Why Do Men go out of there way to convince you he is prince charming, to then disapoint you that he lied?

Question

when i met my man, i was very specific about not wanting a commitment, being i was recently divorced with 4 kids. He stressed he wasn't looking to commit either, he was recently divorced too. we clicked from the start, he would drive 62 miles just to see me. we took it slow by the second month i became his girlfriend, he did everything to reassure me his intentions where good and long term.by the fifth month i was in love like i never been. he moves me out of my apt. and we moved in to a new one. we lived together for a month then he deployed to iraq, the second month he was in iraq he proposed, asked me to do a tubal reversal, i was skeptical but i accepted, He would send me engagement ring pic. online and swore that he would re-propose face to face as soon he came home, Even went as far as set a wedding date, he always reassured me he couldn't. wait to marry me, i waited 7 months, when he came home in feb. he was different, cold non -affectionate,non-chalont,called off the wedding,

Answer 1

Sounds like he's very confused and doesn't know what he wants. I've known a handful of men like this, who go back and forth on their feelings, including one who swore he loved me, then said so many purposefully cruel things when he made an incorrect assumption about something I wrote him. I guess you never can tell.

Sorry you're going through this...I'm sending positive energy your way hoping you'll find someone who knows what they want and that you mesh with.

Answer 2

It was the war, sweetheart.

I know it sounds like a lame excuse, but trust me, I was in war during Somalia and my ex husband was in Iraq. there are things that we see that can't be described nor forgotten from our minds. People become cold and callused as a way of insuring survival. Afterall, it's not very productive to be moping around and crying for your lost friends all the time when you need to be alert and focused just to be able to survive.

It can take awhile, but most people get over the "shell shock" if you will, but there are some that never do recover entirely. Give him some time to find himself again, but let him know you are there for him (without trying to push him into talking).If things don't start to turn around in a month or two, suggest counselling. He might have post traumatic stress disorder. If that doesn't work, you will have to make the decision wheter or not you love the man he became or if it is time to move on.

I know it is extremely difficult. Like I said, I have been on both sides of the coin (the one who went away and the one left behind). It takes a very strong individual to be a part of a military family. If you would like someone to talk to my email is [e-mail].

Answer 3

The war changes people. They see things you can never imagine! They do things that would horrify you! It changes people like nothing else ever can! The war has ruined many people and their lives when they got back! Some people just can't deal with everything they did, saw, heard, etc. the only way they know to deal is to change everything and start over!
You can suggest counseling for the two of you, if you think you can convince him to go! You just have to be understanding to him! You can't imagine what he has been through, and if it still doesn't work out, then maybe it's for the best!

Answer 4

CONCENTRATE ON YOUR KIDS. They've been through enough with your divorce. Put yourself in their little shoes which will be grown and out the door faster than you know. Then you'll have plenty of time to concentrate on YOU. It takes years to really know a man. Do you realize the jeopardy you could be putting you and your children in? I know raising children alone is very difficult (I'm doing it too) but a step parent often makes a bad situation worse-unless they follow the bible. And if they did they wouldn't be having premarital sex. A good therapist might help you as you have so much on your shoulders. I'm sorry about your divorce. I don't know the circumstances... but it's a shame. Your kids need both parents.