Should I feel guilty for not breastfeeding?

Question

My daughter is two weeks old and I want to stop breastfeeding and put her on formula, however, I feel EXTREMELY guilty. I have been breastfeeding since she was born, although, she had to stay in the hospital almost a week after delivery because of complications -- during that time, the nurses supplemented with formula when I wasn't there to breastfeed her. Due to that, my daughter actually prefers the bottle over the breast so, I have been pumping and bottle feeding since I brought her home. The thing is, she is constantly hungry and I just can't keep up with her! If I'm not feeding her, I pumping -- I feel tied to the couch all day. I have another daughter at home who just turned two and I'm in college full time which makes it difficult as well.

I stopped breastfeeding my first daughter when she was between 2-4 weeks old due to complications. I didn't feel guilty then so, why do I feel so horrible now??? Any advice???

To let those know that are asking... my daughter is fine now (knock on wood). She was hospitalized to treat jaundice, a hematoma (caused from them having to use forceps to get her out), and a high red count.

Answer 1

dont feel bad, i just had a baby 8 wks ago, i had to stay in the hospital a few extra days due to complications with me and the nurses took care of feeding for me, i tried my best to breastfeed, i did for two weeks and i was in the same place as you are now...my son liked to eat every 2 hrs. so i was pumping, feeding him, putting him down to sleep and by that time i only had maybe 30-45 mins to myself which i had to eat or shower or sleep and i just couldnt do it anymore, i felt bad about it too, but my mom told me that you have to take care of yourself to take care of your baby, and you have two, so you shouldnt feel bad, you should be proud that you realize that you need to make a change to do the best thing for your family!!! i give you props for taking care of two and still going to school, this is my first and i couldnt picture doing what you are now!!!!

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear about your ordeal it is not easy having a baby in the hospital right after having her. Some of the arias that went wrong and are causing some of your problems today are:
1) The nurses supplementing when you were not there.
2) The first thing she was introduced to was the bottle so that is what she knows. They call that nipple confusion.
3) If you weren't pumping when they were feeding your baby then your body won't know how much milk to make.
Other answers you got are also right about the breast being best but it sounds like your over working your self. If you want to continue with breast feeding you are going to need the help and guidance of your lactation consultant. you can find them at the hospital were you had the baby. They should help you get your supply up to baby's demand and help you get the little one to nurse better. If it doesn't work you can at least tell your self that you did all you could. You need to take care of your self so that you can take care of your little girls. Good luck with it. I hope you chose to breast feed but don't beat your self up if you have to stop and use formula. You couldn't control much of what happened to get you where you are.

Answer 3

Well, you know breast feeding is best for you and the baby. But you're right - it does tie you to the couch pretty much all day until they get a bit older. It's more difficult this time around also because of the supplemental feedings with the bottle. Would a sling help you? Maybe get a good-quality one from someone on the internet, (or craigslist.com) so your hands will be free to do things while she nurses. Having to hold a baby all the time IS a pain in the butt. I couldn't live w/o my sling!!! Formula feeding is not the end of the world either though, and you shouldn't feel guilty. However it can cause more health problems and general sicknesses, so the time saved by formula feeding might be lost again on sick-days. You will have to choose what is right for you!

Answer 4

You probably have not established a steady milk supply yet because she is only two weeks old. It usually takes four weeks for that to happen. As a breast fed baby she will need feedings anywhere from 11/2 - 3 hrs apart. That equates to a lot of time at the boob. But, I have done both formula and breastfeeding and I can tell you breastfeeding is best. Formula does NOT duplicate the nutrition you can supply your child with. Your daughter deserves this from you and you know it.. that's why the guilt. If you haven't seen a lactation consultant now is the time to. You can usually see one at the hospital you delivered.. they can give you a nipple shield to wean her from the bottle to the breastshield and eventually from the shield to the nipple. It will take time and effort but, in a few weeks time it will pass and you will find such gratification from your choice.
You can justify formula if you want but here goes my deal.. I work full-time in the military, have time away from my daughter exceeding weeks and I still breastfeed. Not that I am gifted.. just dedicated. So, you too can do this just find a good support system and you will be rewarded.. especially in teh middle of the night when she awakens and all you have to do is put her to the breast to feed her, no bottles, no warming up formula nothing.. just you and her. Nothing is easier, and I have tried both.
Good luck and if you need help please contact someone for help and if you need email me.. I can always give encouragement. It's not easy at first, but, it gets better!!

Answer 5

Hi there i had the same problem two weeks ago. I breastfed for 4 months and my baby was a good feeder on the boob or bottle.I gradually weened her by introducing a bottle at night ,then alternating bottle and boob.this took a month and the only reason i took that long was because of guilt.I felt bad for putting her on formula simply because i had to feed every hour with the boob 24 hrs a day and introducing formula helped.I felt as though i was depriving my baby of the best.I have since come to realize that by me feeding that regularly and getting no sleep i was not giving my baby the best anyway!! I cried on the day she had formula all day,but since then we are a much better team! You do what you feel is best ,if you are struggling all the time then so is your baby.The end result for me far outweighed the guilt i suffered. Being a mum is a massive guilt trip so just look after you and your baby!!!! Good luck

Answer 6

You feel guilty because you know now how much better breastmilk is for your baby. You need to contact a lactation consultant. If you don't wnt to do that, then listen if you want to keep breastfeeding.

You need to help your daughter relearn her latch on. When she's just beginning to get hungry, offer your breast. This way she won't get frustrated so easily. Those nurses were so stupid for giving your baby a bottle, they could have used a syringe. Anyways, babies will sometiems prefer the bottle because it is easier to get their food out of it. Breastfeed her every 2 hours or on demand. This will help keep up your supply.
If you're engorged, put warm towels on your breasts and massage them to start let-down. This will also make it easier for your baby to latch on and get milk right away.

Stop giving the bottle. Use a syringe instead. After she forgets abotu the bottle, it will become easier.

Remember, they only eat constantly for about a month. (sometimes not even that long). Just hang in there!! You won't regret breastfeeding, but you may regret formula feeding.

Join our group, on Yahoo! Milkdrunk
We're breastfeeding mommies who have been through it all, and there are some great women on there who are willing to help.

Answer 7

You would be tied to her even if you were bottlefeeding. They need to eat so frequently. You might feel guilty because she had complications so it is even more important that she get the very best nutrition possible. I understand it's difficult, especially with the pumping, but it's worth it. It's too bad that she prefers the bottle because it is such a wonderful closeness to nurse your baby. That would help if you could enjoy some aspect of it.

I had milk supply issues with my first baby and could barely get any milk pumping 3 times a day. Now I am taking the mini-progesterone only pill and the doctor said it might increase my milk supply. Well I don't know if that's what it is but I only have to pump once a day and I get more than enough milk for one day at daycare. Think about the money you will save, too. We have saved hundreds. Breastfeed as long as you can. It's the healthiest thing for the both of you.

Answer 8

You have to make the choice that works best for your child and your life. Some folks here like to act like they're better than others with their pious attitude toward breastfeeding... Most of us who've been around the block a few times agree that it's your choice... so do what works for you. Formula may not be everything breast milk is, but she's gotten your cholostrom and that's a great start... and formula fed babies grow up to be perfetly healthy and intelligent human beings, too!

Make your choice and move on...

Answer 9

It is totally up to you. I think that breast milk is the best but I never breast feed either of my two girls. And if you are feeding all day then your milk is filling her up. So you should not feel guilty at all for stopping. Give that BABY something to fill her up. Full time breast feeding I feel is for mommy's that can stay home with their babies all day. She will grow and be healthy with formula. Both of my girls are great. My oldest is 25yrs old with 2 kids of her own and she didn't breast feed her first child because she too was going to college and didn't have the time to sit on the couch all day feeding but she was able to stay home with the second child and breast feed her and is now winging her. So I say don't feel guilty you have given her a good start!!!!!!!

Answer 10

Instead of stopping, why not find help?

Contact your local La Leche League Leader and/or Lactation Consultant and work on getting her to nurse at the breast so you don't have to keep pumping.

A 2 week old is supposed to be constantly hungry. If you have her at the breast, it is actually EASY to take care of the older child at the same time. Sling baby and nurse. Have the other child sit beside you and play puppets or read books together or do puzzles, etc.

Pump just enough to get a letdown and then offer the breast. This way the milk will be flowing and she'll get a quicker reward and may be more willing to nurse.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/back-to-breast.html

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/normal/newborn-nursing.html

http://www.lalecheleague.org

Answer 11

Your daughter probably prefers the bottle because she gets instant gratification and doesn't have to suckle until the let down.

Try pumping until you have a let down, then pop her on the breast and see if she will take it that way. My guess is that you will feel better if you can get her to start nursing, and then pump only when you know you will be away from her (i.e. when you're in class). Also, to increase your milk supply, you can get Mother's Milk tea from most health stores.

Dr. Jack Newman's website has some good articles and videos that you may find helpful, and I believe you can ask them questions about trying to get baby to transition back to the breast.