almost 20 and really want a baby.?

Question

I am 19 years old and soon to be 20 in a couple of months. I am engaged to a wonderful man and he is just too perfect. Both of us really want to have a family of our own. We both are in college but there are still ways of going to school and raising a baby expecially since his parents are really supportive of us. My family on the other hand is not so supportive. They think I am too immature. I have done alot of growing up over the years. I work 2 jobs and goto school full time. I will be making around $800 or more a month right now while in school. and he makes around the same if not more. He can get a full time job in the summer and make even more which will help us. We plan on getting our own place soon and everything. We both really want this but I am scared about my family rejecting me. I was pregnant before but was influenced by mu family to abort. I have regretted it ever since. I feel we are both able to handle the responsibility after we figure out our finantial information.

I did not mean right away. I am getting a place of my own soon and $800 or more a month from just me is quite alot for only working part time. Plus my fiance makes around the same working part time. I guess I should have elaborated more on what exactly I meant. My fiance and I want a child but I did not mean right away. I know how much of a responsibility it is to raise a child. My fiance and I have discussed waiting untill we save up money and everything so I do not apreciate some of your rude comments about me being only 19 and congradulations on only getting pregnant once. If anything whoever made that remark is immature. I just wanted opinions on everything because I will be done with school maybe before i turn 21 so I just wanted to know what people thought about wanting to get pregnant after that. I am not ignorant to the fact that babies cost alot of money because I know. My fiances mother has a 1 year old and I know just how tough it can be.

Oh and if your wondering about my free time to go out. I am 19, never party, never been drunk, don't drink, or smoke. I do not really go out anywhere special. I mostly spend time with my fiance and his family, my family or sometimes go to a movie with my best friend. I wouldn't be missing much after I turn 21 or anything.

Answer 1

I'm sorry your family pressured you to abort, that must be so hard.

I'm a mother, and had my first at 19. I honestly don't recommend having children so young, it's definitely easier if you can plan and be more prepared for them. But, if you and your man are all in love and really wanting a baby, and you feel that strongly about it, whatever is meant to be will be. I hope your family can be supportive, but if not it's their loss. You should still live your life for yourself, any family members that really care will still be there for you.

Answer 2

Why rush into this? From what you are saying, you don't have financial stability - children are expensive - and you don't have your own place to live. So how is it, that you feel that the two of you are responsible enough to raise a baby and care for it properly?
I don't want to sound harsh, but why not wait a little bit? Finish school, get married, find a place to live, and get stable jobs that will be able to provide for all of you!
Who is going to take care of your baby while you are in school? Childcare costs alot of money! Who is going to pay the rent or a house note for you to live in, plus all of the monthly bills? You have to have electricity, water, tv, the bills are endless and that's before you even begin to think about a child also!
It just seems to me that it would be a much more responsible decision to wait a little longer so that things are a little more stable for a baby!
Maybe your parents aren't so much against you, as they are looking out for your best interests. They are probably not against your having a child in the future, just against you having one at this very moment. It is a proven fact that most people don't finish school after they get married and have children, at least not immediately. School is something that tends to get put off because of the need for more money, which means a full time job and no school! And if you are going to school full time and working to pay bills, then you won't have time to spend with your child! you will always be busy and then when you are available, you will be too tired!
I hope this doesn't seem like a lecture or to be too harsh, I'm just giving an opinion from the outside looking in! And my opinion is to wait a while!

Answer 3

I had a baby when I was 18, and it was the hardest thing i ever did, what ever you expect when it comes to caring for a baby times it by 20, you'll never expect how much it will take over your life, not in a bad way though you will be so busy with school and home work and getting up all night with a baby, and feeding, dressing, bathing, playing, soothing,shopping, and doctoring ect....the baby you relationship will struggle believe me I'm going to school full time and barley have enough time to work two days a week and spend alone time with my fiance... I love my son and he's so much fun but I totally agree with what my mom told be about having kids young" there great but you give up your youth and don't ever get it back". If you don't have your finantial life tight then don't throw a baby into it just yet child care alone for a new born is 400-500 dollars a month...Just think long and hard about it cause it will completely change your life in every aspect....Good luck :~)

Answer 4

Okay, well if you feel you are ready for a baby, then it doesn't matter what your family says. I am 21 and got pregnant at 20. My parents were mad at first, but I ignored the negativity. I am now 39 weeks and my family couldn't be more excited to meet the baby. My father was very disappointed that I wouldn't abort, but I told him that it was my baby not his and I wouldn't ask him to raise the baby or help out financially because it is my responsibility. And now that the baby is almost here, he is so happy that I didn't "get rid of it". It is your own family that you are going to start and if your parents cannot handle that, then that is something that they are going to have to get over.

Believe me, when you do finally get pregnant and start to get bigger and get the ultrasounds, they will come around. If my family did, I'm sure yours will too. No worries sweetie. Babies bring out the best in everyone! Good Luck to you and your fiance'.

Answer 5

Having a child is a big responsability. Don't have a baby just to replace the one that you lost. It is really hard to raise a child. I am 25 have a baby that is almost 3 years old and between taking care of him, going to school, and keeping up with the housework and my husband it is pretty tough. Some times we think that we are prepared to have children but you know what in my experience we are never really prepared to raise our own. Think it over I will suggest waiting until you finish college. Financially having a baby is really expensive. I think that you should think about it carefully before getting pregnat because eventhough its a joy having a baby you will probably regret it and think that it would of been better if you waited. Good luck!!

Answer 6

If you feel your both ready and you think you can handle going to school and 2 jobs and raise a baby for a long time it's a big decision and big responsibility if you decide to get pregnant it's a life time commitment and you can't turn back the clock so make sure that's what you want and make sure your ready for a baby it's one thing to say you want one but having one baby is a real life he will depend on you till he's grown when your both working and going to school who's going to watch the baby his mother you will need help I went through it so it can be done good luck

Answer 7

Ultimately it is yours and your fiancee's decision about having a family. Think long and hard about it, as you said you both are still at school. Maybe wait till school is finished. You will only get one pay when you are off with the baby. Child Care can cost alot of money too. I personally, at your age, would never consider having children, it is your decision. Also know that having family support will be better for you in the long run. They can help out whilst you finish your schooling. Good Luck with you decision.

Answer 8

I wouldn't recommend it at your age. Wait at least three or four years. or until you are settle, have a stable job and are making good money, both. Cause having a baby doesn't come easy and there is a whole lot of responsibility. And with both going to school and working its not a good idea, cause u wont have time for the kid. But if you think you are ready go for it, but it will be hard like you don't expect it. So i would say wait.

Answer 9

Don't take this the wrong way.... but it sounds like you are trying to justify your decision of having an abortion with having another baby. It sounds like you have a pretty busy schedual with school and work, and are still really young. Where will the baby be when you are at school and work? Most kids these days are in daycares. Would you be ok with that?

I feel like I connect with you because I am also 19 (but already married), working, and going to school. I want a baby too, but have had to tell myself that we are not ready yet. I need to be able to take care of that baby, and want to be able to stay at home with it.

I know it is hard to wait. Trust me.... I feel your desire to have a little one. But I encourage you to wait until you are absolutely ready. I also know that a womans body carries a baby better after the age of 20. Hope this helps.

Answer 10

You are not even 20. Children are great, but don't you want to have a time in your life where you are free and only obligated to yourself? Going to school, working, and supporting a baby would be a 24/7 job and you'd have alot of hard times. Just enjoy yourself while you are young. Travel, play, build your career, then settle down.