children
2007-03-24 06:32:32 · answer #10 · answered by kelsey 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋