I have a deep belief, very very deep, that no matter what, it's always better to be the older person, the wiser, if someone breaks my heart I would forgive and never ever try to get revenge, etc... I think it's strength and not weakness to do so.. My mom tells me I'm naive and says that I will probably fail all my relationships with me because I'm "naive". She says it's good to be good, but too good is bad, and sometimes you should not forgive.
What's your opinion about this? I myself am convinced I'm right, not stupid and will always be what I am. But what is YOUR standing point or your attitude when it comes to problems with others or getting hurt?
2007-03-23 13:00:43 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
correction : FAIL ALL MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN (not fail all my relationships with me :)
2007-03-23 13:01:37 · update #1
BY THE WAY I AM A GIRL
2007-03-23 13:08:30 · update #2
Listen to your mom, she knows you better than we do and she cares a whole helluva lot more. That's why we have mommies, they look out for us.
2007-03-30 13:48:13 · answer #1 · answered by lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, your mom sure was harsh. Something tells me she isn't in a loving relationship herself, or she'd have had some better advice for you.
The truth is though, that she's partly right. While it's always good to learn from your mistakes, it's even better to learn to make fewer mistakes in the first place. And the experiences you have in life are mostly for that one purpose, to show you what works and what doesn't, so that you can make wiser decisions in the future. A part of that is not going back for more when you've been hurt, lied to, cheated on, disrespected, beaten, treated badly, etc. Forgiving someone who has shown you nothing but contempt isn't wise or generous or kind hearted. It's stupid. It's burning your hand in the fire and then sticking it right back in, thinking that the fire will somehow be cold this time. And besides, when you allow someone to treat you badly, they lose even more respect for you, and treat you even worse. A good indicator of how a person will act in the future is how they have acted in the past.
There is a happy medium between naive and jaded. Shoot for that and you'll be just fine.
Good luck.
2007-03-28 18:19:45 · answer #2 · answered by Vix 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is strength to be able to forgive. You will fail at relationships with people who aren't as forgiving as you, but when you meet someone who holds your same values, it will last. You are alot better off in the long run taking the higher ground. Having hate and anger in your heart is not good emotionally or physically. You have been and will get stepped on by people, but it won't affect you as much as it would a lower person.
I don't know if you're talking about a marriage or what. But If a husband beats you on a regular basis or is otherwise abusive, or cheats on you constantly: you have to know what is best for yourself. You don't have to be angry at the other person, instead just walk away with your dignity intact. I wouldn't use the contract of marriage as an excuse to endure constant emotional or physical pain. If you are talking about anything besides these kinds of problems, you're probably right.
2007-03-31 19:35:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you are a glass half full type of person. I personally do not see anything wrong with that, however, that kind of attitude may lead to you getting hurt along the line. When you trust too much, people may take advantage of you. If you continually forgive, you will get hurt. Just imagine if you had a boyfriend/husband that cheated on you, over and over and over again. And, you kept saying it was ok and that you forgave him. Why would he ever stop if he knew you would forgive him. You would be his stable person, but he could go and mess around with you knowing that you would still take him back. I think your mom means you are naive in that you think people are generally good and that you should forgive them. However, there are some things that you cannot forgive, especially if it is repeated bad behavior. Or destructive behavior. Imagine getting beat whenever someone was upset, would you still forgive them for beating you? Over and over again? I think that seeing the world and the people in it is a nice thought you need to realize that there are going to be people who will take advantage of that, which may just hurt you in the end.
2007-03-23 20:07:59 · answer #4 · answered by Melanie P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom may say that but you are right to have the attitude you do. The sad thing is that it will get harder to forgive as you have more experience. Somehow, as you get older, the stakes go up. People can really do some horrible things in relationships and it can be almost impossible to forgive them. For sure, it truly is impossible to forget. So enjoy this attitude now and always strive to keep it but don't berate yourself for struggling to forgive. Some things are pretty heinous.
2007-03-28 12:58:20 · answer #5 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your right. I say that it's a sad state of society when phrases like "nice guys finish last" are oh too common. What ever happened to the one about forgive and forget? Anyways keep up the good work
2007-03-31 15:56:07 · answer #6 · answered by tarakootenay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your mom is right sometimes you do have to hold your guns and not forgive.I had a friend who got mad at me for turning off my phone and not answering his call when my aunt was at the hospital dying.When you always forgive people they start to take you for granted.They expect to come first and never understand when you want time for yourself.Good luck and remember that your feelings come first.
2007-03-30 09:41:33 · answer #7 · answered by Heather T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that being to nice is bad you have to have some kind of point you know than again at the same time you are at peace with yourself do what feels right for you and ignore what others think of you but, try not to be that nice
2007-03-23 20:05:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
theres a point where your getting walked all over and you need to assert yourself, it's good to forgive just as long as you walk away and not go back to that person because then you have no self respect and that is not attractive at all.
2007-03-23 20:17:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me you have very high ethics. These are a rare thing these days stick with your beliefs and you will find some one with the same
2007-03-23 20:05:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋