My friend's having a huge problem- and I feel guilty for it.?

Question

I have a friend, and she's really, really sad. Her mom leaves for work early on Fridays, and she had called my friend- but my friend was asleep, and her phone was in her bag. So she didn't know. Later on after school, her mom called again, but my friend thought it was one of her friends, so she didn't answer because she was angry at the friend. Then, she checked just in case- and her mom had called. So she called back and got in huge trouble for not answering the phone after school and in the morning. I just came home from her house, and she was crying.

She told me that her mom threw her phone away, saying she talked to ME too much. Her mom canceled her violin lessons, and her violin lessons mean so much to her. She told me that she had said, "Mom, I really need those lessons." And the mom said, "Well, why don't you get lessons from Esther? Maybe she can tutor you." I'm Esther. Her mom is always comparing me and her. That I'm smarter, etc. Can I help her somehow?

I'm on the same level actually- just not on the studying. She's Pre-AP, I'm GT. The mom asks her, "Why aren't you in GT," or whatever. The pressure's too hard for her- her mom expects her to be perfect. My parents think I'm perfect, their wonderful little daughter.

But her mom thinks that the reason why my friend didn't answer the phone was because I'm always talking to her. I feel like it's my fault.

Answer 1

you shouldnt feel quilty,,,,,, its your friend and her moms problem,,,,,, they need to work out a calling plan/time, yes i am sure her mother was upset and worried when she didnt answer the phone,,,,,, i suggest she sit down and discuss this with her mother,,,,,, and if her mother gets her another phone, she could perhaps agree to keep it near her, and to answer it, when her mother is away,,,,
maybe the mom is just over reacting to this one time situation, but perhaps it hasnt been a one time thing,,,,,,,, maybe its happened before,,,,,,,,
her mother , due to being so upset, may of said things she really doesnt believe, we all tend to do that sometimes,,,,,,
also, keep in mind that you are only hearing the friends side of it, unless you have personally talked to the mom,,,,,,, there may be alot more going on behind the surface then you know
i can say, that as a mother, its very difficult to focus on work (which you have to do, as your family needs the paycheck),,,,, when you are concerned about your daughter, afraid something happened, or she overslept and didnt go to school,,,,, all kinds of thoughts can go threw your head, (did someone break in the home, was she kidnapped, in an accident etc etc ) yet you cant just leave work and go home to check!
so do try to see both sides, and help your friend try to see her mothers point of view,,,,, i am sure her mother loves her,,,,
as i said, if comments were made about you,,,,, they most likely were said out of anger and fear,,,,,,, as in,, well , she can talk with you on the phone, yet not answer for her mom! i am not saying its right,,,,,, but as a mother i can understand the feeling,,,,,,, after all,, the mother is paying for the phone ,,,, and the violin lessons,,,, and no, its not just about money, but the mother has a right , since she is providing extras,,,,,,,to expect things in return,,,,, lessons are an extra, a want, not really a need,,,, of course, part of the problem is perhaps they didnt have a system in place, as i said, a time for the mom to call,,,,,, or for the daughter to call,,,,,
as her friend, talk with her,,,, try to get her to understand her moms view,,,,,, once she can do that,, maybe she can get her mom to understand her ,
its not complicated, just ask her to imagine going to work, every day, buying her mom a phone and providing lessons, besides the basic food , clothing etc, then her mom talked to friends on that phone,,, yet when she called, no answer, and she was worried about her moms safety, and responsible for her,,,,,,,,,
remind your friend, it could be much worse, when my daughter as a teen stopped following my rules,,,, and i didnt feel secure in leaving her alone while i worked, i stopped working! then lessons, phones,, cable tv etc etc, were not an issue, as there simply was no money for any of those type things,, yet my daughter straightened out, i didnt have a heart attack due to worry,,, and things worked out,,,,

Answer 2

Even though you feel guilty, it's not your fault. First of all, you and your friend were just talking on the phone a lot because you're obviously very good friends. But,I mean, if you and your friend were using up all of her minutes, that's a different situation. But, it's alright, don't feel like it's your fault. Oh, and by the way, I'm very sure you and your friend are on the same page about this problem.

Answer 3

Her Mother needs to do some growing up herself. Canceling her Violin lessons was very childish. Just continue to be her friend and support her. She really needs a good friend right now.

Answer 4

That's tough. You could sit down and have a heart to heart with her mom and explain what is going on or send her an email so it would be easier!

Answer 5

tell the girls mom 2 get a grip and mayb she wont think so highly of u but seriously that moms got a problem

Answer 6

you need to still be her friend maybe her mom will just get a grip one day and decide to love her daugter,who is her own flesh and blood.her mom will soon realize one day that her daugter herself not you or anybody else