Can I ask a personal question to the marrieds on this site?

Question

I beleive in being prudent but this question is on my mind My husband and I abstained until we were married and the first time we had se* was on our honeymoon. We do love eacother and we are happy married 13 years but the few times I have seen se* scenes in the movies the couple (usually not married) were very coordinated and very smooth and very experienced we had not prior experince we are blessed but we are not swining off the chandliers like when we first married I am in my 30s and my husband in his early 40s. We are not dissatified with eacother but is this normal? In marraige what is a healthy normal se* life consist of?

Answer 1

even though what you saw was in a movie, people would not be that smooth unless they had alot of experience. sure it's acting but they also know what they are doing. It was a good thing you didn't do it until you were married and that just goes to show in time you will have more experience with your true loved one. and you should be happy that you didn't get to learn se_ with many other partners. Some people think that's cool but it isn't. I think you're not swinging off the chadelier because you have gotten use to each other. That's normal. And that will be the healtiest way for the rest of your life. Don't take other peoples words when they say have an affair it will liven up your sex life in bed with your husband. People who listen to this kind of talk don't consider the consequences. You could get caught and that would ruin your marriage. It can also be a phase you're going through. Married people go through uncertain things at times like having flashback of the fun they use to have. People who succeed in marriage are the ones who don't fall to these temptations. That is what it is. Sex doesn't have to be everything in marriage, their are other things you can do together that can feel just as exillerating. Well, maybe not as much but there are other things .(smile) Look for mature women to talk to. The ones who are happy . Sometimes much older person will tell you what you can do to acheive a healthy sex life. Sorry to say some of "us"guys don't do that mainly because some of us who hasn't grown up yet think they are all studs. (Ha!) A real man knows what to do when the going gets tough. Don't think your se- life is over, just remember that you are use to each other now. That's all it is. I hope I helped some.

Answer 2

I think you answered your question when you talked about couples in the "movies". That is what it is and it ends up giving some people a complex about themselves and if they are OK. Each couple defines their own version of normal. Are both of you giving and taking and feeling satisfaction during and after relations with each other? How 'bout buying a book or something not so "prudent" at an adult book store or through the mail to begin experiencing or educating yoursleves on healthy and normal intimate beings. It sounds like you both are a little passive and unsure. There will be some giggles and "Oh no's" but who better to share something so intimate and special with than your mate of 13 years? Good Luck and Happy Adventures!!

Answer 3

Yes it is normal....you have become comfortable with each other.....and lets face it there is only so many ways you can make love. What you see in the movies is pretend and they are getting paid to moan and groan. When you first start seeing someone its all new and exploring each other so it is more exciting. You could maybe try something that you have not tried yet....make love in a different room, role playing, stuff like that. If you have done all that already how about making your own movie.....it can be very exciting taping your love making session....just erase the tape after if you are worried that someone may find it. Another thing you could try is giving him a show...tell him to sit in a chair and that he can not do ANYTHING until YOU tell him he can. Start to pleasure yourself......and if you can time it just right....just before you climax tell him to come over beside you and give him a BJ....try to climax together.....bottom line is as long as you BOTH get pleasure from what you are doing that is all that matters. Use your imagination when trying to think of new things to do.
Best of luck.

Answer 4

Honestly, hollywood is just that- movie land, fictional, botox, implants, personal trainers, millions of dollars.....you get the point. There is no reason to compare yourself to that. You would be miserable if everything you saw on TV you felt you had to have, or had to be. Even reality shows aren't all real!

Here's the true question- when you make love, does it feel good? Are you and your husband satisfied? Are you happy in your relationship?

Things settle down....the sparks that were there before are just different now. Before you were wild and at it, now it's more of a connection thats soft and sweet. Feeling his body close to yours and having him hold you is what makes it wonderful.

Have you considered asking him? If you feel embarrassed, why not ask him while you're in bed together- the lights will be off and you won't have to look him straight in the eye- you can just ask him if he is still happy with you...and you can discuss what might make things better. He may be wanting more and maybe you do to (?)

Just be honest and open. Good luck.

Answer 5

Many factors can lead to a decrease in sexual activity. Stress is the main factor--kids, money, the job and just being plain tired. Also , he may be starting to have a physical problem such as E.D. If you notice this aspect, you need to discuss it with him , tell him it is normal and there are meds the doctor can give him.
We went thru a period in our late 40's. One of the kids moved back with her kids, and it was very stressfull. We took a weekend to get away and well whoopie.
So sit down and talk it over, it can only help the situation. Also, add a little spice to the relationship, dirty movies, toys, try positions, often times you will wind up laughing and having a really good relaxed time .

Answer 6

Well, I’m about you age, my wife is 7 years younger (she is on her 20s). We have been together for a long time (almost 10 years), got married not too long ago, but have been living together for over 5 years (and doing married life as well).

I know that as years go by, the sex drive will go from “overdrive” (teenagers), to drive, and them 2nd, then 1st… then Viagra… LOL you know what I mean.

Is hard to tell at what age happens what as each of us is different and unique. But also there is a small contradiction on that rule and that is you women. Women can be seen more like overdrive, then jump into 2nd gear for some years, and then all the sudden a jump back to drive and even overdrive.

This is because women has different changes in their bodies compared to men. You might be right now into your “top season” or overdrive (or maybe just drive to keep the same comparison), so is logical for you to start wondering about sex and your sexual life as your husband is definitely not in overdrive anymore.

I am amazed that you guys actually didn’t have sex until you got married. I admire you, but is not my style. I believe on getting to know very well your soul mate before you engage into a matrimony and possibly have children soon after. This is the reason why I was living with my wife (my fiancé back then) for some years.

We shared a real married life; we had our own bank accounts, but still would share the money. It helped us realize who we were dating for real, and made our love grow stronger, and the relation became “mature”. When we got married, we did it just for the paper, but in our hearts we were married long time ago.

And that included sex of course. We made love and had crazy sex all the time we could, and if I think today how we were 5 years ago, I can tell we have learned a lot about our sexual life too.

As for you, if you have been married for 13 years already, then you two should know even better each other than my wife and I. So you two should know what you like, what you don’t like, and how to excite each other.

I wouldn’t compare myself to a porno star from the movies. Those people are experts on what they do. And believe me, half of what you see is been edited. If you watch a cheap porno movie, you will see how the guy misses her many times and his dick slips out of her… LOL. They are humans just like you and me, is just the magic behind the camera that makes it look better. And if you wonder, no, 90% of those girls never c u m for real, is all fake. And as for the guys, the c u m scenes are usually prepared. Sometimes they happen later on after the finished all the taping, and even many times the guy requests for many people to leave as they get nervous and can not really c u m.

So again, don’t compare to them. Just take ideas from the movies, buy books, go to the porno store (try to go to a big one that has lots of toys and clothes and costumes). Those stores have lots of interesting things. And don’t go by yourself, go with your husband. I go with my wife many times when we are “bored” and want to try something new. Or if you are shy, then browse online and shop there. You can actually find better prices there, and weird stuff also that you won’t on most stores.

And last, make sure you communicate with your husband. Communication and understanding are the key to a good healthy relation. Be honest and let him know how you feel. Just don’t hurt him, be careful how you tell him, and let him know you want to spice up your sexual life and don’t be just an “ordinary” couple.

Hope this helps.

Good luck, and have lots of fun in bed!

Answer 7

Sure you're not my clone? I'm 34, my husband is 40, and we got married in August of 1993 when I was 20 and he was almost 27. We were both virgins on the wedding night.

What you see in the movies is what Hollywood wants you to see. Your average couple probably thinks they don't measure up to what's seen on the screen. Hollywood isn't about being realistic.

As long as you and hubby are satisfied with each other, that's what counts!

Answer 8

do u both feel comfortable with your sex life? answer that and u have your answer....secondly do the two of u discuss it at all....do u know all that he desires? are u sure? does he know all your desires? is he sure that he knows all your desires? do u tell him? have u ever?a good sexual realtionship is actually very important ....dont listen to every one tell u it isnt...when u start thinking it isnt, u wake up to find your partner has been having an affair for years..not that you arent loved...just there is more sexual experience to be had.Make sure he is content..make damn sure...then let him Know u are content...and if u arent..make sure he knows that too and try to figure a way to make u content...cosmopolitan says its your responsabilty.However dont dictate your beliefs on what u have seen in the movies the are not only rehearsed but also edited...they do depict some realism but not in the most common of ways...you two should discus eachother wants needs and beliefs

Answer 9

There is no *normal*. Your sex life is not a contest. As long as you and you husband are both happy the don't worry what other people are doing. If you are bored you might want to have a chat and see what changes you would both like to make.

Answer 10

You sound satisfied and that's what is important. You also have a blessing that many people don't. My husband and I now wish we had been virgins together. And, no we're not swinging from the chandeliers anymore either, but we're quite happy.