In my daughter's best friend's family the Grandpa committed suicide Thursday, but this brings the subject up in our household also (kids talk). My mother is diagnosed with a terminal cancer and it won't be long until I have to address this directly with my daughter. She is 6 years old. Recommendations?
2007-03-23 17:53:09 · 15 answers · asked by stormraven552003 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Thank you so much to all answerers. I will consider all suggestions. My little girl is so smart that I am afraid that she will see through all my platitudes. I do believe that death is just a part of the circle of life. It doesn't make it hurt ant less though.
2007-03-23 18:18:06 · update #1
"Grandpa died. He got to live a long time, though."
2007-03-23 18:00:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm so sorry for YOU.
It makes no difference that millions die every day and their millions of family and friends, especially children, have to come to terms with that death.
I'm really OK at funerals 'till I see the kids cry. I cry and must leave.
But you are you and your daughter is your daughter and there are no comprehensive answers. This is probably THE most important time in your relationship with your daughter. I failed.
I loved my parents so much that I "lost the plot".
(Or I was so self indulgent that I did not do that which would have been better for us all.)
As with physical injury kids are remarkably resilient. Kids see death. They see dogs die. They see birds die. Every child has seen some creature die.
You allude to a problem that you, fortunately, don't seem to have. I guess that your daughter's friend has been told stuff like, "Your Grandpa is in Heaven." If you believe that say it about Grandma. If you don't, don't.
Eventually I regained my daughters' confidence with a bit of intestinal fortitude. "Grandma and Grandpa are dead. Do you know what that means . . ." and so on. Let your daughter call the shots, Let her ask. Give your opinion. Cry a little of course. I mean let her know that you hurt too. But be tough. Remind her of all the good times with Grandma. Tell her that her Grandma would want her to be happy and so on . . .
2007-03-29 18:16:20 · answer #2 · answered by salubrious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do to stop the hurt for her and I know you would take it yourself if you could.I think that at 6 kids have a good idea what death is.Especially if they have lost a pet.I would tell her the truth..of course stressing the fact that shes in heaven looking down.You don't say if your religious.If not I would stress that everything dies and everything has a spirit and her spirit will always be around.
2007-03-31 13:42:46 · answer #3 · answered by little3nikki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really a very touchy topic with children because they only understand so much about death. You need to find out how much your baby girl knows about death and dying. It's also important to consider your beliefs regarding God and afterlife. Then just explain to her that Grandma's body was old and wouldn't work anymore so when that happens or bodies die and our spirits go to heaven to be with God and everyone else that died before us. That's how we explain to our girls...of course everyone believes differently so you would explain to her in your own words. My five year old was sad when her grandma died but she was ok within a few days and now only mentions it every so often and always follows her comment about Maw-Maw Boo with BUT SHE'S IN HEAVEN NOW. It's also important to explain that not everyone who gets sick dies. Try to be as truthful as possible but without giving her too much information. Just answer the questions she ask and don't go into anyother details. Good Luck and I'm sorry your going through this.
2007-03-23 18:07:57 · answer #4 · answered by Brandi H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really does not matter what you tell the child; children absolutely do not understand death at all and in no form. So, you can tell her the religious versions of death or you can just stay so and so is gone and will not come back. You may think you have got the message through to her but you will not have succeeded.
My best friend died when I was a little older than your daughter and it did not actually hit me until years later. I was in denial and picturing her in the Christian Heaven because it was a fantasy and easier then telling me the truth.
Children have no concept of death.
2007-03-23 18:13:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Being open and honest is the best way to deal with the recent
passing of your daughter's family friend and her Grandmother
who will soon be passing also. Children are very bright and
knowing. Ask her to ask you any questions about death and try to answer without going into every detail. They will ask the
questions until they are satisified and they will usually understand and be able to cope better when the time comes.
2007-03-23 18:11:03 · answer #6 · answered by MESSENGER 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would explain to her that death is just another part of life. It is hard I know. But it does come down to your religious beliefs I think. Like me I'm a Christan so I would explain to my child that when some one dies there spirt go to live with god and leaves the body, behind because you can't take your body to heaven. and god gives you a new one when you get there.
2007-03-31 18:01:07 · answer #7 · answered by t_g_w_2004 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my father died very suddenly when I was only 5. I knew exactly what happened...didn't need anyone to tell me. I know it when I kissed his cold forehead while he was in "the box" as I called it.
just tell her that grandma is very sick, but be hopeful about it. tell her that she may not be with us for much longer, and if she asks more questions, tell her the truth. if you believe in heaven, tell her that death is just a transition. if you don't tell her that life is not forever. when she does die, take her to the funeral...it will be a maturing experience for her. death is a part of life...the earlier she understands that, the better her life will be.
2007-03-30 06:40:03 · answer #8 · answered by realisminlife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are story books available that touch on the subject delicately. Check with a book store or library. They are made specifically for children
2007-03-23 18:03:02 · answer #9 · answered by NightOwl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
their is no specific answer to this question.normally you say nanna or grandma is very sick and will soon be in heaven,with suicides you say the person was very sick and god has also taken her.death is a very personal thing,if your 6 year old cries,all the better,get rid of tensions.as i said their is nothing written, just have to play it by ear
2007-03-31 15:49:51 · answer #10 · answered by fatdadslim 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im my opinion u shuld not tell ur daughter directly... as gals are close to their grandparents.... time will teach her everything.. and u also dont loose hope and plz dont break as u have to take care of ur mother and ur sweet daughter... rest i think ur mature enough as I am still a college guy and not seen life what u might have seen.. god bless u take care... of ur mother and ur daughter and of urs also
2007-03-23 18:04:47 · answer #11 · answered by duke the Janus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋