Do you think it best to force the ex to spend time with their children when they don't want to?

Question

I want to know what you think about forcing the ex partner to see their children when that person don't want nothing to do with them.
Do you think it best for a child to be force as well if they don't want to see the father or mother.?
I know that the parent has the right see them but what happen if they want nothing to children .

it that the court think it best that the child know the other parent . but puzzle me when that parent doesn't want nothing do with the children.

Answer 1

thats a common problem...

there are two different kinds of parents;
1) those whom love and take interest in thier childrens lives
2) those who view them as a burden.

cant force a parent to be a good parent. children have to go on visitation until they are old enough to say "no".

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ABANDONMENT (NO SHOW PARENTS)
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http://www.alllaw.com/articles/family/child_custody/article7.asp

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http://www.divorcehq.com/spprtgroups.html
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http://www.divorcesource.com/
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/deadbeat/deadbeat.shtml
http://www.divorcecentral.com/
http://family.findlaw.com/
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/unpaid-support/support-orders-enforcement.html
http://www.divorcehq.com/deadbeat.html
http://www.divorceinfo.com/
http://www.divorceinanutshell.com/
http://www.lawchek.com/Library1/_books/domestic/qanda/childsupp.htm
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-laws/state-child-/
http://www.supportguidelines.com/resources.html
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http://fatherhood.hhs.gov/pfs92/ch3.htm

SSI AND DISABILITY
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http://www.fms.treas.gov/faq/offsets_childsupport.html
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p504/ar02.html#d0e563
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Answer 2

If the ex does not want to be a parent then they shouldn't be. That child is better off without them. I'd make sure that person knows this is a permanent decision and make them give up all rights so they can't change their mind and come back and screw up the poor kid years later. This is an all or none forever decision.
If the kid doesn't want to see the parent, that's a different story. If that parent is making an effort to be a good parent then the kid has to deal with it until they are older. Kids don't always like their parents all the time but they don't get to pick them and they are the parents. They can't get their way on this or next time they get mad at the parent they "like" they will just go to the other one and never have any boundaries.
Set up a visitation schedule and make them stick with it like clockwork. Tell them to make the best of it and they will thank both parents later.

Answer 3

As painful as it is for a child to hear that his or her parent doesn't want to spend time with him, it's a lot less painful than leaving them in the care of a potentially neglectful parent (who could harm the child) or supervising a visit which more closely resembles a forced confinement.

Eventually the disinterested parent may come around (or grow up and realize what they have missed, usually way too late.) It is certainly hurtful for the child, but kids are pretty resilient; many children of poor parents have grown up to be reasonably well adjusted and productive adults.

As far as kids who don't want to see a parent, that really depends on the age of the kids and the circumstances involved. If there is abuse of any sort involved, keep the kids away. If the children are just upset that Daddy and Mommy aren't together any more and are blaming one or the other, forcing visitation may help them to realize that they are still loved by both parents. Mediation through family court, or family counseling, can be helpful to work out viable custody and visitation arrangements.

Answer 4

I wouldn't say the court's always know what's best first of all. They sit up on the bench in their robe's passing judgement over people they know nothing about.

I just asked a simular question and about Child Support.

I wouldn't force the parent to be with the child if they choose not to. Yes it would be good for a child to know both parent's but if one parent chooses not to then it would most likely have a negative effect on the child.

As far as if the child doesn't want to see the parent I would think you would have to go to court. Maybe counciling because a child doesn't alway's understand. And from what I see in my husband's case with his X-wife, she play's a lot of game's with the kid's that I would never think a grownup would do. But as I have learned over the year's it happen's. The child would probable have to tell the court's if they didn't want to see the other parent. They may not get the answer they deserve or wish but that is probable what would have to be done.

In time thing's may come around and work out. Usually for both the child and parent. I guess depending on why and what the circumstance are.

I myself don't think much about court's or their decision's. Specially when it come's to the poor men.

Really you can't force a parent to see the child even if it is court ordered cause all they will do is not show up. And if they did would you want that negativity passed on to the child. I would just explain to them and give them enought love and they will grow up normally. They won't miss what isn't there to begin with.

Answer 5

Yes, it's wrong to force someone to do something that they are not feeling. You can't force that parent to spend time with their child. It's their lost. The absent parent doesn't realize how much they are missing out on. You also, don't want your child to be in a uncomfortable environment. If the child doesn't want to see the other parent you need to find out why. It's hard to give advice in these situations. Because every situation is different. All I can tell you is to do what you feel is best for you and your child/children. Their feelings have to be taken into consideration. Children are people too. They just express themselves a little different from adults. If sending the children to see the absent parent is causing problems and effecting the children then you can either seek family counseling or just raise them as a single parent.

Answer 6

If the other parent doesn't want to spend time with the children don't force it, but leave the area open for when he or she does never deny the time that they want to spend with the children and never put a time limit on it.

Answer 7

I see this from both sides of the fence on a daily basis, and I have mixed emotions. Some parents hold this bitterness towards each other that the kids get dragged into. In doing so, some parents will avoid the other parent like the plague, which sometimes means avoiding the kids. Those kind of parents should be forced. Because it's not that they are bad parents or they don't love their kids. It's just that they have such deep seeded hurt, that seeing that other parent only makes that resurface. Most often, they don't realize the damage they are doing by avoiding their own children. They honestly believe they are making the lives of their children easier by removing themselves from the problem.

On the other side of that coin are the less desireable parents. The ones that put everything else in their life before the lives of their children. And from experience, I can honestly say that this isn't something new. Chances are that parent often did that during the marriage as well and the kids are use to not having that parent around as much. In that case, I would say that one really great parent would be much better than one good one and one jaded one. It confuses children as to what a "normal" life should be. It also leaves them feeling as though they aren't wanted or loved and possibly not good enough later on down the road.

I wish I could give you a more definitive answer hon, but this type of situation has to be made by the parent who is raising the children. He/she will know what type of parent that person is and if they deserve to be around their children or not. Children are a privelage and a blessing, not a right of passage into adulthood. I just wish more people would realize that.

As for the children....I wish I didn't have to say this as often as I do, but children's views on their parents during the divorce, often come from the parent they are living with. When you are venting, they are listening...no matter who you are talking to. Children are sponges honey. They not only absorb words, but they look at your demeanor, your facial expressions when his/her name comes up and the actions you take on a daily basis. If you can live without the other person, so can they...is their logic. Unless the non-custodial parent is some sort of unfit monster who poses potential harm to them, I always encourage the parent with placement to bend over backwards, be the bigger person and suck up as much as you have to in order for those children to maintain a relationship with their other parent. I know it's easier said than done, but if you really want well rounded kids with two parents in their lives for the rest of their lives...it's a sacrifice that has to be made. When the children get older and start to form their own opinions of what works for them and what doesn't, then you can step back a little and let them direct you in which course to take, but until then, and I'm sorry to say this, you have to do what is right. Our children are our future and it's our job to make sure we steer them on the right course.

Answer 8

I do not think a parent should be forced to spend time with a child they could do more damage to the child seeing them and not wanting to. It may be easier on the child and their feelings if they do not see that parent who does not want to see them at least you don't have to worry about the other parent being verbally or emotionally abusive by telling the child they really don't want to see them. As a parent one should want to see and spend time with their child or children if they don' their loss.

Answer 9

no i do not think its good for the kids. i always told my Ex i would not make the kids go with him if they didn't want to go. but of course he agreed with me. and my Ex was a good father but only took them on the days he was suppose to. i was working 2 jobs he complained i was never home and the kids(they were teenagers)were always at home alone. so i asked him to start taking them through the week also to help me out. of course he said no because it would make it easier on me. LMAO so anyways no i would not make the kids go and always tell the kids the truth(depending how old they are)one thing my kids always loved and still love about me. i always spoke the truth. but if they are older and say you kept them away then explain it all to them. don't hold the bag for your partner. and just raise the kids the best you can. and i wouldn't let them know when the visits are until last minute so they are not waiting and no one shows up. that's just devastating to a child. i wish you luck. :)

Answer 10

you should talk to a lawyer about it .but no i don't think a ex should be forced to see his or her children if they don't want too but that's awful and the children might resent who ever parent didn't want nothing to do with them

Answer 11

If the other partner "wants nothing to do with" the child, then no, don't push the child on him/her. It'll probably just be unpleasant for the child, who is perhaps not old enough to realize that his/her mother/father is in fact just an a.sshole.

I teach college freshman English and one of my students wrote a beautiful paper on being raised by her mother because her father was a jerk who wanted nothing to do with her. She had no animosity toward her father; she only respected her mother all the more for being an incredibly strong woman and raising her two children so well. A child does not become "screwed up" from being raised in a single-parent household. (More screwed-up people than you would realize were raised in married households.)

On a side note, why is it that it's always the men who don't mind being alienated from their children and absent from their lives? It pisses me off. As though they weren't responsible for creating half of the child.