Hello everyone. I am a 21 year old male who has wrestled with the idea of coming out for some time now to my friends and family. The problem is that these people are constantly putting down homosexuals, calling them "immoral" and "disgusting" yet will turn around the next moment and say that they like the person, yet do not "approve" of their "behavior" which seems rather hypocritical to me. The remarks they make hurt me inside every time I hear them because these are the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally. I have felt like I had to "play straight" for the past 4 years out of fear they would ostracize me were they to find out I'm gay. I myself have only accepted this part of myself rather recently (when I was 16) and I'm scared out of my mind. I haven't been able to carry out a normal dating life because my fear of being "found out" is consuming me. Anyone else experianced something similar and could they give me some advice on how to overcome this? Thank you all.
2007-03-23
22:21:12
·
8 answers
·
asked by
lunarlight555
3
in
Society & Culture
➔ Cultures & Groups
➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I understand bravery cannot be taught. I was just looking for similar experiances so I can get an idea of how I want to handle this. I apologize if I was somewhat vague.
2007-03-23
22:47:38 ·
update #1
First of all, determine if you even need to come out in the first place. It sounds like you have made that decision already.
The best thing you can do is starting from right now, any new people you meet, let them know at some point soon that you are gay. At least don't deny it or feel ashamed to say so. Once you tell a few strangers, it gets a lot easier to tell other people closer to you. Also, its a lot easier to just tell one person and be sure not to tell them to keep it a secret. It is so much easier for someone else to out you. Sure it sounds cowardly to take that approach, but it worked just fine for me and I have no regrets about it. I still had to come out for myself when my friends finally asked me about it, but it was easier because they were ready for it.
As for getting a bf without anyone finding out, don't worry about other people finding out. Again, this may be the easiest way to come out if you have a boyfriend by your side to help you through it.
I have never had anyone yet speak down to me for being gay or say anything derogatory.
I'll also add that I really feel like I can be myself after I came out.
One last support group that you can find in your area is the furries. Many furries are gay and you can easily associate with them. I'm a furry and you can visit my myspace and add me as a friend or send me an email.
Here's my myspace page. http://www.myspace.com/aidenharris
2007-03-23 23:06:20
·
answer #1
·
answered by closetcoon_fan 5
·
0⤊
0⤋
Wow. Tomorrow might not be the day to tell them! Also, you may need to make different friends if the ones you have now are that anti-gay or intolerant. That said, I make all kinds of racial jokes. I make woman jokes and blond jokes and Polish jokes...and I'm all 3. I just have a thick skin and realize a joke is just a joke. So maybe they aren't being so intolerant as much as they might be poking fun at gay pride festivities...which, admit it, are always flashy and unique and pretty interesting and funny to observe. So if your friends are cool in general you might want to pick the best, most welcoming, openminded two of them and tell them in advance. Then ask for their support when you tell the rest of your crowd. Don't do it when everyone has been drinking. That's just stupid. Also, make sure they don't think you are kidding. Just tell them the truth. I am not gay, so I am sure you can get better advice from someone who has come out. I have 2 family members who are gay and who came out. One told us all as a group. One told us each individually. And a fried told his family by inviting them to his "wedding " to his partner of 6 years. THAT was so cool. He planned this big party and invited everyone. He had a tent that was sealed. After everyone arrived, he gathered them all at the entrance to the tent, had the flaps swung back and there was a banner saying "Welcome to the union of George and Rick. We're gay. We're not kidding. Then they passed out wedding programs that had statements to their families about the pain they've endured by keepign the secret, how happy they are together, how they understand some people might not be able to handle the facts so if they didn't want to attend the wedding they could either stay outside of the tent and still enjoy the BBQ or they could leave if they needed to. Not one person left. Inside the tent it looked like a church with chairs lined up in rows, some flowers, really tastefully done (for a mid priced tent!) and a minister and 4 servers who appeared with champagne glasses filled with champagne for toasting. A 3 minute ceremony was performed, BOTH fathers even gave really moving, on the spot toasts, both mothers danced with their sons...it was awesome. Good luck. Please be sober when you do it thougH.
2016-03-29 01:56:44
·
answer #2
·
answered by Anonymous
·
0⤊
0⤋
My dear, listent to this very careful. DO NOT be ashame of yourself for being gay. The first big and the most important step that you need to take so others would accept you and respect is by you accepting yourself for who you are. Be prooud of who you are, if you love yourself others would love you just for who you are not for your sexual preference. About your friends and family by you coming out you may be helping them to understand better what being gay is all about. Remember they know exactly who you are and just because your sexual preference for the same sex does not make you different. Your family may express bad tours gay people beacuse they don't know them. But they know you and they have to learn to accept you and respect you. They may not agree with you but if they really care about you sooner or later they would understand you. You can also help them understant better what being gay is all about. If all they want is your happiness tell them that by you being true to yourself is the only way you can be at peace and happy with yourself. You have to live your own life, not the life that society wants you to live. You are the only one that matter to you. You are beautiful no matter what they say. Be yourself and be happy, remember its all about you. Good luck my dear.
2007-03-23 23:22:39
·
answer #3
·
answered by Anonymous
·
0⤊
0⤋
My family was kind of the same way about gay people even though we do have gay relatives they still talked bad and i didn't come out till i was 23. I kept quiet. That is damaging to a persons self-esteem. You have to find the courage to stand up for youself. I'm gay, this is who I am and if you don't like it then forget you. You might as well come out and be who you are because people are going to say things that you don't like, it's there ignorance talking. They don't know any better.
2007-03-24 00:23:52
·
answer #4
·
answered by What'd You Say? 6
·
0⤊
1⤋
You should tell your family that you are gay. We all wrestle with the question will they still love me if they knew? Well I figured, they love me, but they dont even know me, the real me. if you have to hide yourself to be loved, it isnt worth it. I hid it from my parents till my early 30's even married and had kids to keep the charade up and in the end my mom said hmph i thought he was gay. deep down they probably allready know. same with freinds if they truley are your friends they will come around. if not others will. lifes to short to hide.
2007-03-23 23:41:48
·
answer #5
·
answered by Anonymous
·
0⤊
0⤋
I have very little advice. however, I can give you my personal experience when my older brother came out. He pretty much wrote a letter to my parents telling them he was gay. My father pretends he doesn't know and they rarely talk. My mom was very upset for a while but later has grown to accept it. My sister totally disapproves of his lifestyle, she is kind of a born again Christian. I am accepting of my brother's lifestyle. It took allot of courage for him to do what he did, but now it seems he is more happy and less frustrated with his life. before he seemed very depressed.
2007-03-23 22:36:19
·
answer #6
·
answered by OzoidBlue 2
·
2⤊
1⤋
YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY SHOULD LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT.. THEY SHOULD WANT TO SEE YOU HAPPY AND BEING OPEN AND HONEST WITH THEM. YOUR HURTING ONLY YOURSELF... YOU NEED TO LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOU AND NOT WORRY WHAT OTHERS THINK I KNOW ITS YOUR FAMILY BUT THINK ABOUT IT UR FAMILY IS SUPPOSED TO SUPPORT YOU NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD IT MAY TAKE A LITTLE TIME FOR THEM TO OVERCOME AND UNDERSTAND BUT IN THE END THEY WILL SEE HOW HAPPY YOU ARE AND THEY ARE FINALLY GOING TO SEE THE REAL YOU.. NEXT YOUR FRIENDS... IF THEY ARE TRUELY YOUR FRINDS THEY WILL BE BY YOUR SIDE AND BE BEHIND YOU THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH THIS TIME WHERE YOU NEED TO BE PICKED UP. YOUR FRIENDS MAY NEED TO BE KEY HERE CAUSE IT MAY BE A LITTLE HARDER FOR YOUR FAMILY TO ACCE[T. IF YOUR FRIENDS WALK AWAY FORM YOU AT THIS POINT... THEN YOU KNOW THEY WERENT YOUR TRUE FRIENDS AND HONESTLY WOULD YOU WANT TO GO TO BATTLE WITH THEM BEHIND YOU... PROBABLY NO =) THE BEST THING YOU COULD DO IS NOT BE SCARED AND YOU NEED TO FIRST ACCEPT YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE... THIS IS WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY THEN DONT BE AFRAID OF IT... EVEN IN YOUR PLACE YOU NEED TO GO OUT THERE AND FIND THE OTHER PERSON THAT MAKES YOU WHOLE AND COMPLETES YOU AND YOU WONT BE ABLE TO THIS BECAUSE YOUR HOLDING YOURSELF BACK... ONCE YOU ACCEPT YOURSELF AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SAY T HIS IS WHO I AM AND ITS TIME TO SHINE .. OTHERS WHO CARE ABOUT YOU WILL EVENTUALLY FALL INTO PLACE... AS I SAID IT MAY NOT BE A WALK IN THE PARK AT FIRST BUT BE PATIENT AND UNDERSTAND THEIR PERSEPCTIVE AS WELL AND SATY CALM AND YOU WILL AS WELL AS THEM WILL OVER COME THIS AND IF WORSE COMES TO WORSE WHERE EVERYONE DISOWNS YOU JUST IM ME AND WE WILL CHAT AND GET YOU THROUGH THIS WINK WINK... YOU WILL BE FINE AND BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE EVERYONE IS UNIQUE AND YOU SHOULDNT BE ASHAMED OF THAT... PEOPLE WILL ACTUALLY ADMIRE YOU FOR BEING BRAVE AND STANDING UP FOR WHO YOU ARE AND NOT WORRYING WHAT OTHERS MAY SAY OR HOW THEY MAY JUDGE YOU... THE ONLY PERSON YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT JUDGING YOU IS YOU AND RIGHT NOW KIDDO LOOKS TO ME LIKE YOUR SETTING YOURSELF UP TO NOT GET A GOOD VERDICT WALK TO A MIRROR LOOK IN IT AND BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU SEE AND WHEN YOU DO THIS AND ACTUALLY START DATING YOU WILL FIND THE PERSON THAT WILL THEN LOOK AT YOU AND SMILE AND BE PROUD OF WHAT HE SEES BECAUSE HE WILL LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY FOR WHO YOU ARE. ITS TIME TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY AND NO BETTER TIME THAN RIGHT NOW TO START!!
2007-03-23 22:41:54
·
answer #7
·
answered by BigGuns16 1
·
0⤊
2⤋
Try to love yourself of whatever you are. People's hatred, rejection, refusal and judgment cannot stop you to be who you really are.
2007-03-23 23:28:47
·
answer #8
·
answered by Anonymous
·
0⤊
0⤋