About 3 years ago I was having some problems with my b/f, call him Jim, and I talked to a guy friend of mine about it a lot, we'll call him Chad. I broke up with Jim and got together with Chad.
He made me realize a lot of things about myself that I needed to find out, and we really got along great and had a lot of chemistry. I realized after a little while that I still loved Jim, so I broke it off with Chad and went back to Jim - Who is now my husband.
Chad's b-day is coming up and I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me and thank him for everything he did for me, but I'm not sure if I should. Jim never really liked Chad, but I'm not looking to really reconnect with him, I just want him to know I still think he's a good guy, and that he meant a lot to me (and still does), cuz we didn't really end things on good terms (he said he still loved me when I left, and he was pretty hurt).
So, I'm pretty much asking - What does everyone think I should do?
2007-03-23 15:00:32 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
No you shouldn't, sounds like the guy has been through enough, and he shouldn't have to be reminded of it again. I'm sure he's been hurt enough by you and its unfair to him and very selfish of you to contact him.
Sorry to be harsh, but you asked
2007-03-23 15:12:06 · answer #1 · answered by Ron H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you call Chad then you are opening up that part of his life that was painful for him. I would ask yourself , are you doing this for selfish reasons (make yourself feel better about the situation ect) or are you doing it for Chad's feelings? Maybe a bit of both? I think it's OK as long as you are doing it only because of Chad's feelings, but keep in mind that your hubby probably won't like it so much and if he doesn't you should respect that. And I wouldn't hide it from your hubby either because if you have to hide it , it means you shouldn't be doing it. A simple letter or email.. but if i were you I wouldn't even do it. You're not sure where he stands or how this will feel for him, probably bad anyway you put it. Because he lost someone he loved, and now they are thanking him for that? Ouch.. I'd drop it.
2007-03-23 22:08:23 · answer #2 · answered by Lustral 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yikes.Tough one. I left things with my ex in really good terms too. And I'm now married but every so often, I also get that urge that you're talking about. Like, I wanna look him up and just say: "Hey, how are things?"
But at the same time, I'm afraid, that might stir up some old feelings. So I guess, in order to make sure I never put myself in that position, I always resist the urge to look him up. So, question is: How bad is your urge? And can you handle the feelings that will come with it?
2007-03-23 22:07:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well most would say follow your heart and do what it tells you, but here's the thing if you follow your heart and tells you to contact the ex that your husband doesn't like what is that going to do to your relationship with your husband? Don't mess up a good thing talk to your husband about it, see what he thinks and feels about it and go from there. But in all honesty if your married you shouldn't be thinking about anyone but your husband leave the past where it is, in the past.
2007-03-23 22:13:06 · answer #4 · answered by Marie A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let sleeping dogs lie, honey. you're married now, and just imagine how hurt your husband (who should be your #1 priority) will be. marriage and trust are serious business. i'm sure chad is doing fine. after 3 years, i'm sure he's moved on. don't go looking for trouble.
2007-03-23 22:31:36 · answer #5 · answered by bad guppy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say just let him be for now, what until he contacts you. If he was really hurt like you say, he may just consider it a slap in the face for you to call him and remind him of everything he has probably been tryingo forget.
Good luck
2007-03-23 22:08:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you love your husband you will lve chad alone. whats done is done.this is a man you had sex. with your husband would not be happy about that. so just let it be unless you still have fillings for him.and if you do thin you should have not married him.
2007-03-23 22:11:08 · answer #7 · answered by alifsmother@verizon.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this contact your wanting to make is more for yourself than ..ummm chad. do him a favor and leave him alone. dont hurt him over again by contacting him. its a sweet gesture but it wont benefit and will only hurt. good luck.
2007-03-23 22:06:43 · answer #8 · answered by bigmommy240 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him alone/it might start something again if not in ur mind but his and if ur any kind of awant to be faithfull and honest wife then if u call him let ur husband in on it so u wont be sneaking behind his back and cause problems down the road and believe me it will especially if ur husband didnt lk hm
2007-03-23 22:08:32 · answer #9 · answered by kyfixedit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go there... us men are strange creatures. We never get the hints that you try to give us and when something is done out of the goodness of your heart... believe me, we'll take it the wrong way.
2007-03-23 22:06:36 · answer #10 · answered by Troy K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋