we have beeen together now for 16 years married for 7 years we have 5 beautiful kids we barely have a deceant conversation our sex life has really gone down to zero she tells me that she hates sex now if i dont initiate it it wont happen what do i do
2007-03-23 18:20:21 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Gloria (?) (odd guys name) sounds like you both have arrived at your collective comfort zones, however, they have caused a rut, two ruts! Unfortunately these ruts are in different directions. It's time to break the mold. If YOU are the guy (wink, wink) then consider this a mid-life crisis and use this as an excuse to break free of your rut. My advice is to spend a little money. Get two things. First, a life cycle. (exercise bike) Second, get a full set of Olympic weights with bench. You can guess what to do with them. This is only a diving board for newer things. I lost weight, got into shape and now am doing things like Jet skiing, biking, camping, hiking, wildlife photography, etc... Your spouse whether man or woman will either folow suit or at least become more interested in sex!
2007-03-23 18:42:21 · answer #1 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to her, but more importantly listen to what she has to say with an open heart. I would imagine that she is feeling unfulfilled in a way that makes her feel loved and special. Don't worry about the sex part, because sex is supposed to be an emotional experience and love physically displayed, so until you are both feeling loved and desired by the other it isn't going to happen and if does, it is gonna be that great.
Now you may think that you are doing everything that you can to make her feel loved, but remember her heart is different from yours. What makes you feel loved may not be what makes her loved, so you have to figure out what it is that touches her heart. Think about the years before you were married, was there something that you did for her or told her or a way you behaved that you don't do so often anymore??? Something has had to change for her to change so much. This doesn't make you a bad guy or your relationship bad, it's just somewhere along the way your hearts stopped talking to each other in a the same language. If you cant seem to think of something, or even if you can, I would also recommend reading a book called The 5 Languages of Love. It will help you get a better understanding of what i am trying to explain and more importantly a better understanding of what may be causing the problem between you guys and ways to fix things.
2007-03-23 18:46:59 · answer #2 · answered by Smurfy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would guess your in your mid to late thirties, right? The spark has gone out, right? She's a little young to be getting her med-life crisis so, that leaves the seven year itch, in this case the sixteen year itch. She's ripe for an affair if I'm guessing right.
A well noted columnist that recently passed on related this some time ago in one of her famous columns about her personal life.
She and her hubbie thought they were starting to get the same old same olds and were wondering what to do about it. Having the same ideas they went out and rented some adult videos for the day. They turned off all the phones one Saturday, told all their friends not to come over the house.
They had a nice personal breakfast and spent the day in bed and watching videos. She said it was the best time of her life and renewed something she knew she had but, was hiding it.
She started suggesting this to others, also going to a hotel. motel with a swimming pool, sauna and spending the night without the kids underfoot. Finding out what you've been missing through th years. It's just a thought.
2007-03-23 21:30:45 · answer #3 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go on a long vacation and leave the kids with a family member. Try finding what you guys had when you first got together. Try doing small things that would mean allot to her. Sometimes I think we get rapped up in jobs and taking care of our wonderful children so much that we forget about our spouses and there needs and dreams. I know that there are times I cannot talk because I know what the out come will be I don't like to be told I am nagging when all I am trying to do is let him know how i feel .Approach her in a gentle way .GOOD LUCK
2007-03-23 18:37:43 · answer #4 · answered by onix 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as long as she's not "communicating" with you through post it notes stuck on the bathroom mirror i think it will be okay.
2007-03-25 11:38:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe you wouldnt understand anyway?
2007-03-23 18:25:41 · answer #6 · answered by nodumgys 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋