mark and i have been going with each other for 4 yrs and engaged for 5 mons.he has money "problems" from his last marrage(divorce,child support ect) which left him in debt of 24k.well he came to me and asked me to help(pay off) his debt he knows i have the money(my mistake).when i asked him if i said no whould he leave me.he said he would have to reevaluate our relationship as he would do it for me and could not understand why i would not help him out.am i wrong in feeling he should not have asked me or hurt in his round about way of telling me he will leave leave me if i don't?
2007-03-23 12:11:47 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
PLEASE, Please, please...don't do it.
This not your debt and you aren't responsible--he is. The fact that he is emotionally blackmailing you now is not a good sign. He is thinking only of himself, and not about you at all. Doesn't sound like a loving fiancee to me.
Please don't marry him. I dont mean to sound so negative, but I have personal experinece with something similar, and I got very burned.
This is not a good situation.
2007-03-23 12:25:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dangerous situation here. Sure does sound an awful lot like hes in this for your money. Just tell him you help himafter youre married and see what happens. Let him re-evaluate your relationship, because its better to know now before losing your money and no marriage. The only trouble is your money becomes his after youre married anyway and that may not be good. Right now you owe him nothing lone less pay his debt off. If hes behind in his child support then hes to the point of pure panic and no wonder he wants your money now. The only bad thing here is if you pay off his debt, and he does call off the wedding after you pay, youll have little chance of getting your money back from him as his child support will always come first and if hes having trouble keeping up with it now, youll never collect. It sounds like this guy is into you only for your money and/or if you have a good job to pay his debts. Id seriousily do some real thinking here and find out what hes all about before going any further here with him. Hang onto your money til you get some real hard answers. Also watch out for his guilt trip accusations to you. Good luck
2007-03-23 19:30:28 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he should have asked you. I can't even imagine asking ANYONE for money to pay off my own screw-ups. He put you in an uncomfortable situation, and it seems like he's trying to "blackmail" you (whether intentionally or not) into stepping in and taking care of HIS responsibilities. I would feel very uneasy if my fiancé was acting in this manner. On the other hand, he may be thinking that if you two get married, his debt will in a sense become your debt anyway, so might as well tackle this problem now. Talk to him and come up with a plan to handle the financial matters in the long-term. I'm sure you can work out a solution if both of you try to understand the other's point of view.
2007-03-23 19:24:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In no way should you feel obligated to help your fiance pay off debt he incurred during his marriage and that includes child support. Those bills are his responsibility and he needs to take care of his children. It almost sounds as if he has given you an ultimatum; help him pay or he'll be on his way -- fill in the blanks -- he'll try to find someone who will help him with his debt. Send the guy packing, he's not the only fish in the sea. Is it possible that after 4 years of dating, he's just become a habit that's a bit hard to break. You need to re-evaluate your relationship. Do you really have so much in common or are you mothering him? He's a big boy, if he trips and falls, he should be able to pick himself up, brush himself off and start over again. Those are the signs that a man has matured and is not still a little boy at heart. You are not married to him. He should be turning to family for help, but I suspect he's already crossed and burned those bridges. Am I right? Good luck to you and be wise.
2007-03-23 19:28:13 · answer #4 · answered by TeeWee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do yourself a favor and leave him now. You two will NEVER see eye to eye on money matters, and that is the single biggest cause of divorce. Divorce is expensive to the bank account and the ego. Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit. This guy will never stop wanting your money. Sorry, been there and done that. Never again. don't you make the same mistake. And as for that "I would for you" crap, that is an easy one to say, but he is in no position to prove it. I always say, "Put your money where your mouth is..." let's just see what happens. AND, there is a bigger issue here...he is saddled with debt now???? what happens when you want a house? His credit rating must look like crap. That will effect YOU as well if you get married. I think the grass, and money, will be greener on the other side of the hill. AND I think he has one hell of a nerve even asking you to bail him out of his doings. Good luck
2007-03-23 19:37:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you have been together for 4 yrs, why wouldn't you help him out? I am kinda in the same situation, except I don't have the money to pay off his debt and I am trying everything to get the money for him so we do not have to struggle all of our lives. He keeps telling me, "I'll handle it", when all I wanna do is handle it and get it done so we can live our lives. His problems are my problems and vise versa. That's how I feel anyhow.
2007-03-23 19:18:45 · answer #6 · answered by Mare 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Obviously whether you help him with this debt of HIS is going to dertmine the fate of your relationship with him. Do NOT help him pay off HIS debt. That is HIS responsiblity and he has handed YOU an ultimatum...either help him pay it off or the relationship will change...He is after the money honey...kick him to the curb.
2007-03-23 19:20:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I still say do not give him the money. Nothing will sour a relationship quicker than money issues.
And actually I'm surprised he
1) asked you for it; and
2) got pissy when you said no.
2007-03-23 19:20:17 · answer #8 · answered by Ade 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marry him first. I know from experience that some 'fiance's' can take your money then renege on the 'promise' to marry you. Be careful. It's not 'our' money until the vows are exchanged
2007-03-23 19:16:40 · answer #9 · answered by jasarile 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If he wants your help he should make you his wife. Mann after 4 yrs -- whats he waiting on --
2007-03-23 19:35:27 · answer #10 · answered by blondie 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋