First person to......?

Question

make me laugh gets 10 points. It couldn't be too hard, it's 4am. I'm gonna try to keep a straight face though.

Answer 1

I just made up a story, I don't want to milk it by posting it again but here it is again.


once upon a time n a far off land lived a mermaid
but she was to slutty to mer so she had to maid.
her father called her merhoe and this made her angry.
I mean, it would make me angry too.
so she went in his closet and tore all of his fins.
this made him angry as it would make any fish/man angry.
so what he did was he got a pimp of the ocean and sold his daughter to her. she was crying ya da ya da ya.... she had to hang out on the coral and wait to be picked up by johns. that's pimp code for customers. anyhow. push come to shove she goes to the fish market to get some fish fin shine when it hits her, im 18, I dont gotta deal w. this crap. so she swims up to shore and then gets caught by a fisherman. he guts her, he feeds his family, the end. good night.

Answer 2

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction.

The poodle thinks, "Oh, oh!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!"

Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear.

"Where's that damn monkey?" the poodle says, "I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Answer 3

ok here is a joke for you:

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only
one could go, but with one catch - he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted
to be paid for going. "One million dollars," he answered,
"because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He
asked for two million. "I want to give a million to my family,"
he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement
of medical research." The last applicant was a lawyer. When
asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the
interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.

The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you
$1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."

Wai it funny or not:Sky.

Answer 4

The Purina Diet
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dogs and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!
I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it . I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

Answer 5

A boy went to his mom to get a plain white t'shirt for a awareness programme(for smoking).Mom doesnt have a plain shirt so she sent him to school with a shirt with some words on.When the boy came back, the front read "families are forever".
And on the back,"be smart, dont start".

Answer 6

Ok. Here is a joke:

This kindergarten kid says to the teacher, I need to pee and the teacher says first you have to say your alphabet.The students says Ok.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO...QRSTUVWXYZ

And then the teacher says, where did the P(pee)go.
And the student says, down my pants!!!


Hahaha!!! Enjoy!!!

Answer 7

Everybody has one...some people are one. I tried! ;)