hi im hayley i have been on here plenty of times for my bf. i took him back 5 times thinking he will change but he didnt. he calls me names and laughs when im crying he thinks its a joke. i tell him all the time to please stop its sad that it takes me 3 times for him to stop. i love him but im afraid to end it when i try to say its over part of me didnt mean it im so confused. i use to be so strong and dependent but im not anymore. bc of him.part of me doest want him to be with anybody else. i need help
thanks hayley oklahoma
2007-03-23 15:55:56 · 19 answers · asked by Hayley H 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Your bf is an emotionally weak person. By grinding you down he builds himself up. Just before you leave him he will be come a nice guy, and compared to the jerk he was it seems like you have gone to a good relationship. Once you have decided to stay he goes back to being a jerk.
He is damaged goods and nothing you can do will EVER change that. Leave him and leave him for good. You deserve a strong man that treats his woman like a treasure. I'm a guy and guys NEVER change. A strong man will always be strong, and a weakling like your bf will always be weak.
2007-03-23 16:07:33 · answer #1 · answered by Signed1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to examine your relationship as if you helping a good friend.
You might see that the more you put up with the further it goes each time.
If you leave and take him back, it can be like a game for him and some time off to do as he pleases.
He is not hurt the same as yourself because he has come to expect you will take him back.
While you are hurt and unsure of what to do or what you really feel.
Part of it is just missing something your are familiar with.
Another part is the natural competitive nature of humans, as if you would be losing to someone else that ended up with him. You could think of that as a win!!!
Of course there is love or strong feeling you have, you need to let that go to save yourself. You are letting him drag you down further and further.
You will be whatever you allow people to make of you if you do not rise above this type of treatment.
Lastly if you want to stay away from him it could help to have someone to talk about with on a regular basis or anytime you start to feel you miss him. Even replying here if needed.
Yeah... do that! Best of luck!
2007-03-23 23:16:16 · answer #2 · answered by astroservus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from someone who has been in an abusive relationship for 5 years I can tell you right now it will not get any better. My ex was verbally and emotionally abusive and he was also a jerk and a insensitive a**hole. He's degraded you to the point that you have no real sense of being a free willed and thinking individual. If you don't leave the abuse will get to the point that many men who are abusive will resort to serious violence and there are women who are killed by their husbands and boyfriends all because they didnt have the strength to leave and get out of these types of relationships.
Please get out of this while he's not violent because if you had a chance to watch the movie the Burning Bed you'll have an idea of the seriousness of domestic violence situations. Domestic violence isnt just physical it's mental and emotional as well. Please consider the people who love you and those who only want the best for you. Life will be much better without him and it's better for me since I left and he's not contacted me since I left him. Every time you take him back the abuse gets worse and worse. Your ex needs help and you're not helping him by taking him back every time he tells you he's sorry because realistically he's not.
This is the mistake women make with men like this is because you allow yourself to take back someone who needed to be kicked to the curb a long time ago. When I kicked my ex to the curb life was looking way better than it did in the 5 years I was with him. He used to tell me things will get better and then turned around and degraded me by saying nobody wanted me and that I was fat and ugly and worthless and when I left it shocked him into reality that I was just fine without him. You will be just fine without him please get out of this because you don't want to end up as a statistic because every 15 seconds a woman becomes another victim of domestic violence please don't let yourself get that way get out of this and run as fast as you can and don't look back. If you want to talk send me a message.
2007-03-23 23:11:19 · answer #3 · answered by nabdullah2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to hurt your feelings, Hayley, but I think that you need to let this guy go. You don't want to be with anyone who mistreats you, do you? That is not the way that love is supposed to feel. True love feels good. It makes you smile and laugh and feel all warm inside. It lets you know that the person you're in love with respects you and cares about your feelings. You deserve to be both loved and respected. Neither seems to be occurring now. I know that this hurts, but you must give yourself a chance get over this guy. That is the only way that you will heal your wounded heart. And don't worry. One day you will meet a man who thinks the world of you and as a result of this, you won't even be able to remember your ex-boyfriend's name. Be kind to yourself. Let him go. Best wishes to you, Hayley. You WILL make it through this. You will.
2007-03-23 23:05:32 · answer #4 · answered by Cherish 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its time for a reality check.Why do you LOVE someone who mistreats you?Is it because you fear you cannot do better?Or you love him so much youre willing to put up with it just to have him?Ive been in bad relationships hon.Id rather be alone the rest of my life than to be in a bad relationship.Dont be afraid to be alone, many people are and I used to think I could NEVER like being alone, I finally did though and just when I got to liking being alone, I met my wife.If you stay in this relationship, its because YOU choose to.Unless he is holding a gun on you 24-7 you have no excuse NOT to leave.Go back to your parents and say"I made a mistake" then get to KNOW a guy and wait for him to marry you FIRST before sex and living together.Just see this as a bad mistake and a learning experience.You will hurt but you will heal and then you will realize"Im so happy now,why did I stay with that jerk for so long?"
2007-03-23 23:02:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why in the world do you allow that brute to control you?
He doesn't love you. He has the need to control you, that's all.
Why are you confused? The point is, you need to decide whether or not you love yourself. If you do, you won't just sit around and let him go on hurting you.
He will NOT change! NOT! You can't change him.
Get out and save yourself. You don't want to hang on and let him continue to hurt you, and also hurt any kids you'd have with him some day.
Life is too short to waste it on a guy like that. You deserve much better.
2007-03-23 23:19:04 · answer #6 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't state your age, but if you are not able to break this pattern of asking for and accepting abuse, you will be in unhappy situations all your life. If you cannot see that you are allowing this to continue and you cannot possibily love someone who treats you with no respect. You have to accept the fact that he is cruel and unfeeling, yet you continue to take it. You have value as a human being and do not need to let this person abuse you. Talk to a counselor,a family services orginization,your parents and any one who can support you in regaining your self esteem and seeing how worthless someone is who would do this to you. And you have to take responsibility and stop saying " but i love him". would you love being hit in the head by a brick everyday? Get help. get your life back on track and dump this person. Remember this when you fall in love again and don't repeat the same situation.
2007-03-23 23:14:50 · answer #7 · answered by MAGGIENICE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its over. You know it is. Just get the cahones to voice the thoughts that are in your head and speak them already.
Or you will be with this guy that abuses you for as long as he lets you.
Youre letting him treat you like crap. Maybe you like it if you keep getting back together. If you are happy being miserable, then by all means, stay.
But since you are on here looking for advice it sounds like you are ready for a change.
Not trying to be mean but wake up and get the %$#& outta there.
2007-03-23 23:01:36 · answer #8 · answered by Sami Jo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hayley- keep in mind that this relationship will stay with you for the rest of your life...if you break it off now you will keep your integrity. If you don't break it off it will only get worse and worse. LOVE YOURSELF - take care of YOURSELF FIRST.
Tell yourself over and over again that you DO deserve a healthy relationship. AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST and leave this guy to his own weaknesses.
And one more thing- the best predictor of someone's future actions are their past actions-
You know what's already happend- why do it again?
2007-03-27 19:22:06 · answer #9 · answered by Kaybee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. You do need help. Plenty of people are going to try; are you going to listen and then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?
No one can do it for you. You need to get out of that relationship now. You can not move on until you do. Why do you think it is okay to be treated like that? Would you do it to someone? If you would not; then why do you allow it to you? Aren't you someone, too?
If you do not think you are worth loving and treating right, why should he?
2007-03-23 23:05:13 · answer #10 · answered by hopflower 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋