So, I have been with my boyfriend for three and a half years. We are both divorced and each have one child. He is older than me (im 26 he's 40) but we have a lot in common and are a complimentary pair. The problem is, I am ready for the next level of committment, and it seems like he isn't. We talk about it, and he says we will get engaged within the year (married within three), but I just don't feel confident that it will happen. It seems to me that after spending 3-5 of 7 days out of the week together over three years that you should know either YES or NO, as to whether you want to be with someone? Advice as to what to do....etc....is greatly appreciated.
2007-03-23 12:56:17 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe he's just not ready to marry again. The best thing that you can do is to not force the issue.
2007-03-23 13:02:32 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband and I lived together for 10 years before we got married. I was 29 when we met, he was 34. The year we had our 10 year "anniversary" I told him: "In March we'll have been together 10 years and in September I'll be 40. That's as long as I'm going to wait." We got married on my 40th birthday.
Honestly though, if you are happy together, the way things are, a piece of paper isn't going to make a difference. In some instances it won't make things better, but instead will make them worse. I'm not so sure now, after almost eight years of being married, that we wouldn't have been better off in the long run just cohabitating.
2007-03-23 20:06:55 · answer #2 · answered by Jo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sure hear what you are saying, and you have to decide if marriage, and a home together, is the deal buster, hon. Because if you draw the line in the sand, and tell the guy you wish marriage by___________, and he refuses, then, sweetie, it is over, and you have to walk away, and at 26, that would be no big deal to you ----- there are tons of guys out there for you.
So my questions back to you is: Is it a deal buster, or are you willing to go on like this for the next decade? And don't think it doesn't happen.... I've met people who stayed for YEARS, and wished marriage and never got. One guy I met stayed with a lady for 13!!!!!! He finally woke up and left.
So, is it a deal-buster? Only you can decide. Maybe a statement such as this:
"Bill. In no way do I see my life without you in it. All I see when I look into the future is "us" and the children we have. But I also wish marriage, because to me it says things like, "we are a team" "I am there for you, and you for me.". If this is not where this is going, by________ then you need to tell me now, so that I can get used to the idea of finding someone else. And as these months have passed, the desire is becoming stronger that I be married. And if it is not going to be with you, it will be with another, and I will leave when the desire for marriage is stronger than the desire to just be with you. If I don't hear from you in ______ I will assume that you prefer me not in your life as your wife, and that I am free to begin again...." And then you leave hon, and the ball is in his court.... but like I said, when you draw the line, it is indeed over, because you will have changed your relationship forever.
2007-03-23 20:05:37 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hes gun shy or woman shy . Guess you will have to make it look like a blessing in his eyes marriage is hell . I know I'm divorced and run when the question is poppet to me. Good luck
2007-03-23 20:06:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably got taken to the cleaners last time and now knows how the game is played quite well.
2007-03-23 20:06:06 · answer #5 · answered by Jimmy Sn. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋