How do you forgive betrayal from the person you trusted most in this world?

Question

How do you move on with a relationship, once you've been hurt! And is the effort of making it work, worth it?

I am taking marriage counseling in hopes that things will work out. But I just cannot help but to be paranoid everytime I see him checking his emails, and phone for messages or texts. Does that feeling ever go away? Or will I always be paranoid, and unhappy!

Answer 1

I am working on the same thing. Its been 2 years but he still lies about little, seemingly insignificant things so the answer is no for me now. My thought is that if he is lying about something that looks innocent, it is because he is hiding something not innocent at all - I mean, why risk getting caught in a lie (that is not important at all) after knowing how it will effect the relationship? If he was totally honest since, and really trying,I think the answer would be yes. To be happy,you must forgive, but no one can make you forget. I think it will always be in the back of your mind, but time will lessen the hurt and paranoia, and diminish its impact if he tries to mend the relationship, If he is able to do whatever it takes to win you back, and be totally honest with you, you will be able to let it go completely and be happy.

The effort is definitely worth it. This is what they mean when they say marriage is hard work. Disappointments and setbacks are going to happen. When worked through and overcome, they will make you stronger. Running will not so if you love each other and he is doing his best and wants to make it work, stick it out.

PS he should have no problem not hiding phone messages, texts, etc. to re-gain your trust. Its going to be hard for him as well. He is the one who betrayed, and his inconvience and uncomfort over the aftermath are of his own doing. You wouldn't feel the need to check on him if he was strait up it the first place. Don't feel like you need to make it easy on him. If you want to talk, you should be able to do so, regardless of his discomfort.

Answer 2

Forgiveness is very hard to learn to do and it takes time and healing before you can forgive and let go of the pain of being betrayed.Yes over time and i mean alot of time you will learn to trust him again and the feeling will start to go away. With counseling and help i feel you will not always be paranoid just more careful and that someday you will be happy again. I feel that you will learn how to forgive someday but letting go of the pain and unhappiness and healing will take some time. My heart goes out to you today and i can feel your pain... Here comes lots of hugs your way. Forgiveness and letting go can be the first step toward your healling from all of this as well.. I know that when i chose to forgive certain people in my life it was very healing and helpful for me to do this. It was like i was letting go of the pain and anger and choosing to Hold onto the good and positive and happy thoughts in life. I am now a much better person for it and now i find it much easier to forgive people then what i used to. Instead of holding on the the bitterness and the pain i let it go and i chose to be a overcomer and a survivor and better person for it.




http://www.drphil.com

Answer 3

Forgiveness is a decision. You just do it. I know it's easier said than done, but it has to be done. I've been there.

As far as counseling, it has a VERY low success rate. If you are genuinely serious about your marriage, go to Retrouvaille. (ret troe vie) There aren't any 'experts' there -just people who have been where you are (or worse). Usually you only pay if you think it's worth it, and the money just goes to cover expenses like food.

my wife and I are living proof that it works. Our marriage is so strong now it's almost like we weren't even married before in comparison.

Answer 4

I felt I couldn't be as happy as I could be with my cheating spouse, I really wanted to think it could work and entertained the thought of trying but no way could I ever feel the respect I once had for her and ended a 20+ year marriage...I would have to say current circumstances play a role in my decision, kids were grown, it was a clean break...I may have thought twice if kids were young, but may eventually broke it off when they left home.

Answer 5

You're doing his work for him. He needs to be doing things to rebuild the trust. It sounds like there is an underlying problem to the betrayal that may not be resolved yet. Keep digging for the source of these feelings so you can stop it where it starts. Yes, you will be happy again.

Answer 6

You can move on what I found helpful was to compartmentalize the situations, and remember all of the good things and this will help ease the bad you never totally forget but you can truly forgive and you can move on. It is not easy but it can be done

Answer 7

Understanding... the more that you understand the "betrayal" the better you'll be able to forgive it.

I was going to write to you, but I can't... so if you need to learn more about understanding, feel free to write to me. I've been forgiving a great betrayal for over 20 years...

Answer 8

Give it a good long while. If it doesn't diminish at all, and your life doesn't get any better and you feel the same amount of hurt, then it's time to move on.

Answer 9

YOU can forgive but you can never forget! and to tell you the truth if you are paranoid or un happy about your situation maybe its time you left that relationship.

Answer 10

hey darling just move on. people never change once a cheater always a cheater. u try and hope people change and they do maybe for a month or so but then they always go back to their old ways.