Schizoid or not I have other issues? What should I do.?

Question

My quest online lately has been to find out information about myself on schizoids in general as I have indirectly related problems due to it. I found out my wife is a cutter. I have a REALLY hard time comforting her because in my mind if its bad for you dont do it. Kinda simple. But people that perform self injury from what I gather do it as a way of release, like a big stupid jock punching a hole in the wall :) But anyway, she has been doing it since she was a kid and I try to comfort her but I really come off insincere.....partly because I am, I can say whatever I want, she know s how I think. So....I sent her to a therapist/psychologist. She went for a month or two got meds seemed to be feeling and doing better. Then the asshole stopped returning her calls....I hate greedy people, he didnt like her or she wasnt needy enough but he cut her off and now she does not have meds again. She asks me for comfort and such....which on my end is really hard to do...IDEAS??

Well its not that really, its more that I have no affect, I dont respond because I have no sympathy. Thats why the therapist was a good idea I think. She gets really upset because I dont sympathize with her enough, which is warrented because I dont at all....

Maybe I should give a summary of my thoughts on it...I try not to think like this but it happens anyway. I see everything in the world in logical order, with her situation its like, ok you are cutting your self....why? (i recieve a response) My thoughts...thats really dumb. Why would you HURT yourself to make yourself feel better? ..I am probably the most patient person in the world if there is a good reason for the situation. But if you are causing the problem yourself, its your fault to some extent, because you arent pursuing help or working on it. When I am mad or whatever I dont do anything, I just think to myself well nothing I can do about this might as well calm down because it wont help anything other wise anyway. So I calm down and put it out of my mind. Its kind of callus that I do realize but its hard to make your brain work different. Thus I am asking for some advice on here and looking for a new therapist.

Jonmcn49 you have hit it right on the head. And sadly for her at the rate of irritation she causes herself getting mad at me for not responding I think that ultimately she will end up divorcing me. At this point with her acting like this all the time I consider it on my own simply to minimize the amount of irritation it causes. I have few things that make me happy or that I even enjoy in life, my kids are about the extent of that and if not for them I think I would have chased my wife off long ago...... please dont flip out on me everyone :) just being honest, I love my wife but its kind of like her cutting herself, I think if it hurts dont do it.....if you are simply driving up the walls and causing my kids emotional damage....could be time to amputate....

Answer 1

As a schizoid myself I really can not tell you too much that you do not already know. I was married twice and can barley remember what my wives looked like. It is never hard on us, as indifference is not taxing, but those that we tend to " love ", return such love with an intensity we never can intimate. I do not know about you, as this thing we are varies, but my affect is very shallow. I would have no empathy for some one cutting themselves and my response would be purely intellectual, with just enough emotion to initiate action. I do not think my action, would be yours, or would you want it to be.

PS The ignorance and presumption of the first answer is all to common to me.

PSS What do you want, affect? A marriage with a person who is of such obvious affect is going to be one hard row to hoe. They always need/want what you do not have to give. Your societal indifference does not lend itself to faking, as that is the provence of psychopaths. She is going to have to change for the better, as you are what you are forever. Good luck. I give what love I have to give to my dog.

Answer 2

You should understand that you may have your set feelings on what people should or should not do, but everyone else out there does not view the same set of rules that you do. Your wife is in a position where she has sever problems, and you should try to change your habits in effort to better understand her and help her with her issues. Obviously you care enough about her to marry her and even post this question online in an attempt to help her. Perhaps you should speak with someone who can help you to better understand the way other people's emotional feelings work.You are probably the most important person to your wife in the world, and maybe you owe it to her to really try and figure out what makes people tick in different ways in order to empathize with her situation. An important question to ask is why your wife takes these actions? The answers to this question will help you to identify the problem and treat it, and even give you more sympathy towards her actions. The more you view the world in your wife's perspective, the better chance you have of understanding her and helping her. The internet can help you generate knowledge of subjects, but people can help you to feel other's pain. Talk with somebody and try to get into your wife's mind. Then comfort her in any way that she asks you. Like I said before, she is extremely vunerable, and you are the best source of help that she has. And you should most definately take her to a second doctor and get her back on her medication. Hope this helps.

***You know, in a way it is a good thing that your mind does work in that way. It helps you to realize that there is a clear difference beween right and wrong and it allows for you to not do anything unreasonable. But most other people do not feel the same way. They feel that by doing extreme actions, they may receive the attention that they desperately need. I am not saying that this is your wife, but Im sure that there is a strong motovation for her to do things. I am not an expert on the social sciences and cannot feel what you are feeling, so i do not want to tell you that you have to do this or that. I guess that I just feel strongly in the fact that you should try by all means to be understanding of her situation. Not all of us are blessed with a mind that tells us not to do something because it is wrong.

Answer 3

Could you have Asperger's syndrome?
You might want to look it up online, especially the chat room with the wives of Asperger husbands.

Did you grow up in a home where you had a mentally ill mother (borderline personality disorder)? And in addition had few/no friends? And didn't get to think for yourself when you were young. I think that combination can produce a schizoid personality in a passive and therefore susceptible male. the daughters who are also susceptible can marry and grow out of it (that happened to me).

It must be rough to be married to such an emotional woman. Sounds like she is histrionic at minimum, and perhaps borderline herself. I would flee such a person, but since you have kids, you don't have that option. I suppose you were attracted to her because she was so very emotional, and she saw you as this stable and sane thinker type, sort of a rock, and now you both look at each other and think, how could I have been attracted?
Guess I can't be much help but just can sympathize.

Answer 4

The book Feeling Good by Burns. Has cognitive ways to fight negative thought which trigger impulsive self destructive behaviors.

Answer 5

so are you saying you cant deal with her issues because you yourself are schizoid? well i think its great you try to help mabye u can explain it to her that you have mental probvlmes of your own and her cutting issues are triggering more mental problmes within your own mind, and it would be great if she would go and take a 2nd try with some kind of doctor or somethign to get help and that you love her and that urging her to go get help is really the best that you can do. dont endanger your own mental health further for some1 else's .