i have a friend who needs help?

Question

ok, so i have this friend that i have known since 7th grade. he is a really great guy and i know he has alot of potential, but the problem is he started hanging around with some "bad influences" a year or two ago and he started smoking pot and doing other drugs and is now very overweight (like 300 lbs). he got kicked out of his house, his dad is barely there and his stepmom just can't handle him. hes into skinhead stuff and says all this racial stuff even tho i know he doesnt mean any of it. what can i do to help him out? i dont want to shove a bunch of "Say no to drugs or die!" stuff down his throat beause im afraid he'll stop talking to me and i wont be able to help him at all. turning to an adult is not a resonable answer in this situation. if i have to i will use it as a last resort. but is there anyway i can help him without getting him in trouble or having him hate me?

jaa: DO NOT ADVERTISE YOUR **** ON MY QUESTION! THIS IS A SERIUOS QUESTION!
thanks

Answer 1

My heart goes out to you. I think you hit the nail on the head in that last question... people who are into drugs (and no telling what else) purely don't want to hear that they are doing things that are bad for them (even though they know it).

You just might be able to do one thing... but... you'll have to pick your time to mention it to him. Sometimes, people in his situation decide that they need to stop doing drugs and get their lives together. If he comes to you when he's thinking along these lines, maybe you could go to a 12-step program with him, as his friend, and lend moral support.

In the mean time, you could check with a school counsellor or other counsellor to see what's out there, for when he needs it.

The hardest thing there is to be is a friend who is waiting for a person to hit bottom and look up for help. Keep yourself clean and hang on, because he'll need somebody in the worst way when it happens.

I think maybe his parents just didn't know what to do in order to make this situation go away. They want their boy back, but don't know how to make it happen. You might try talking to them, seeing as how they already know what's going on, or at least have some idea. Maybe you can help them, while you're waiting on your friend to come to his senses... and Lord knows, I hope he does.

You're a good friend. Please don't let him drag you down with him.

Answer 2

This is a very difficult question that I'm afraid has few answers. All you can really do is be a friend and hope he values your friendship enough to listen to you . On the other hand in order to do that you have to spend time with him which is not good for you. His choices may even put you in danger. I know you don't want to involve an adult and I can understand why but maybe you can talk to someone on your own ... without him knowing. Please be careful about the situations you put yourself in ..... I know you care about your friend but it sounds like he is a very troubled guy and needs experienced help to get him back on track.Maybe try talking with a counsellor at a drug rehab place.They can give you some input as to his frame of mind and most probably some very good advice. Take care : )

Answer 3

GoodSpeed has the best answer here, yes I gave him a good rating. You can't help someone who doesn't want it. What you can do is be there when he falls, because honey, he's going to fall. When he does all his "friends" will slink away and he'll see you for what you have always been a friend with his best intrests at heart. Just set a good example by you "saying no". You can only own and atone for your own mistakes and be ready to help a true friend when they finally hit rock bottom. It's usually then that they figure it out. I quit drinking the week I met my husband, I didn't nag, nor argue about it, I just kept sober...6 years (yes I know that's a long time but he's a Texan and they are a stubborn breed) he up and quit one day, he's been sober for 21 years now. Like GoodSpeed said it's up to them. They won't stop until they want to.

Answer 4

He sounds like a real handful of problems and not many reliable adults to help him sort it out. You will not be able to assist him unless he wants to get out of this lifestyle. He may have such poor self esteem and lack of support that this gang stuff is really appealing to him. He may see it as necessary to survive. If he is 18 and under you can contact the youth services department of your state and county and explain that he is living out on his own, has a drug problem, and into a gang. If you feel that he is learning disabled or depressed you can call the department of mental health to assist him. He may need this kind of intervention to have a chance at life and see his potential. You are so kind not to give up on him. Be sure that he does not become an obsession or project or main relationship for you. He is in danger and you don't want to go down with him if he chooses not to get help. Best of luck to you!!

Answer 5

He might get a needed ego boost, unloading what REALLY has him angry (the racism). Try to encourage him to speak from his heart. Get across that you are glad to hear what he has to say. My guess is he may feel invisible at home (skin head. Yeah. This awtta do it!). If it is within your power, get him to hang with you and any mutual (or even your friends). There is little hope for change if he remains with the wrong crowd (birds of a feather, right?). If your'e religeous, coax him to go to church with you or one of their activities. Welcoming, wholesome friends to replace the bad ones would be like taking in nourishing food after a life of snacking junk. A warm glow may grow inside-and possibly flame. God bless your caring heart, Punkie.

Answer 6

hi, you are such a good friend...have you tried telling to him..try when you talk to him to remind him with your friendship, with how he was there for you, how nice and great he was.....try to make him get in touch with him self again
keep telling him that you are always there for him, try to make him talk to you about why he did it from the first place, why smoking, why drugs.......you just keep trying, he will listen to you eventually.....he needs you to keep being strong
if it doesn't work try to take him into a rehave house or at least make him be there to watch the others talk about how they want to be straight again...about the weight thing, he can see a doctor or you can help him in a diet but be aware that depression is the major reason of getting fat or doing drugs so try to find out what's wrong first then try to fix that wrong with him
always make him feel strong, and always encourage him
Good Luck

Answer 7

Unfortunately you can't do anything for him until he wants to do something for himself, its tough having few positive options in ones life, and I am sure he feels he is doing what he can to survive a rough up bringing...I came from a tough neighborhood myself but had family that cared and kept me on the straight and narrow. You can be there for him when he needs its most...unfortunately it will get worse before it gets better...don't let it drag you into it because you just may be one of the few positive friends that will be around later...good luck.

Answer 8

I have seen many of situations like this one and the only true way to deal with it is to confront it and he has to want to change. If you say "I do not like seeing what you are doing to yourself and I will not watch you go down that path, I will have to avoid being around you as long as you are self destructing" and then you walk away it will at least start him thinking about change. If he cares about you he will think hard about where he is headed.

Answer 9

He's not stupid and knows what he's doing is wrong. I think that you pointing it out will only show that you care and I don't think he'll think less of you for it. Start with how great you think he is and that you don't want to see him hurting himself this way. I hope this helps

Answer 10

You can't make him stop...he is going to have to hit rock bottom before he truly sees what he has done and is still doing to himself. But what you can do is let him know how much you miss him...the old him.