Does abortion affect only women?

Question

A long time ago, my uncle got a woman pregnant. He wanted the child and was more than willing to support the child.

She went ahead and aborted, against his wishes. My mother says that to this day my uncle (her brother) is a grieving father.

Answer 1

I think it affects the man just as much. I don't think it's right. If a guy wants the child, the women should have to have the baby then sign away her rights. Guys get to do that if the women wants to keep the baby, why does it have to be different?

Answer 2

I think you've answered your own question.

A child affects every life it touches. The child that would have been is no different; it had a mother, a father, grandparents, aunts & uncles, just like any other child. The only difference is the time was not right for this child; there will forever be an empty space where this life should have been. To not be affected, a person would have to be heartless.

The decision to abort is probably the most difficult a woman will ever have to make. There is a rather crude saying, "if she's old enough to bleed, she's old enough to breed" that explains biology but not psychology. Her body may survive the delivery but her mind may not be as fortunate. It is for this reason that the ultimate decision of whether or not to have the child must be that of the mother. Promises of physical, emotional and financial support by the father mean nothing because of the things he can never do. He can never carry the child inside himself. He can never feel the child growing and moving. At the end of nine months, he will never be the one to deliver the child and either keep it while knowing he isn't ready to be a father or give it away for the same reason.

Your uncle may grieve for his child but he needs to have some compassion too. The mother of his child made a decision that was right for her. I'm sure she considered her relationship with your uncle while making it. Although they may inhabit the same body, the man you know as your uncle is not the same man who met a woman, had a relationship with her and "got her pregnant". Your uncle may be great uncle material but not quite father material.

Answer 3

Well you answered your own question there, I think. I feel like if you aren't prepared to have a child with someone, or wouldn't want them to father/mother your child, then you have no business having sex with them in the first place, but that's just me.

So, I do think that it's something that should be discussed, and both parties should have a say. That said, I don't think that it's fair for a woman to have a baby just because the man wants it. It is a lot for a woman to go through physically and emotionally, and I'm sure it's not as easy as just giving it to the father to raise. She'd obviously be in it's life as well, her family would want to know the child, everyone around her would see her pregnant, and then be constantly asking where the child is, and I'm sure saying, oh I gave it to the father, because I didn't want it, wasn't something she wanted to deal with.

So, I think ultimately, it is the woman's decision, but I think both people should have a say, and do what's best for everyone. I know sometimes women don't even tell the father that they were ever pregnant in the first place, which I think is wrong and disgusting. I guess what it comes down to is that if you are going to be careless about protected sex and not be in a relationship where you've discussed the issue of pregnancy and made sure you're both on the same page, then you have to live with the consequences unfortunately.

Answer 4

It affects more than the mother, and it's too bad your Uncle and the girl couldn't come to some sort of agreement. At the same time, I don't think a woman should be forced to carry a baby to term against her wishes. Ideally, couples having sex are also dicusssing what happens if they do become pregnant and are using preventative measures if they're not interested in becomming parents at the time.

Answer 5

Of course it affects a man who wants the child but loses it to the selfishness of the biomom! That being said, if he had any desire to raise a family, he should have married this woman before having sex. Generally, before people marry, they talk about things like, "Do we want kids? How many?" However, people rarely discuss this before jumping in the backseat or 'coming in for coffee' or even shacking up! I imagine that much of your uncle's grief (whether he admits it or not) is the knowledge that had he conceived this child inside a marriage, this would probably have never been an issue. So there is likely a LOT of guilt as well as resentment. I feel sorry for him, & I hope he will eventually find some peace & forgiveness of himself & this woman.

Answer 6

Absolutely not....I have worked with dozens of men who expressed as much grief as if they had lost a baby. Even of those men and women who chose to have a abortion, more of the men regretted it down the road as did the women.

Has anyone stopped to consider that a "woman's right to chose" is not as much about "HER" choice as it is about money and control? Abortion is a multibillion dollar industry. Many would stand to lose a lot of money if women did not have abortions. The other issue is control. Imagine what NOW would do if men had the choice...they would scream bloody murder but as it is a woman can chose to have a baby even if she tricked a man into being a father with "Oh I can never get pregnant...I had a hysterectomy" and then making him pay for the next 18-22 years often even if the baby is not even his. One woman in New Mexico collected child support for 5 YEARS for a child that never even existed. She has never been charged with a crime for this even though at least a dozen felonies were committed. He has not seen a dime of the money he paid so he would not go to jail...even though of course...He never was allowed so see his child.

Answer 7

Of course not! An abortion takes away TWO people's child. Both parties are affected. I feel for your uncle, it sucks that it had to happen to him. I think in order to have an abortion, they should need consent from both parents. 9 months is a small price to pay for someone's life.

Answer 8

In general it effects the woman more. She can suffer deep grief and guilt for years afterwards. For men, it depends on the man, I think not too many are as deeply affected as women. Physically, of course, it is the woman who is affected.
We are leaving out the baby in all this, who, if you look at it from their point of view, is the one MOST affected!

Answer 9

I think that it effects everyone involved, ultimately a woman's fertility is her choice, and that can be unfortunate for men who wanted the child. This is why people should have discussions about the consequences before having unprotected sex that could lead to a pregnancy or STD

Answer 10

Yes - abortion not only affects the mother and father but obviously the baby is the one who really pays.