I am a single woman, I have been dating a guy that has been separated from his wife for almost a year now. We are really happy, but one thing is really hurting me. His wife won't let his kids around me. He is going through the divorce now, so I am not worried about him going back to her, but it is so hard that for a year now, I haven't been able to see his kids or get to know them. Whenever he is with them, I can't be there. He is afraid to confront her on this. Am I crazy for being upset and hurt?
2007-03-23 14:26:22 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's the "downside " to dating a man that is not yet legally divorced. He is still "married ", so his wife can forbid you being around the children. Don't worry, the year is almost up, and then you can be around them.
2007-03-23 14:31:47 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you aren't crazy... you do however need to understand his problem in all of this... Not being legally divorced, his wife can cause a lot of headaches for him, and in the end the two of you, if he doesn't tread lightly.
Separation is a very tricky time... and I think you'll find that even after the divorce is final, things will take time to work themselves out with the kids.
I wish I had better news for you, but when it comes to children... a parent (man or woman) can really never be too care full in there own mind.
2007-03-23 21:44:36 · answer #2 · answered by Troy K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, but on some level I kind of understand where she is coming from. She doesn't know you, (I'm guessing) and may even see you as the "other woman" or the one who "stole her man" (even if they were already separated by the time you came along) She probably had the idea that they were taking a time out and would eventually get back together. Would you want to leave your babies with somebody you don't know? maybe you should try talking to her woman to woman. If not don't worry, once the divorce goes through I'm sure he'll have visitation rights and there wont be much she can do about it.
2007-03-23 21:34:25 · answer #3 · answered by queenb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His wife is really hurt about the seperation and break up of her marriage if you ask me. She is hurt that he has another woman in his life and she is just lashing out and you have to understand that and where she is coming from with this one. Her children is all she has left from this relationship and marriage and she is clinging on to and holding on to them and does not want another woman in their lives right now. She will need time to heal and get past some of the pain and wait at least until the divorce is final to even begin to let things start to go. Over time she will get used to him being with you and then she may adjust and someday you will get to know and meet the kids. Did he leave his wife and marriage for you if i may ask? Does she think you are the reason for the breakup and her husband divorcing her? I understand you are upset and hurt BUT so is she.
2007-03-23 21:56:35 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is protecting her kids. Even if you have been dating for a year, who is to say that you guys will end up together. So I wouldn't let my kids be a part of some-body's life when you are not certain what the outcome maybe. I wouldn't introduce my kids or have my kids be a part of some-body's life unless its serious. Also, you have the whole divorce thing, he's technically still married and I'm sure she feels like crap that your w/him and she's not. It kinda bursts your bubble to see somebody happy when your not. Be patient, offer your boyfriend support and don't make a big fuzz over this matter.
2007-03-23 22:19:27 · answer #5 · answered by ING 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, I'm with the wife. Until you and your boyfriend make a commitment it is best to leave the kids out of your relationship. Divorce is HARD on kids and seeing dad date just makes it worse. Kids are stupid and they don't buy the "this is my friend" stuff. I know it must be hard not to share in this huge aspect of your BF life, but the kids have to come first.
2007-03-23 22:36:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see both sides, they are his kids so if he wants you to see them, he would let you be around them, but I also she the wife's side too, it may not be appropriate for you to meet the kids until they are officially divorced, I mean that is only fair. Those kids are going through so much with their parents not being together, but to throw in another woman especially when he isn't single yet. Just step back, and believe me you will be around them soon enough. And then when you are around them you are going to be wishing they were with their mother!
2007-03-23 21:57:16 · answer #7 · answered by Vegas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, but there's nothing you can do about this. They have their own problems to sort out and learn that it wasn't their fault. She doesn't think you know how much of an *** he is, and truthfully, its something you have thought about, too.
Still, you must see something nice in him, just like his children do. Give it time. You might even ask them sometime, why their mother hates you, when you don't hate her.
That is IF AND ONLY IF you are not the reason he's getting a divorce.
2007-03-23 21:36:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look at it from HER view:
You are the "rebound" woman. You likely won't last (or so she hopes).
She does not want her kids to become attached to somebody who isn't going to be there for all their lives. For a child, Dad's GFs coming & going can be very traumatic, and their Mom is just trying to protect them from that.
It is nothing against YOU, but against Daddy's girlfriend---who won't be around very long in Mom's eyes.
Sorry, but she is being smart---she has no way to trust you at this point. Only time can change her mind.
2007-03-23 22:14:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not even divorced!! Why should she let you spend time with her kids?? As soon as he proposes marriage and you've set a date (and he's legally divorced) then you should get to know his kids. Until then... you're just the woman he sleeps with.
2007-03-23 21:31:10 · answer #10 · answered by FuzzyPinkBathrobe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋