how do i get my best guy friend to open up to me?

Question

so the short story is my best guy friend has had some very rough times in his life and one of his friends recently tried to commit suicide and i know it's upsetting him because he didn't want to talk to me today and we usually hang out every morning before school.
does anyone know a way that i could get him to open up to me and show him that he can really trust me with absoulutly anything?

ps
he has a busy schedual because of baseball and he never answers his phone so he is hard to get ahold of
any ideas on how to reach him?

Answer 1

If you have already told him you are happy to listen to him, there is not really a great deal more you can do other than wait.

Certainly if you pester him, he is likely to feel a need to avoid you rather than confide in you.

A few quick pointers which help people fel able to talk to you. You can ignore any of them you want - but just ignoring one will make it unlikely that people will want to discuss anything too ijmportant with you.

1. Don't judge. "Oh, I don't think you should be doing that, I think you....." Nope. If you judge them, they will confide elsewhere.

2. Confidential. If they tell you something and 15 minutes later the realize you told someone else - forget them making the mistake of trusting you with anything REALLY important to them.

3. Shut up!! Let them talk - al you need to do at first is listen - without interupting them, wit5hout judging them and without farting about with your phone / hair / mp3 player.

4. Not your job to give advice!!! Most people *love* to tell everyone else what to do - and seem amazed that they don't do it. Problem with advice - it is usually only good for certain people in certain circumstances. If you start telling someone what they must do, do NOT be surprised if they avoid you. Even when someone ASKS for advice, it is FAR better to help them work out what THEY think they need to do.

5. Try to hide immediate feelings a little. if a frind sees you are crying when they tell you a horrible story - they are likely to shut up - because they are worried they are upsetting you. Try to show genuine interest and concern - but try not to have your eyes and mouth wide open! :)

6. Try VERY hard to avoid the "oooh, I know just how you feel". It is one of the very worst things you can say to someone - and people who are immediately met with "How the f*** do you know what I'm feeling" have only themselves to blame.

7. Be patient. They may want to "drip feed" you tiny bits of information before trsuting you with something really important to them. If you respect and value what they say, sooner or later they may well open up and tell you what is REALLY on their mind.

8. It is THEIR "stuff" and the only way to help them is to let THEM work through their feelings in their own way and in their own time. when they have done that, THANK THEM for sharing their "stuff" with you. It IS a great priveledge to have someone open their heart to you - acknowledge it.

I could drone on for hours and bore you rigid, but short of writing a mini "active listening course", this is perhaps enough to get you going. It sounds as though your friend might well need someone to listen to him, but before offering yourself - make sure you feel strong enough to be able to listen to some very dark thoughts / feelings - remember the "oh, don't think like that, cheer up" will just mean he doesn't try and talk to you again.

Should he cry, PLEASE let him do so, the friend who thinks they are helping by saying "ooh, come on don't cry" is really just saying "I cannot handle your emotions, please bottle them up again quick". If you are close enough to just drape an arm over his shoulder, then do so - but remain silent - or tell him to "let it out".

This might have been a bit more of a lengthy response than you wanted, but to TRULY help your friend, you might want top give a little thought to what has been put here. If you "pick and choose" which bits to ignore, I suspect you will find he will only try and talk to you the once.

Answer 2

Some people don't want to rehash an open wound and a really caring person would understand that and give them space. Also, he may already have someone that he is talking to and feel that you are just invading a very painful private part of his life. It is okay to let someone know that you are there for them but not to be so pushy as to add to their burden. You have made the offer now accept the fact that they do not want to talk to you at this time.

Answer 3

With most guys it's the same thing, don't rush them. They'll open up when they want to. If his friend just tried committing suicide recently, your friend may still be trying to keep some stability and control in his life, it's a process of grief, even if his friend was not successful (hopefully he wasn't), so he might be in the "denial" stage. Just let him know that you're there when he's ready and leave it at that. He'll appreciate space just as much as a lending ear.

Answer 4

I certainly have lots of guy friends too and each so often they do purely no longer % to open up because of fact (and that i comprehend this sounds lame) that's a guy concern that a woman won't be able to comprehend. i comprehend that sounds stupid besides the fact that that's genuine and in case you % to be a good pal you will drop it...or ask his different friends and locate out. lol.

Answer 5

well, if he's your best guy friend, it should be easy. But sometimes when I know theres something bothering my bf, I just talk about things that are bothering me and whats going on in my mind, and eventually he opens up to me, by saying, yeah I know what you mean and if he doesnt say that, I'll just be like, do you know what I mean? If he doesnt seem to wonna open up, come out and tell him you're there for him, but that you respect the fact that he wants to think things through for himself, because for some people, its just how they deal with things. When he's good and ready to come out and talk to you, you'll know it.

Just keep in touch with him to let him know theres someone who cares, email him talk to him online, go watch him practice sometimes, what guy doesnt like that?! lol

ne ways, I hope all works out well!

-Erica

Answer 6

if you want him to trust you, you should first show that you trust him. tell him about something that he'll know is something you would ONLY tell him. make him feel like you really care and you want to hear about his problems and help him. then, ask him too tell you what's on his mind. once you've gained his trust, keep it by making sure you don't judge him and you don't make rude comments. be sensitive about how he thinks and be sensible about what you say

Answer 7

just keep trying.....but don't push it. Let him know that you're available to talk if he wants to, and leave it at that.

Answer 8

You will have to prove to him that you are really trustworthy.