My old girfriend, I found out recently died. We went to different colleges after highschool, and I never said goodbye to her before I left, we end up breaking up over the phone. I have always continued to care for her deeply though she was one of the best friends I ever had. I was recently informed that she died two months ago. Since then I have been troubled by the sense that I never got to say good bye to her. How do I get over this feeling. I am married now and love my wife very much but I feel hamstrung by deep feeling of regret for not saying goodbye when I had the opportunity to.
2007-03-23 18:31:47 · 18 answers · asked by BossHogg R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
What is stopping you still doing it. Go to some place special and talk to her, say the things you want to say and say your goodbyes. Time lessens the burden of grief.
2007-03-23 18:41:35 · answer #1 · answered by ratth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Death is hard and truth be told you will never forget that girl because you deeply cared a lot for her. I'm sure that somewhere she is happy for you and she knows that u miss her, but in order to have peace within yourself you have to learn to first forgive yourself. It's not your fault that u were'nt able to say goodbye, once you are able to admit that to yourself you will feel at peace. Also it's bad to hold on to a person that much cause' I believe you don't let them rest. Trust me my grandma died recently and it's almost going to be a year I haven't forgotten her but I know she's in a better place than I am. Trust me she died & I didn't have the proper way to say sorry or goodbye the way I wanted to. She was 1/2 hour disconneted before she died. It hurts but I learned to forgive myself and her for any conflicts we had and since then I feel more paeceful. Death is hard but it doesn't have to be when u realize that things happen for a reason. Find peace within yourself and you'll see things will get better. Don't even for a second feel that because u miss this girl that it doesn't mean you don't love ur wife, there's different types of love so don't confuse that.
2007-03-24 01:41:21 · answer #2 · answered by grissy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this might sound really crazy to you, but take some quiet time, and write her a letter -- Tell her how you feel about her, and how sorry you are that you never got to say good-bye the way you wished you would have -- then take the letter, and go to where her grave is, and read it to her. Believe me, it will take a giant load off your conscience and make you feel good about yourself again. If you can't get to where her grave is, then choose a quiet place somewhere, like maybe some place you and her spent time together. After you read the letter, you can just light it and burn it right where you are, or maybe bury it somewhere close to where you read it to her. I know it sounds like a crazy thing to do, but believe me, it does work, because I have done it myself!!
If you have a really close relationship with your wife, talk to her about it and explain to her how much you love her, but how you need to resolve these feelings of guilt you have about this ex-girlfriend -- you might be surprised to find out how supportive she could be for you in this, and I know she will love you even more because you cared enough about that ex to have guilt feelings over the way you ended the relationship.
2007-03-24 01:43:41 · answer #3 · answered by Pearl's oldest daughter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't ever think you get over something like this. It will just be one of the big regrets in your life but you can learn from it by trying not to take the other relationships in your life for granted. And by doing this, you are, in a sense, honoring the relationship you had with her. By that I mean, knowing this girl has caused you to change your attitude about how to treat people and I think she would be pleased that her life and death made that sort of impact on your life.
2007-03-24 01:50:00 · answer #4 · answered by stevieray 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is very hard to get over someone, i know. i have been in the same situation with family, and it takes a long time to heal from that pain, but u have to realize that she is in a better place, and that she knows u meant to say goodbye. i would say that u should just try to move on, and if u need help u can always to talk to a therapist that deals with loss. they can help u. good luck with this!!
2007-03-24 01:36:34 · answer #5 · answered by blondie62193 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cherish her memory, Accept the things you cannot change. You broke with her on the phone and it would not have been a pleasant chat so you never had the chance to say goodbye. Treat yourself with a liberal dose of self forgiveness. Peter betrayed Jesus three times but forgave himself. Judas betrayed Jesus once but did not forgive himself and committed suicide. Get on with your present life. And that is with your wife as your ex-girlfriend would expect of you.
2007-03-24 01:43:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things happen in this world that you just can't weigh on your own shoulders. This question is very difficult to answer because of religous beliefs. If you believe in God, then just know that she understands that you haven't said goodbye. People die, a real nice way to get over it is just forget. Yeah, I know, easier said then done, but nothing in life like this is easy...........Think of your life right now and think of how it is great to just even have known that girl. That is the real "Goodbye" in life.
2007-03-24 01:39:44 · answer #7 · answered by Smokey The Bandit 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is NOTHING you can do about it now. You broke up over the phone, that was basically saying "Goodbye". Just have fond memories of her and let it go. You still have your life and your wife. If you two were best friends you would have stayed in touch. Let it go. There is again nothing you can do about it now.
2007-03-24 01:35:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you never get over it, and I'm not sure you should.
the best advice i can give is to always remember to celebrate the life she lived while she was here rather than mourn the life she left behind.
forgive yourself for not saying goodbye and really convince yourself that we can only be accountable for the things we can control. this was not one of those things mate...
good luck to you.
2007-03-24 01:51:10 · answer #9 · answered by nixboy301 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out where's she's buried and make your peace at the grave site. Visit every weekend if you have to until the pain eases...that's what I've done for my firstborn stillborn daughter. I still sometimes call her image up in dreams and pretend to spend time with her there and make amends for what could've been in dreamtime, but that's a different story. Do what works for you.
2007-03-24 01:37:52 · answer #10 · answered by nancydeanna 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋