We were blessed with one child--so now he's married, he and his wife have a house, take a yearly anniversary trip, etc., apparently a grandchild is out of the question-they love their lifestyle, being able to take off whenever they want. I really do respect all that - I understand - but doggone I want a grandbaby!!! Babysitting the dog just isn't working anymore (how many dog toys can you buy to leave at "Grammas"). So would someone please explain this to me---young, well to do, own your home----no kids. (My gramma hormones are running rampant and my neices and nephews find it hysterical--tho they are reaping the benefits!!!)
2007-03-23 18:21:55 · 19 answers · asked by fallingstar 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks to all--just to clear a few things - we've never, ever, ever said anything about wanting to be grandparents-we respect our son and daughter in-laws decisions. We were blessed with one child and were not able to have anymore (cancer does that to a person) and I am called by every child in our neighborhood "Aunt"--and I am way beyond adopting---at 53 I don't see hubby and I bringing small children here full time!!! Ok I could but I don't see him doing it! LOL!!!
2007-03-23 19:14:43 · update #1
OKAY so I'm going to buy lots of puppy treats, keep my big mouth shut, and my great niece (who is now jumping with joy) will remain to be the recipient of grandparent-type goodies. She knows she the little breath of young fresh air that comes here!!
2007-03-23 19:51:48 · update #2
Just tell them that you want to have a grandchild and you will be willing to take care of him 24/7. Tell them that you will change the diapers, put up to the baby's fits and do all the things a parent will do...(give them a break, they have only been married for a year. They need this time to move their careers ahead and get to know each other much more. They need this time for another 2 more years, so don't push it!). Good luck!
2007-03-23 18:27:41 · answer #1 · answered by Rose 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm not being crazy or sarcastic. So please hear me out. Adopt a child. You obviously have love to give, and you would like to have a child around. Your son and his wife simply don't see that as a priority. There are SO many wonderful children out there who need good homes. You obviously raised your son well, he seems to be doing things in the right order, having a wife (before kids) a home and enough money to enjoy some of life. You and your husband can use that experiance to enrich yet another child's life. 13 yrs ago my parents adopted a sibling group of 5 children (5 and under) and if you ask them today, they would do it all over again. At the time their 3 biological kids (myself included) were age 15 to 24. Now I don't suggest taking on such a large group of kids. But they enrich your life in so many ways, these kids have given so much to my parents, that the blessing really runs in both directions.
Good Luck
2007-03-23 18:36:39 · answer #2 · answered by picture . . . perfect 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is funny that you bring this question up because I am hit with the same type of question from my mom - both of her kids are grown up and out of the house in our mid and late twenties. I'm with my better half and we don't really want kids (even though I suspect he does). My brother - well, we don't know about him yet because he just attracts some crazy women...
I know it can be a hard thing to accept, especially when you're the only one without grandkids. My mom is the same way - of her nine siblings, she is the only one without grandkids. Nothing replaces a human being, however, that doesn't mean that you can't have your pets and enjoy the company of other people's children. Volunteering at a local school or library is a great way to bring the energy you wish to share with children.
Although I always hear "you might change your mind," I think that most do not. If your son and his wife chose to have kids, then great. Conversely, if they do not, that's great too.
It is hard to explain why young people (or some people in general) don't want kids. I'm comfortable with my friends' kids; I enjoy having two cats; I want to continue with my prospects of earning a Ph.D, etc. Having children is something that sometimes just does not strike people as "the thing to do." In fact, it is kind of hard to explain why one does not want children - sometimes it can feel awful because people like me who do not want kids are ridiculed and called "weird" by other couples.
Although I'm not able to provide a thorough explanation, I hope this helps. Cheers!
2007-03-23 20:44:16 · answer #3 · answered by quacky_hijinks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say, you cannot make them become parents to satisfy your gramma itch. Actually be thankful that they know that they are not ready. So many young people become such lousy parents because they are not ready. Let them enjoy their lives right now and you enjoy your nieces and nephews and the dog until they choose to bless you with a grandchild. I hope that you are not harassing them about it because they will construe that as your trying to take over their lives and I am sure that you would not want that. Live and let live and count your blessings, be thankful for all of the good things that you have going on in your life, the rest will take care of itself when you least expect it. Hang in there gramma.
2007-03-23 18:36:23 · answer #4 · answered by myleshunt 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Be grateful that your son is happy and has a loving partner. If it happens, it happens - we were married for eight years before we were ready to even think about a child. My mother waited 36 years for a grandchild - and she says it was worth the wait.
In the meantime, how about finding another way to work with children? Volunteer at a women's shelter, a neonatal unit, or a church nursery.
I know a grandchild is the ultimate "bonus" to raising a child of your own - but remember, you made your own decisions, he gets to make his. After all, if you'd had more than one child, you might have increased your grandma odds!
2007-03-23 18:53:43 · answer #5 · answered by amivins 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I can understand you want to be grandparents badly and I know many people have answered your question but I wanted to touch on something that no one else did. Maybe they have been trying and they can't get pregnant. My husband and I fit your description perfectly. We are young, very happy, have a nice house, travel, ect. but we have also been trying to have a baby for 2 years and we are currently seeing a fertility doctor. I know you may think,"Why wouldn't they tell us?" But infertility is sometimes something you don't want anyone to know about, not even your parents. Especially parents that are constantly bugging you for a grandbaby. I don't want to sound mean, but we honestly tell everyone we are not trying because we don't need that added stress on top of all the stress and heartache we already have. Maybe this isn't their situation, but it could be a possibility.
2007-03-23 19:43:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's too funny. You sound like you would make a great Grandma some day to a very lucky grandbaby.
I think you just need to bide your time. Let them enjoy the freedom and lifestyle they have now because you know once that baby comes that everything changes.
I hope you get a grandbaby soon, but if not just be happy that your son is happy in his choice.
2007-03-23 18:35:20 · answer #7 · answered by michellecdnd 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have been married almost 7 years and we have no children. We have never wanted any. 2 years after marriage my husband got a vasectomy. His mother started hinting around the idea of children early on (prior to the surgery), and we told her in no uncertain terms to look towards her other children for grand children. She took the hint and has never mentioned it since. To our knowledge she doesn't know about the surgery, and if she does she has enough tact not to mention it.
Children will not bring our lives satisfaction nor fulfillment. We are happy just the two of us. (and 2 cats) We enjoy the quiet and the space. We love the the luxury of our lifestyle. Please do not think that just because we don't have children we are selfish. We donate our time and money to charity works and civic programs around our town.
They may never have children and you may have to find a way to cope with that fact. Or like others have said you are just being impatient and eventually they may have one or a dozen. Who knows?! But let them come to their choices without your interference.
2007-03-23 19:03:01 · answer #8 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have they said they are not going to have children or are they waiting? Give it some time but certainly do not put pressure on them. Also, if they choose not to have kids, don't make them feel bad. In the meantime adopt some of your great neices or nephews as grandchildren.
Good luck!
2007-03-23 18:27:19 · answer #9 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know you are just itching to have grand-kids to spoil rotten. Your son and his wife just haven't reached that point in their lives where they want to take on the responsibility. Better they not have kids than to have kids that they neglect so they can go on their latest European vacation. How about becoming a Foster Grandma? If you are aged 60 or older you can volunteer to help children that are victims of abuse and neglect, caring for infants, mentoring teenagers. You can do so much!!!
2007-03-23 18:43:58 · answer #10 · answered by kgee 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋