I know that I have liked you
I think I might have loved you too
It should have clearly been black and white
that this was not ever right
It makes me real sad
to think of what we have not had
You and me
were never meant to be.
2007-03-23 15:03:53 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Oh.... It sounds sad. Is your heartbroken, I wonder...? I think it's really good. It rhymes and it makes sense, unlike some poems I have read, including some of my own. I hope that you really aren't sad though, like the poem. It is very good though, overall.
2007-03-23 15:11:14 · answer #1 · answered by Mailman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a good poem clearly wrote with feeling. I think there needs to be some adjustments on these lines
It should have clearly been black and white
that this was not ever right
It was always clear
that this was never right
Couldn't help but fight it , love would be denied
2007-03-23 22:24:48 · answer #2 · answered by phylobri 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same problems as with the other poem. Read them aloud. They need adjustments to flow better. Your meter is off. Pax - C.
2007-03-23 22:09:55 · answer #3 · answered by Persiphone_Hellecat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Touching sentiment, the stuff of classic romantic poetry - but very poorly executed. Please study up on poetic devices and techniques, starting with meter. See the definition of "meter" on this page for a starting point:
http://www.poeticbyway.com/gl-m.html
You can find everything else you need to know about poetry on this site, too. Good luck!
2007-03-23 22:19:59 · answer #4 · answered by Husker41 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first two lines are very good, the rest of the rhyming sound very forced. i like the black and white idea though....but try to get a rhythm, more even.....
hmm this is a dark topic....but i like the way you're backing into this....
great start.
2007-03-23 22:10:44 · answer #5 · answered by YY 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A wonderful realization process put into simplistic words. Don't be sad about what wasn't / isn't..... Be happy and thankful you know / knew the difference!
2007-03-23 22:12:16 · answer #6 · answered by Izen G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you are missing someone.
not bad though, buts thats a Brit approach
2007-03-23 22:13:50 · answer #7 · answered by welllaners 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thought is meaningful; the "structure" isn't very good, in my opinion.
2007-03-23 22:08:32 · answer #8 · answered by guitarjas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See my comment on your other poem.
2007-03-23 22:06:08 · answer #9 · answered by Jessica Rabbit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm. boring.use some metaphors
2007-03-23 22:10:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋