My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since pretty much July of 2006 and I have a soon to be sister-in-law that just found out she is pregnant and they weren't even trying. I do want to be happy for her/them but I can't help but feel sad that my hubby and I have not succeded in what they have already accomplished. Any advice?
2007-03-23 15:58:02 · 23 answers · asked by smilingblonde85 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Thank you all for your input. I appreciate the advice. I certainly would not let the way I am feeling interfere with our family relationship, but it is discuraging.
2007-03-23 16:14:08 · update #1
We plan to keep trying. I think he (my husband) is a bit discuraged by this too. Again, Thanks!
2007-03-23 16:19:28 · update #2
Unless you have dealt with the pain of infertility first hand, there is no understanding what is like to have those feelings of jealousy, inadequacy, sadness, anger... yes, people will tell you that you shouldn't have those feelings and it will only make you feel like you are a bad person for feeling the way that you do. There is no way for them to know how difficult it is to see everyone around you getting pregnant (especially the "oops" babies) when that is all you want and it just isn't happening for you.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE WAY YOU FEEL. But do your best to be supportive of your sister-in-law when you are around her. She doesn't have to know that you feel that way, because they will probably need the family's support. I understand that you are not upset that she is pregnant, you are just upset that you haven't been able to experience that joy. It is hard!!!!
I have found that the best thing you can do is talk to people who have been there, or who are experiencing the same thing you are. It is so helpful to find a group of supportive people that really understand you. That way, you will be able to vent your frustrations to people who won't chastise you and it will be easier to show your sister-in-law that you are happy for them. Fertilityfriend.com has been a lifesaver for me - very understanding women over there. Don't let these people discourage you.
"Relax and it will happen" is not an answer to infertility. Those of us who have been there know better.
2007-03-23 18:21:10 · answer #1 · answered by aaustin74 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have some friends in the same situation. They've been wanting a baby forever... then the sister gets pregnant with twins without even trying. But then our friend did get pregnant finally, and she and her sister were pregnant at the same time. But then our friend had a miscarriage. So it could be worse. Be happy for your sister-in-law and hope for a healthy pregnancy. When the time is right, your little one will be knocking at your door.
2007-03-23 16:04:10 · answer #2 · answered by metagg 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would be sad. I wouldn't advise saying anything to your sister in law because that would be inconsiderate seeing as she didn't get pregnant to upset you.I know it is completely different but I sort of know what your feeling, my best friend got engaged recently and I was jealous and it was hard for me to be sincerely happy because I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we are not engaged yet. I'm sorry you are having a hard time getting pregnant. I would confide your feelings with your husband and close friends. Good Luck!
2007-03-23 16:04:21 · answer #3 · answered by Julz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, be 100% happy for her and 100% supportive of her. You are able to see your side of things which is "unfairness", but you need to empathize with her and keep in mind that she is probably feeling sickly, emotional, scared (this is new to her) and just that she really needs you right now. Helping her through her pregnancy may help you relax a little bit about your situation.
I lost a friend over this - she had been trying for years to get pregnant and I happened to get pregnant right after she miscarried. I was single, scared and not emotionally able to cope with the way she dumped on me. She had gotten so obsessed with getting pregnant that she couldn't see past her own issues and be a friend to someone who really needed a friend. She seemed to forget that I was the one who was there in support of her through miscarriages, in vitro treatments, etc. Be happy for your sister-in-law - there is no room to be jealous. Her pregnancy has nothing to do with your difficulty. It might take awhile for you to get pregnant - is it appropriate to be resentful of everyone else who gets pregnant in the meantime?
I wish you luck - eat right, get enough sleep and relax:)
2007-03-23 16:16:47 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. Goddess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's only human to be jealous and a little upset so don't beat yourself up for it. Sometimes it just takes longer for things to happen for some people over others. But just keep trying and soon you'll probably be just as happy as she is. Plus if you get pregnant soon than it might be kind of nice to have someone going along with you. It's nice to share your pregnancy problems with someone who knows exactly what you're talking about. So just keep trying and don't let her situation get you down. Good luck and i hope you have a little one soon
2007-03-23 16:07:58 · answer #5 · answered by blessed mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was trying to get pregnant with my second and had two miscarriages in a row..At the same time my sister and sister-in-law were both pregnant. I was a little depressed seeing their bellies grow and all but it finally happened for me to!! Now I`m pregnant with number three! It will happen for you, just give it some time and relax.. Enjoy yourself (and your husband!!)..Good Luck!!
2007-03-23 16:09:33 · answer #6 · answered by bad kitty 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be upset. But I would'nt give up. They say these things happen when least expected. Just try to relax, start those prenatal vitamins, and have intercourse every 2 to 3 days throughout the month. You'll catch that fertile day.
Good Luck
2007-03-23 16:05:16 · answer #7 · answered by dbestonegirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be happy for them, its not their fault you have not had success as yet. stop trying and focussing on it so much and it will probably happen. you stress so much about it happening that that in itself prevents it from happening. well, thats what happened with me anyways. it was the be all, end all, then when i bled every month i was so disappointed. eventually i just gave up and it happened all on its own. if it doesnt happen by july 07, go to the doctor and get checked out, as most couples who are trying usually conceive in the first year, but there are no guarantees
2007-03-23 16:12:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Join in their happiness and relax a little . Your time will come . Don't blame them for their happiness ; but give them the support you would want . People don't have children to spite their in-laws . Good luck .
2007-03-23 16:11:39 · answer #9 · answered by missmayzie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how you would feel a little upset that you are not also pregnant. But don't let it steal his sisters joy. You would want people to be happy for you if you got pregnant, right?
2007-03-23 16:07:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋