when i met my man, i was very specific about not wanting a commitment, being i was recently divorced with 4 kids. He stressed he wasn't looking to commit either, he was recently divorced too. we clicked from the start, he would drive 62 miles just to see me. we took it slow by the second month i became his girlfriend, he did everything to reassure me his intentions where good and long term.by the fifth month i was in love like i never been. he moves me out of my apt. and we moved in to a new one. we lived together for a month then he deployed to iraq, the second month he was in iraq he proposed, asked me to do a tubal reversal, i was skeptical but i accepted, He would send me engagement ring pic. online and swore that he would re-propose face to face as soon he came home, Even went as far as set a wedding date, he always reassured me he couldn't. wait to marry me, i waited 7 months, when he came home in feb. he was different, cold non -affectionate,non-chalont,called off the wedding,
2007-03-23 19:18:09 · 13 answers · asked by boriquacj 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Men, like women, are only human.
We can/do change our minds.
2007-03-23 19:21:30 · answer #1 · answered by michael2003c2003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably jumped a wall, only to land in the carcase of an exploded body, or saw a good friend take a bullet in the head, or etectera, ectertera. Seriously, war is not a game, it is not a random event, and it is not made for those who are distracted by thoughts other than the present. I am sure he was in a safe place when he proposed, but obviously sometime between then and now...something happened. I would be cold, and unaffectionate if any of the above happened to me. They are not random either, they have happened to good friends of mine. What I suggest is that you start the relationship as if you have a new interesting boyfriend. I am not saying first date, and everything irrational like that, but you have to seriously consider that this attitude could be a paradim shift that was inevitable. Hopefully he can come back to the realization that he is safe a home with a woman that loves him, but until then, he is who he is. Events mold us, but is is up to us to determine how well. If he is a soldier that is worth a damn, he should be in this state. At least for now.
2007-03-24 02:30:45 · answer #2 · answered by Heero Yui 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is not the case with men only. when u were in love, didnt u try to make this relation a success? didnt u make some adjustments for the sake of ur love. but u cant always be like that. when u date, u r eager to impress ur partner and u tend to hide u real nature. but it cannot be so always. when u atrat a life together, this fsce obviously comes out. that might have happpened with him too. ofcourse he might have tried to impress you, but dont think that it was a lie. as a friend has already suggested, he might have had a tough time in Iraq. he might have seen only the cruel aspects of life there and that might have caused this change in him. give him time to recover. then u should have a real chat with him. ask him whatis it taht hurts his mind and make him behave in a cruel manner to u and also tell him how hurt u r by his behaviour. if he confides in you, u can always help him face the problem. perhaps he expects something more from u and ur condition of lack of commitment may have been an impediment. i dont think u should b afraid to ommit urself to the new relation. its ur new life and inorder to make it a success u need to work for it. u get only what u give. a better relation with ur partner is in ur hands. use ur discretion. all the best to u.
2007-03-24 02:44:21 · answer #3 · answered by lilac4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both said you didn't want a commitment in the beginning.
Why the surprise when he backed off?? Sounds like you both moved way to fast into a serious relationship. Maybe his deployment had something to do with it and then when he was away he had time to think about things.
2007-03-24 02:25:41 · answer #4 · answered by Pinky Lee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should consider what he has been through while in Iraq. Maybw he needs time to heal from the terrible ordeal he has been put through. You need to talk to him about it, and give him the benifit of the doubt. But after time you will know where his heart is. And what you need to do. After all you have a life and kids to think of too. But give him a chance and the answers will come.
2007-03-24 02:25:06 · answer #5 · answered by jthessen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like his experience in Iraq changed his personality. He could be experiencing PTSD(post tramatic stress disorder). Get on with your life. If he needs help you can't give it to him.Cut him some slack. He's been through hell.
Also, next time you fall in love maintain your boundries and your independence. Then you won't be so devastated if it falls apart.
2007-03-24 02:31:22 · answer #6 · answered by sarah c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you make him jump through hoops to get what he wants. Also see it as payback for when you sag in the future. Oh and by the way make-up is also a form of lying. You're preteding to be something you are not as well, either physically, emotuionally, etc
2007-03-24 02:22:10 · answer #7 · answered by me 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sorry to hear this, but please don't think all men are dogs, i wouldn't treat a girl like that making her believe everything she wants to believe and then crush her hearth, I'm not perfect but i try my best to love a girl with all my hearth, she might be the one, and even if she is not i have a sister and i wouldn't want anyone treating my sister the way i would treat a girl if i was like that.
luckily woman are the best thing in the world
2007-03-24 02:25:29 · answer #8 · answered by Da 1 N only 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they have a change of heart or maybe they are just jerks!In your case it is hard to tell.I sorry about your misfortune and I hope you find your prince charming
2007-03-24 02:25:28 · answer #9 · answered by babymamadramadeleima 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THERE WAS ALOT THAT HAPPENED OVER IN IRAQ.MAYBE HE HAS BEEN THROUGH ALOT MORE THAN YOU OR I CAN IMAGINE,SEEING PEOPLE GETTING BLOWN AWAY,"CHILDREN",ALWAYS ON GUARD FOR YOUR LIFE,SO THERE HAS BEEN ALOT OF THINGS THAT HAS TAKEN PLACE.GIVE THIS SOME TIME.
2007-03-24 02:26:45 · answer #10 · answered by roll tide 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋