How does one handle jealousy?

Question

One of my most crippling and shameful flaws is jealousy. It's an evil feeling, it's frightfully close to how hatred feels like, it tortures me, and yet there doesn't seem to be a remedy. The triggers of my jealousy are mainly limited to two things... having a friend I love who has a BEST friend who isn't me, and someone whose artistic talent is better than mine. I've tried numerous things, including telling myself that the having isn't nearly so fine as the wanting, and that I need to learn how to be happy with whatever blessings I have right now. But again... it all fades, and I am left once again with these burning possessive desires that consume my thoughts and even my heart.

I'd love to be free of this, and be a proper, grateful and humble person. My question is this... is there a way? A cure?

Answer 1

Well. I know what you mean. It's an awful feeling that is hard to "shake." I've mostly only ever been jealous of boyfriends on occaision, and the remedy for me was just to tell him to stop doing what was making me jealous, or dump him since the jealousy thing was really due to a lack of trust.

With your situation it's a bit different though. I think in terms of your friend, maybe finding someone else who can be your best friend and you their's would help a little. I know best friends are difficult to come by though. You could also just appreciate how close you are with your friend instead of thinking of your relationship in terms of labels, such as "best friend." Often people really mean oldest friend when they say best friend, and it isn't really an expression of a deeper connection or more "affection" for that person.

As for the artistic thing, sometimes jealousy/competetiveness can be good. It gives us the drive to work harder. As for her being more talented than you, maybe she just practices more. I'm sure there are artistic things that you do better than her, since no one is perfect. Maybe just try some other mediums, or techniques until you find the one that you excel at, and focus on that, and accept that we all (even the people we're jealous of) have strengths and weaknesses, and there are surely things that these other people are jealous of others for as well.

Good Luck. It seems like you feel guilty for being jealous, but don't know how to change, which probably makes you feel twice as bad. I don't know how helpful my response was, but I hope it helped at least a little. Don't feel too bad either way though, we all get jealous now and then. You're not a bad person for it, in fact since it bothers you that you do it, you are probably a very good person, so give yourself a bit of a break, and think about all the things that are great about you for a change.

Answer 2

You need more friends. Friends who are like what you aspire to be. You sound like a nice enough person. And your question is asked humbly so you are in many ways already a humble person. We all have weakness and it is good that you acknowledge yours. That is the first step towards overcoming. Perhaps you should not do or say things to win attention or praise. That will feed your insecurity and give rise to jealousy when others get praise or attention instead of you. Focus on your strengths - and you do have many. When you realise that you need not depend on what others say or do for your sense of worth, then you would have broken free. However if you do get a 'Jealousy attack' again do not start judging yourself at that moment. Instead just observe yourself being that way. Sense the intensity and emotions as they happen. If you keep doing this, you may be pleasantly surprised that eventually the jealously will die down. But remember not to criticise your behaviour at that moment.

In time you will discover that you are a special individual and that you require no one else to tell you so. I wish you well.

Answer 3

You do know that jealousy comes from feelings of insecurity. So find something you do well and go for it. Expand your horizons. Make new friends. Develop new hobbies. Join some clubs. Don't ever expect any one person or thing to meet all of your needs. Take up biking.
Whatever, you can justly be proud of.

Answer 4

The way is to get better self esteem and be in a relationship with someone you trust.
the self esteem thing is the main thing, though. Usually our jealousy stems from our own feelings of inadequacy.
Unfortunately this is a process that can take years.
Stop comparing yourself to others and start looking at what you can do and where your strengths are.

Answer 5

Yes there is . Believe me there is a way to diminish the pain of jealousy which burns the soul like acid.. But it is not easy and cannot be achieved over night There are thousands of books and methods of dealing with jealousy.
God loves you... so love yourself.
It is late in the night .I will elaborate on this soon.

Answer 6

Yes. The cure is right in your question. The trouble is, you expect to get some thing different from what you know. you need to Be great full. First to your self and then, the others... Your friend in particular. Its just in your mind that you're disturbed. Just be good To your self..... you will know that its good to fill gooood to others. Some times its human nature to have funny or silly minds... But you've identified it, go on to over-come it.

Answer 7

Jealousy can be overcome by doing the exact opposite thing that you want to do.

Answer 8

It sounds like you are very insecure, in that you want so desperately what you cannot have. You need to work on accepting yourself as you are, stop self-criticizing and not be so overly concerned with what others do or have.

Answer 9

you can just be like ohh your clothes are very cute and maybe they will stop being jelous and they will think their clothes was cute

Answer 10

wat u r feeling isnt jealousy, its envy. i am currently going through the same situation and so are many other people. you r not alone.