just one of my many poems...?

Question

As I look out at a misty, foggy ocean…I wonder about what death feels like…Are souls released from this world, full of misery…to end their suffering? Is it a blessing of eternal rest? Or is it a misfortune? When I'm gone, and my soul is somewhere…drifting across the ebony skies…Will he even care if I'm gone? Would he be depressed? Or would he be emotionless? There is only one way to find out, for tonight is the night, that I will breathe my last breath…and as the blood from my wrist drips down…if he was right their, would he stop me from my suicide? Would he just let me die? Or would he save me, and say that one day, he will love me again? I'm going to miss this world, but I'll never miss all the misery, and regret that came with living…Goodbye,….I'll be with you in my eternal rest…

its not good, but im only 11...lol please give me your honest opinion...also, about the "...." i changed it...but i was lazy...so i just coppied my old one..lol

Answer 1

uh yea jus dont do any thing stupid there are alot of people out there and yea good vocab but try sumthing a little lighter and try to find some one to confide in and let them help you eith your problems

Answer 2

What about when you were playing in the park last summer with your friends, What about ice cream all over your face when you were little. What about learning to whistle, wink and blow bubblegum. Didn't you know all of these things, bubbles and Mr. Bubble (bubble bath) before this "poem" and before this person. What about all of the fun and friends that you will miss. That's a lot more than hoping that this one person will feel bad enough to miss you.

Suppose he's not at home that day. Suppose he has practice that day.
Suppose he's grounded that day. Then who's gonna save you from U?

Go to the mall, Hang out with your friends, & get the ice cream, it's much more fun. Tastier too. My fav is Chocolate.

SMILE AWHILE

Answer 3

This is a little too deep for someone your age. It makes me worried for your well being.

I worry that you are feeling depression. The issue with depression in young people is simply that they have not been alive very long. So they may think their bad feelings go on forever when they don't.

Think of it as a road that dips down sometimes but when you are at the bottom you think the road does not go up again.

Answer 4

It has good pain but it sounds more like a thought than a poem. Like maybe a deep character in a book that is having through ts out loud. Maybe you should try to write a short book.

Answer 5

I hope t god you really aren't 11. It's scary to think an 11y/o could have even the notion of loving someone enough to want to kill yourself after the breakup. God, that is awful. Go buy a dog. They give you unconditional love.... Notice everyone is more concerned about you than the poem. Trust me ont he dog thing...or a cat...whatever...something small and cuddly...

Answer 6

I think it's a very good poem that surely expresses your feelings. It's a bit depressing though, but I'm thinking that you probably wrote it when emotions ran high. But I think it's very good considering you're only 11.
I just hope that you're a tad more happy now.

Answer 7

...
Um don't kill your self.
It seems more like a suicide note then a poem, maby a poetic suicide note, for being 11 the vocabulary is impressive, but it is also chilling to think that an 11 y/o has thoughts of suicide.

Answer 8

i <3 to do poetry and writing

i think it is okay, but just check -- there are some spelling errors i see. and, is your poem in this font :

The sky
is very
Blue.

< lol thats real bad but it could be a poem it is an example,,
aren't you supposed to like give some space after each sentence?
Idk..

well overall, i think it's good :-)

Answer 9

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