Is it a good idea to buy a 2 family house with my mother in law?

Question

I am 30 years old and have been married for 5 years. My husband doesn't see anything wrong with buying a 2 family house with his mother. I put my foot down and said absolutely not. Now my mother in law and I aren't speaking. He wants to "help" his mother, but I feel like he can help her without having to live together. Should I feel guilty about saying no?

Answer 1

Absolutely not, granted I do not know the full set up here. If its a financial situation and the mother in law has agreed to help out and if she is one of those sweet old ladies who only wants the best for you two, then maybe.

However, if she is anything like my mother in law and I would rather get hit by a car then talk with her, then I would not buy a house with her. I wouldn't even buy a pack of gum with her. You life is your life and a meddling mother in law will only hurt your relationship. Family is meant to go home after a visit not just say goodnight and close the door. You need time for yourself.

good luck

Answer 2

Is your mother-in-law elderly, having problems, can't drive, and has no other children? The reality of life is that as parents age, they will need our help, just as we needed their help when we were children.

This arrangement can work, if there are boundaries and everyone respects everybody and their privacy. The fact that it's a two family house means you don't actually live with each other, but rather "next door to each other". And yet, it will give your husband and his mother peace of mind to know that they are nearby if there's a problem. If the three of you are able to sit and discuss this arrangement, your fears and concerns, pluses and minuses, it could help to clear the air.

Perhaps, the three of you can set up some ground rules: doors stay locked, no dropping in without calling first or getting invited over, don't assume things or take each other for granted, ask first, schedule a night on a regular basis to visit each other. If there are issues, you discuss them with your husband and then he handles his mother; and the same if your mother in law has a problem, she is to discuss it with him, and he can discuss it with you. If there's a difference, your husband should choose you over his mother.

But, he will also love you and appreciate you more if you don't make him feel torn between you and his mother, and try to do what you can to allow him to love you both. Just because we get married, it doesn't mean we stop loving our family, especially our mothers, who gave us life.

And remember, the time may come when someone in your family may also need your help, and you wouldn't want your husband to prevent you from helping them.

Answer 3

No, it's a bad idea; if you can't get along with her well now, what do you think when all of you move in together in close proximity, and everyone's idiosyncrasies will be aired out and figured out; it's hard enough to get along with one person in life, your spouse, and then add to the mix?
If you get along well with her and are good friends with her, then thats another story, but it can still turn sour in the marriage and with the in-laws in a heartbeat if there's ever any disagreement. It looks like it's already turning bad and you haven't even moved in yet!
Why shake things up now? Your husband chose to marry you, not his mother. Time for him to cut the apron strings and cleave to his wife, not his mommy.
And you're right he can help her without having to be her little boy again. Who's bright idea was this for her to get that kind of "help" anyway? No you should not feel guilty for wanting to help her without destroying your marriage in the process.

Answer 4

Well, I think you are seeing this from one angle. Who says you have to live in the other apartment of the house. Your husband can buy the home, have his mother live in one apartment and then rent out the other. It actually sounds like a good way to help his mother and it a good investment. The rent you make from the other individuals living in the second portion of the home, can cover the mortgage. In addition, if your mother-in-law moves out; you can rent both apartments and make extra money for your hubby and you.

Sounds like a win-win situation.

Answer 5

NOOOOOOOOOOOO its not a good idea i think you will not have your privace there will be conflick between your marrage it s very heard to have a relationship with someone else always hanging around their are benefits but at what expense defently don't do it please don't feel gulty you did nothing wrong your a devoted wife that probably would do anything for your husband but you have every right to stand your ground this is your life and you don't have to share it with mommie dearest if you don't want to think of it as if you do it youll devorce if you don't you will have desputes about it untill he can understand were your comming from save your marrage no one can get mad at you for protecting your family
hell get over it and if he cant i say good luck

Answer 6

nope..you obviously have your reasons...i'm assuming that if your relationship was peachy this question wouldn't be asked...your husband needs to understand that his first obligation is his family meaning you and your children (if you have any)...as you said, he can support his mom, but not under the same roof, especially if this is going to create friction between you 2...

you should talk to him about it, but when you are both in a good mood. don't have the conversation from an emotional angle, he is going to block you out...tell him to look at it from a third party view along with you and try to come to a reasonable solution..

your mother in law needs to grow up...she already lived her life, now she wants to suck the blood out of her son...if i was in your shoes, the way i would handle her is by writing her a letter, since she doesn't want to speak to you. don't attack her but, explain your side. and the reasons why but do it as polished as you can. if she is used to getting her way with her kid, then she is going to do her best. let her know that you in no way are trying to take his support way from her, but she needs to understand that he is married and married people live alone, not with their in-laws (well most of them). make sure that you point out as many good things as you can about her, and let her know how much you care, but that you don't feel that this would be the best living arrangement for your marriage to continue to grow.

once she gets that letter. she can do whatever she wants with it. you may not get a response, you may get a negative one, but hopefully, she will see what you are trying to say and stop being a baby.

hope it all works out the way you want it to

and no, you shouldn't feel guilty, you are being normal

Answer 7

Whats the matter with helping out his mother , would you not want to help your mother out if you could?
It sound selfish, and this is coming from a man who wont have his mother or mother in law live with him!

Answer 8

NOOOOOOO! undesirable concept! in case you already sense that they are in a position to be overwhelming and opinionated, it is going to multiply with the help of 1000 situations in case you reside in a 2 kinfolk residing. Your marriage would be under great stress. this additionally would be no longer hassle-free interior the ideal relationship. they are going to quickly be butting in in each element of your marriage and your undesirable husband would be caught precise interior the middle having to take facets between his mum and dad and you! the strain would be great for all of you. they are in a position to take the money they get from the apartment and purchase a cellular residing house or seek for somethng that purely desires a splash care. As for you and your husband, it would be extra ideal in case you in basic terms saved for some years. attempt to speculate a splash money is something which will strengthen. that's extra ideal to attend than to possibility being depressing and residing under a stress including your inlaws. have faith me, this won't artwork!

Answer 9

Besides the obvious reasons to not buy with her(privacy for one)there is another issue to contnd with...did you know...let's just say you went along with it...half of the house is hers with HER name on the deed,correct? HER children, if she has others other than your husband,are ENTITLED to her share of the house should she die...think about that one and be very careful of what you get yourself into.

Answer 10

yes u should feel guilty, what if it was your mother u wanted to help and he said no...and dont act like it isnt the same thing it is....if he want s to help his mother that way then got through with it...for better or for worse.....he will realize his own mistake if it is one and he will fix it.