my husbands brother lives with us, lets call him Tom, he is 27 and my hubby is almost 26. Well Tom has some issue's (mental) which dont allow him to be able to live on his own (although he has in the past). He is however able to work (but will only work part-time) use a computer to chat with girls, use a cell phone and the best of all go to strip clubs.
i am on the verge of leaving my hubby because his brother is always the 3rd person. he is always in the middle of our problems, actually he is the reason why we fight. because i want him out and my hubby says NO. When we argue about his brother i get yelled at, pushed around, insulted, whatever it takes to defend his brother.
As 2 grown people living as a married couple who should be the one to stay? Me because we are married? or his brother becuase they are blood
We get no support from the parents of Tom, they are both re-married and wont take him in.
2007-03-23 12:18:16 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When he married you, he promised to "forsake all others". There's your answer. His brother should go...you should stay! You're his wife!!
2007-03-23 12:22:48 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, honey, but if you do not come first in the marriage, you have no marriage...you are the 3rd wheel, not the brother. Your husband has made it very clear to you. Things are not going to change. IF this situation existed when you got married, you knew what you were getting into. If not, one or the other must go. It would seem that it will be you. So stop wasting precious time...it runs out sooner than you think...and get on with your life as a HAPPY single. You are in a situation that is making you miserable...and that is YOUR fault, not your husbands. He has made it clear. Now it is your choice. Stop with the fighting that gets no where. Pack or stay, but stop with the bellyaching...it serves NO purpose what so ever. I would leave, that is just me. I know there is life beyond the divorce, you don't . But there is a big world out there of people who are waiting for you...people who will respect YOU first. You are not getting that respect, and without respect, love turns to hate quite quickly. sorry to be so gloomy, but if you are being truthful, you already know the answer. Stop wasting time.
2007-03-23 12:25:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly that is a tough one.
I very much understand that you want a life with your hubby. I can also see why he would want to look after his brother.
Do you think you two could sit down and find a practical solution that would be agreeable to both of you? (hubby with you on a part time basis, who else could be involved, rules about time/places for you and hubby only, whatever it takes)?
At the end of the day it all depends on willingness to make it work and ability to discuss the issue. Take it as a challenge your couple is facing: if it does not kill it, it makes it stronger. Makes sense? Good luck.
2007-03-23 12:34:13 · answer #3 · answered by Claire 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're absolutely right. If Tom needs a hand for a while, like UP TO six months, thats fine. But if he's Living there for good, that's caca. I'd be flipping tables over by now. You are completely right and I'm floored that your husband doesn't see it.
Sadly, maybe you should seperate for a little while. Not only because of the brother, but because of the way your H treats you when you bring it up. It gives me the heebs, what you said.
2007-03-23 12:24:51 · answer #4 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The brother needs to leave, your husband is not obligated to provide a home for him. I don't understand what "mental" problems "Tom" has that would prevent him from living on his own other than the fact that he seems too lazy to get a fulltime job so that he could pay for his own place. Tom is an adult and as such is responsible for HIMSELF. Your husband is responsible for taking care of his part of your marriage not taking care of Tom.
2007-03-23 12:27:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course they won't take him in. Why should they... they have you and your husband, and you are both fools. (But you're getting smarter.....)
This would be a no brainer for me, hon. I married one man, not one man and a baby sitter to another. I as a wife deserve to have my own house. And I deserve to have my wishes fulfilled.
You are in a deal-buster situation, sweetie. It appears to be you, or this brother. Choose you. Leave, file for divorce, and find someone who doesn't come bonded at the waist with a brother. Nice idea, to care for a brother, but let him do it
If you and your husband own the house together, decide how to split your estate. If he wants it, fine. If you want it, and he does as well, make each other an offer. But hon, you asked, and goddamn, in no way, would I stay...... In fact, I'd be running for the door. Life is just tooooo short to spend it in an absolutely impossible situation. From your note, this is as bad as a crowded marriage.
2007-03-23 12:37:54 · answer #6 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sympathize with your dilemma. It has to be hard for your husband being put in the middle of this. He loves both of you. Where would he go if not with you? There are homes out there for the mentally challenged. You would have to get your husband to agree to something like that however. You should come first because you are supposed to be as one when you become married. What would you do if it were your family?
2007-03-23 12:26:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is incredible! I can't believe that you are treated in this manner. Your husband married you so he should throw his sorry a** brother out!!! If he doesn't I think you should leave and leave the brothers to fend for themselves. I do wish you the best because living like this has got to be so hard.
2007-03-23 12:38:36 · answer #8 · answered by oneontaw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband if you got married the old fashion way made a vow to you. That vow states you will leave your father and mother and become as one.. He needs to decide whether his brother is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with or is it you. He is being really selfish here as far as I see things. I can understand the position of wanting to help his brother but you have to draw the line somewhere..Good Luck..
2007-03-23 12:34:56 · answer #9 · answered by tmjf461 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I like your hat. If it was my problem, I'd tell my husband that I was on the verge of leaving if some other arrangements aren't made for the brother. If he can't take a statement like that seriously, you may not be with the right man.
2007-03-23 12:26:23 · answer #10 · answered by Shepherd 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk with yoour husband and explain that you need your space together without his brother . It sounds like that this individual should be under the care of the state and be supervised by someone else. Your relationship with your husband will definitely go to the dogs if this continues. Even though he is blood, he is interfering with your relationship. Abuse of any sort is NOT to be TOLERATED!!!
2007-03-23 12:26:33 · answer #11 · answered by margret t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋