Ok, My husband and I had a MAJOR fight and he said some things that I can't get over, for example he told me that I haven't loved him in the last 15 yrs.( we have been married for 14 and together for 22) So this really hurts me, if he really feels this way what are we doing? He also said that he can't tell me who he is...? What dose that mean? I have asked and wrote him... with no response. This is killing me, we go to couceling in a week but, it hard to act like everything is okay.... I am not OKAY...!!! I don't want to fight with him, I want to talk to him and get some response. I feel like I am dying inside screaming for help with no one to listen.
What do you think that I should do or say that wont cause a fight????
2007-03-23 17:28:40 · 8 answers · asked by ohdarnitsmeagain 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, since you're going to a counseling session in a week, I'd reccommend saving this discussion for then. That way you have your marriage counselor right there to referee should things get out of hand.
Another way to look at it is this: Have you ever said things you don't really mean when you're really angry? I know I have. Maybe your husband didn't mean what he said either. And a big part of a successful marriage is being able to forgive your husband/wife when he/she says something that hurts.
I wouldn't say anything to him about this until you get to the counseling session though. I think ANYTHING you say to him will cause a fight. He may be ignoring it because in his mind, it's a dead issue. Just hold off on this, I know it's hard, but don't bring it up. You'll wind up regretting it if you do.
2007-03-23 17:49:38 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my situation but in reverse. We've been married for 14.
We had a major blowout and nothing seems to make any sense.
He needs to go to the doctor and be tested for anxiety/depression disorder or even some therapy. Sounds like a mid life crisis coming on. I have been biting my tongue for a month now trying to be patient for her to finally talk about the things that were said during the fight. We talked some but the conversation just went in circles and nothing made sense.
I guess I'm not helping you except I can say I really know how you feel.
She has her sister and mother and there is noone I've been able to talk to about it.
All I can suggest is to be patient and take it day by day. You guys cannot dwell on the past or what was said in the major fight. You need to find ways to connect with eachother. Both of you have to accept where you are now and work towards a better future. Let the mean things he said go and just worry about connecting now. You will never get anywhere fighting about the past. Explore new interests together and you may be able to refresh your relationship.
Go to counseling, but remember that he will not work on things until he is ready. This is not something that you can force on him. It is so very hard, but you just have to be patient. Keep on the lookout for outside influences (drugs, affairs, etc...) but don't be paranoid about it - just smart.
I wish you the best luck.
2007-03-24 00:51:20 · answer #2 · answered by j_mang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's really hard, but save it for counselling. I know a week feels like forever. Try to just exist in this time. Don't hold back in counselling. Say what you are thinking. At least in counselling, you have someone else there to stop things been turned around.
You need to say exactly what you have just written in counselling.
Good luck.
2007-03-24 00:38:00 · answer #3 · answered by Ang H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You struck a cord in him that really got to him. Don't loose your man because it sounds like you really love him. Read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura. I think you can find some good information in there!
Hang in there! Your marriage is worth it!
2007-03-24 00:33:38 · answer #4 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him calmly . Guys have a way of interpreting things. So say something in a way that he can understand. Pretend you were one of his friends, how would you talk to him? Counseling will help the both of you get things out and have a referee to stop things if they get out of hands. Dont forget to compromise. Try to assure him your love by doing things you used to do before you were married. Guys marry us for who we were and the same with them, and people change. So try to bring back those feelings...
2007-03-24 00:36:27 · answer #5 · answered by Laurellamags 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do to convenes him that you love him that you haven't already done,This is his problem to work out not your.Somewhere along the line he put it in his head you did not love him .If you look at his parents you will see where it started.If there was no love shown in his home then how does he no what love really is or what it feels like.Just giving you something to think about.
2007-03-24 00:58:24 · answer #6 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband said pretty much the same thing....it was an excuse....he tried to convince himself that I didn't love him so it would justify his affiar. He also said he didn't know who he was and (probably the only thing he told the truth about) he didn't like the man he was.
2007-03-24 02:43:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit with him and talk to him about,
why he think that you don't love him? ask him, and tell him to be honest, and if he get
crazy, I think that hi is not interesting on safe that relation ship.
Anyways try your counseling it may help you. Good luck.
2007-03-24 01:13:05 · answer #8 · answered by ♥IndomลbleƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋